A year out and feeling fine

Yesterday marked one year since my last, extremely small dose of Klonopin. I haven’t had anything that would represent a symptom of withdrawal or post withdrawal healing in many months but have not been ready to call myself a success. Today, however, I am prepared to say I have successfully completed the process of removing Klonopin from my life. I don’t ‘pat myself on the back’ for doing so but choose to talk about the last 18 months of my life so that those just starting the process or, God help you, those that are in the middle of the withdrawal torture can see that you too can be free of whichever Benzo currently affects your life.

 

Some background on how I got hooked. Late in 1997 I went through the end of a 22 year marriage for which I was unprepared. I sought professional help for my state of mind and discovered that I had General Anxiety Disorder which tends blow things out of proportion. My doctor ask me if I wanted to experiment with various medications or go right to the one he ‘knew’ would work. Of course I said lets go with the sure thing. Needless to say I was naïve about Klonopin/clonazepam and found my dose that would allow me to sleep at night and think without the anxiety being a constant. I improved and it seemed to work. I was adamant that my dose never exceed 1 mg per day. I had my family doctor continue to prescribe my ‘drug’- for 12 years!! The initial doctor never said a thing to me about how long one can safely take K. My current family doctor still believes that I couldn’t have been addicted at such a low dose. Now this is a doctor I have great faith in- there has been a poor assimilation of information within the medical community to help these doctors understand what these drugs can do.

 

Just after Thanksgiving of 2009 I decided enough was enough. It didn’t feel to me like the K was doing what it had done in the past. Finally, I decided I needed to do some research about what I was taking and not just accept the medical community’s position. The research was, to say the least, scary. I learned about the length of time one should take these drugs, the potential withdrawal issues. As a part of this process I literally stumbled upon the benzobuddies website.

 

I joined benzobuddies to learn more about what I had gotten myself into with this drug. As I read the many blogs people put on the forum I came to realize that what I was going through was happening to many others, some to a much greater degree than me. I was never much of a poster on the forum as I have never really felt that I should be giving advice when I really didn’t understand what was going on. This is not to say that the pieces of advice I received from some were not helpful. It was always helpful to at least hear another take on things. Mostly, reading the forum helped me to realize that I was not alone and that many others had it a lot worse. Sometimes I would read a posting and say to myself, they are not thinking clearly. That would make me stop and realize that I also was not thinking clearly and I needed to accept that the process of quitting this drug was going to be tough and something one needed to slog through.

 

So, after doing some reading I decided to cut my dose from 1 mg to .75 mg. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? WRONG. Biggest mistake I made in the process was not going slower. I do understand the desire to get it over with and the thought that a bigger cut will get me there faster. The problem with this approach is that our body views that as a big cut and therefore deprivation. I toughed it out for a couple of weeks and then went to .625 mg and then to .5 mg after a couple more weeks. ALL were too big a cut. The couple of months that it took to get this far were pure hell. Though I did not experience a lot of the physical symptoms that many others on the forum described, I was like the proverbial ‘cat on a hot tin roof.’ I was jumpy, freaked out, convinced life was not worth living and my anxiety was off the charts. I wish I had made no more than 5% cuts. It wasn’t until I got down near .25 mg that I decided to milk titrate and slow it way down- down to the point that my last dose was .01 mg. During the slow cutting from .25 mg the withdrawal stabilized and I was noticeably feeling better.

 

After my last dose on April 17, 2010 I had a few intermittent episodes of symptoms. I believe like others that these were the brain re-wiring itself. They were relatively short and, because I viewed them as part of the healing process, they were just minor blips on the road to recovery.

 

Another thing I did as part of the whole withdrawal process was to completely change the way I eat and drink. Though this may have made withdrawal harder I think in the long run it has made it easier to get well. I used to consume lots of sugar through sweets and 8-12 cans of full strength Pepsi every day. Today I have nearly cut the sweet out entirely as well as refine wheat products- no bread or grains. I have increased my intake of protein through milk, meat and almonds. The result has been that my blood work has improved= so much that it is the best it has been in my adult life. I have no doubt that feeling physically stronger helped me get through the entire withdrawal process.

