Just tapered off Clonazepam

Hi,

 

I have a question about w/d symptoms.

 

First my story:

I started taking 0.5mg of Clonazepam 3 x a day about 6 years ago for an anxiety problem. I lived in South America at the time. My Psychiatrist was kind of old and after about six months he had a stroke and wasn't available for some time. I asked my regular doctor who used to be the head doctor of hospital and surgeon in Germany what I should do with the medication. He suggested to just keep taking it.

I actually dropped the second 0.5mg dose and took about .375mg in the morning and 0.25mg in the evening for the next years and never had w/d symptoms I was aware of nor did I ever increase the dose. In December 2008 I moved to Germany.

 

In December 2009 I decided to just taper off of it. I basically reduced it roughly by .125mg every 2-3 weeks and didn't have any noticeable w/d symptoms(slightly anxious for 2-3 days). After I dropped the last dose to zero I felt a bit more anxious. THEN I made the mistake and googled Clonazepam for the first time after 7 days of being off of it and all the horrifying stories and Youtube videos freaked me totally out so I cowardly went back on my original dose.

 

I then went to look for therapist who specializes in behavior therapy to have more support on tapering. The second time around tapering was more rough but manageable. The horror stories still freak me out.

Exactly 3 weeks ago I took my last dose again, only this time I was anxiously paying attention to every little symptom that might strike. I was actually not looking forward to that last dose, not knowing what will happen after that. I now feel anxious, depressive and a bit agoraphobic, exactly like I felt when I was prescribed Clonazepam in the first place. I can't tell what are actual w/d symptoms and what is my own anxiety producing it. If I don't dwell on the symptoms I feel normal again but the horror stories are just popping into my mind and keeping me anxious. My therapist believes I'm freaking myself out and in a way so do I.

Strangely I have no problem sleeping whatsoever.

 

I think my fear is based on the fact that it seems that almost all stories about w/d are absolute horror stories. I try to explain to my therapist that it's almost impossible for me not to freak out.

My question is: is it possible to have only a few w/d symptoms?

 

 

Hello LJ1964,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

Yes, it is totally possible to have only a few w/d symptoms and not have intense ones, though you wouldn't know it here! It is quite rare after 6 years though.

It is quite rare after 6 years though.

 

That is my main concern. On the other hand, I hardly felt w/d during tapering. Do symptoms after you finished tapering usually increase?

I'm hoping that staying on a relatively low dose(about 0.675mg) all these years might make a difference.

Hi LJ1964, Welcome.

 

We are all very unique when it comes to the severity, or lack there of, regarding withdrawal symptoms.

 

The fact that you are not having any sleep issues is a real positive for you. Many members find that lack of sleep is one of their most menacing withdrawal concerns.

 

I hope that all your questions can be answered for you. The horror stories that you speak of reading about regarding withdrawls, I am certain,  are the worst case scenarios.

 

pj.

 

The fact that you are not having any sleep issues is a real positive for you.

 

I actually never had a problem to sleep. After I quit Clonazepam I had a weird heavy sleep the first few days. I would wake up and then fall into a real deep sleep again.

Now after 3 weeks my sleep seems normal again. During tapering my sleep was normal too.

Hello and welcoming you to BB LJ1964! I am glad to hear you are not feeling too badly. There are some who taper off benzos and have very little to no w/d symptoms so it is not unheard of. Try not to worry, I know it is hard, but you sound like you are doing great! Congrats on being benzo free!

Hi LJ1964 and congrats on being benzo free!

 

Try not to worry about whether or not you will have more symptoms.  Worry simply increases anxiety which then makes you feel like you're having new or increasing symptoms when in fact, it could just be the worry/anxiety cycle.

 

It sounds as if you are doing relatively well (yay!), so there's no need to throw out the welcome mat for symptoms that may never darken your door.

Try not to worry, I know it is hard, but you sound like you are doing great!

 

Try not to worry about whether or not you will have more symptoms.  Worry simply increases anxiety which then makes you feel like you're having new or increasing symptoms when in fact, it could just be the worry/anxiety cycle.

 

Thanks for the support. The reason I worry is because my therapy teaches me how to deal with anxiety which is why I keep thinking: is my anxiety triggered by worrying or by w/d symptoms? If it comes from worrying, my therapy would help but if the anxiety are w/d symptoms no therapy can change that. I also keep thinking: maybe my brain doesn't produce enough Gaba so therapy won't make any difference. That's why I was curious if w/d symptoms are usually stronger after the taper. During my 4 month taper I was doing quite ok, I could concentrate on my work, do sports, go out, travel etc. Now I find it hard to concentrate on my work, feel a bit agorphobic(especially when I look up at tall buildings or cross a huge street) and I feel unstable and unbalanced.

My therapist is convinced that my anxiety is mainly from worrying about w/d symptoms which makes the therapy a bit difficult at the moment. When I read threads on here or other Benzo related topics on the internet people seem to suggest that the symptoms are 100% w/d and 0% existing anxiety. That makes it hard not to worry.

Just based on what you've writen, LJ, it sounds like mostly worry/anxiety with possibly some lingering w/d effects.  One thing you said struck me in particular:  "Exactly 3 weeks ago I took my last dose again, only this time I was anxiously paying attention to every little symptom that might strike."  There were a lot of indications throughout your narrative that expressed similar "manufactured" anxiety so I really think your therapist is on the right track.  Anything you can do to manage your anxiety, no matter what the source, will be to your benefit so keep working on changing your thinking and whatever other techniques your therapist has suggested.  You are in the early stages of healing so it may be slow going but you can do a lot to make this part of the journey less miserable.  Good luck. 

You are still in the very early stages of healing from benzos so I would say that the majority of your anxiety is from your withdrawal.  It can take quite come time for our bodies and minds to recover and learn to do their jobs again without the aid of benzos, so just relax and allow time to do its thing.  I would highly doubt that you have a lack of GABA cells.  It is your GABA recptors that are the issue when it comes to benzos - not GABA  itself - and those receptors need to heal and learn to function properly again, which can take many months.

 

The number one thing to do is to learn to accept your current situation, be gentle on yourself and to remember each and every day that this will pass; it just takes time, and lots of it!  Therapy is good, I certainly tried it when I was in the throes of withdrawal. but I found that it can't really do much to help the chemical anxiety produced due to benzo withdrawal.  But if it can help you learn to accept and to hep curb the additional worry brought on by the chemical anxiety and withdrawal, then its all good.

 

Let time do its thing.

Just based on what you've writen, LJ, it sounds like mostly worry/anxiety with possibly some lingering w/d effects.  

 

You are still in the very early stages of healing from benzos so I would say that the majority of your anxiety is from your withdrawal.  

 

Hm, two opposite opinions

What puzzles me a bit is that it seems that most people deal with major w/d symptoms for quite a while but I thought that according to Heather Ashton really slow tapering reduces or gets rid of most w/d symptoms with the majority of people. Isn't that the case?