 

Well, this was a lot longer than I intended but I wanted to show just how screwed up I got on K. I also wanted to show that it can be overcome. If I can do it so can you. It isn’t easy and there are times you will feel at your limit. When those times come, get on the forum and read a few. You will see that others are struggling too. Some will embarrass you as I was when I realized that my situation was easy compared to some. If you have a question or just want to talk come to the site and post. You will find that there are many people here that have been through it and will offer non-judgmental support. And when you reach the end of your journey and become sane again become a crusader against Benzos. As I was writing this a call came in during which I heard about someone taking 4 mg of K for anxiety. I immediately asked to talk to them to let them know the other side of the story!!

 

Thanks to all of you for letting me tell this story. I didn’t expect it but this has given me a sense of closure. I wish all of you success in this fight.

 

Art

 

Dear Art,

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to post.  I'm eating a handful of almonds in your honor.

 

Peace,

MK

What a great post! Closure, yes. You've been through it. I am so happy for you and thankyou for sharing your story so specifically. Enjoy your life! xoxoxo

Hello Art,

 

Your story is beautifully written and thoughtful.  Thank you for coming back to let others know where you were and where you are now.  I wish you continued healing and peace, always.

 

Pam

Thank you Art and congrats!  Wishing you continued healing!

We've never "met", but thank you for writing this inspiring post. Especially on a day like today - a bad one for me - it is definitely something that I needed to "hear".

 

Best of luck to you and much happiness in your life "after benzos".

Thank you for coming back and sharing your story.  I know it will be such an encouragement to many of our members!

Congrats Art on your healing! Thanks for sharing your story, it gives us all hope.    Enjoy your beautiful healed life!

Hey Art,

 

congrats, as you can see from my signature line I did a way too fast taper and have also had trouble with the medical community similar to what you write here, I am getting better and was able to cross insomnia off my list a few weeks ago as W/D symptom, I have also stopped drinking as that was hindering the healing for sure, as I began to get better much faster once I quit, it's been 7 plus weeks to date

 

anyway congrats for getting thru it and appricate the hope your story provides

 

thanks,

 

LK

That's awesome Art!

 

I'm happy to know that things get much better after being off the Klonopin. I also agree that the sugar is probably not great for someone who experiences anxiety. Out of curiosity how have you managed the GAD since coming off Klonopin? You still able to drink a few beers while you're out on the golf course?

Thanks Art!

 

I too, have been on 1 mg K, but for 6 years.  I have been struggling (trying to rush it -honestly!) and reading your story is so inspirational to those of us in the trenches!

 

Enjoy every Benzo Free day you have!! 

 

Lisa

Great story Art.  I'm glad you took your time before writing so you would feel confident that your recovery is here to stay.  I also waited to write my story.  No question these benzos are potent and must be respected when going off them.  It sounds like you were very wise to taper/titrate down that last .25.    It's always great to read how after years of impact that we can take charge and make changes that will significantly improve our life, including via diet and exercise.  I also eliminated and/or significantly cut down a great deal of refined sugars including sodas, bread, most cereals, pasta... and have been pleased with my health turn around as well.  Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us.

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo

Yesterday marked one year since my last, extremely small dose of Klonopin. I haven’t had anything that would represent a symptom of withdrawal or post withdrawal healing in many months but have not been ready to call myself a success. Today, however, I am prepared to say I have successfully completed the process of removing Klonopin from my life. I don’t ‘pat myself on the back’ for doing so but choose to talk about the last 18 months of my life so that those just starting the process or, God help you, those that are in the middle of the withdrawal torture can see that you too can be free of whichever Benzo currently affects your life.

 

Some background on how I got hooked. Late in 1997 I went through the end of a 22 year marriage for which I was unprepared. I sought professional help for my state of mind and discovered that I had General Anxiety Disorder which tends blow things out of proportion. My doctor ask me if I wanted to experiment with various medications or go right to the one he ‘knew’ would work. Of course I said lets go with the sure thing. Needless to say I was naïve about Klonopin/clonazepam and found my dose that would allow me to sleep at night and think without the anxiety being a constant. I improved and it seemed to work. I was adamant that my dose never exceed 1 mg per day. I had my family doctor continue to prescribe my ‘drug’- for 12 years!! The initial doctor never said a thing to me about how long one can safely take K. My current family doctor still believes that I couldn’t have been addicted at such a low dose. Now this is a doctor I have great faith in- there has been a poor assimilation of information within the medical community to help these doctors understand what these drugs can do.

 

Just after Thanksgiving of 2009 I decided enough was enough. It didn’t feel to me like the K was doing what it had done in the past. Finally, I decided I needed to do some research about what I was taking and not just accept the medical community’s position. The research was, to say the least, scary. I learned about the length of time one should take these drugs, the potential withdrawal issues. As a part of this process I literally stumbled upon the benzobuddies website.

 

I joined benzobuddies to learn more about what I had gotten myself into with this drug. As I read the many blogs people put on the forum I came to realize that what I was going through was happening to many others, some to a much greater degree than me. I was never much of a poster on the forum as I have never really felt that I should be giving advice when I really didn’t understand what was going on. This is not to say that the pieces of advice I received from some were not helpful. It was always helpful to at least hear another take on things. Mostly, reading the forum helped me to realize that I was not alone and that many others had it a lot worse. Sometimes I would read a posting and say to myself, they are not thinking clearly. That would make me stop and realize that I also was not thinking clearly and I needed to accept that the process of quitting this drug was going to be tough and something one needed to slog through.

 

So, after doing some reading I decided to cut my dose from 1 mg to .75 mg. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? WRONG. Biggest mistake I made in the process was not going slower. I do understand the desire to get it over with and the thought that a bigger cut will get me there faster. The problem with this approach is that our body views that as a big cut and therefore deprivation. I toughed it out for a couple of weeks and then went to .625 mg and then to .5 mg after a couple more weeks. ALL were too big a cut. The couple of months that it took to get this far were pure hell. Though I did not experience a lot of the physical symptoms that many others on the forum described, I was like the proverbial ‘cat on a hot tin roof.’ I was jumpy, freaked out, convinced life was not worth living and my anxiety was off the charts. I wish I had made no more than 5% cuts. It wasn’t until I got down near .25 mg that I decided to milk titrate and slow it way down- down to the point that my last dose was .01 mg. During the slow cutting from .25 mg the withdrawal stabilized and I was noticeably feeling better.

 

After my last dose on April 17, 2010 I had a few intermittent episodes of symptoms. I believe like others that these were the brain re-wiring itself. They were relatively short and, because I viewed them as part of the healing process, they were just minor blips on the road to recovery.

 

Another thing I did as part of the whole withdrawal process was to completely change the way I eat and drink. Though this may have made withdrawal harder I think in the long run it has made it easier to get well. I used to consume lots of sugar through sweets and 8-12 cans of full strength Pepsi every day. Today I have nearly cut the sweet out entirely as well as refine wheat products- no bread or grains. I have increased my intake of protein through milk, meat and almonds. The result has been that my blood work has improved= so much that it is the best it has been in my adult life. I have no doubt that feeling physically stronger helped me get through the entire withdrawal process.

 

Well, this was a lot longer than I intended but I wanted to show just how screwed up I got on K. I also wanted to show that it can be overcome. If I can do it so can you. It isn’t easy and there are times you will feel at your limit. When those times come, get on the forum and read a few. You will see that others are struggling too. Some will embarrass you as I was when I realized that my situation was easy compared to some. If you have a question or just want to talk come to the site and post. You will find that there are many people here that have been through it and will offer non-judgmental support. And when you reach the end of your journey and become sane again become a crusader against Benzos. As I was writing this a call came in during which I heard about someone taking 4 mg of K for anxiety. I immediately asked to talk to them to let them know the other side of the story!!

 

Thanks to all of you for letting me tell this story. I didn’t expect it but this has given me a sense of closure. I wish all of you success in this fight.

 

Art

 

 

Congratulations Art.  I am very long term and also on Dilantin.  I need "long termer" support.

 

Kian

Art - thanks for taking the time to tell your story.  I have had another rough couple of days and sure do appreciate the hope.  I did a quick taper and get very scared about that.  there is no going back now - that's for sure.  i am about 72 days off clonezipan now.  i never did a crossover to valium. i wish u every happiness.