Depression, the worst symptom?

I think many of us agree that depression is probably the worst symptom of benzo-usage, taper, w/d, post-w/d for many people.  Some people describe depression as sad or dull but I think scary is the best word for it.  Everything seems so overwhelming and all these worst-case scenarios play out in my head.

 

I am not suicidal. I want to live and I want these thoughts and feelings to go away, but I think it is because I was a positive person that I find depression so scary. It is hard to explain... It is like trying to tell the doctor I am a non-suicidal person with suicidal thoughts.  Ultimately I try to treat depression like a fleeting symptom, it is annoying and scary... but I keep telling myself it will pass. We all live in the moment, and the moment sometimes sets the impression that we will always feel thay way.

 

I remember hearing stories of how depressed people just want to sleep all the time or lay down and watch tv all day.  However, whenever my depression gets bad.. I become restless and I cannot sit still. I tend to pace a lot and can't relax at all.  I think the depression sets off my anxiety and almost causes a panic attack. Anyone else have problems sitting still when depressed?  It is like, I don't want to do anything.. but I am too restless to lay down or sit still. It can be maddening.

 

I did find however that shortly after eating fish or drinking my organic Omega-3 DHA milk I felt a little better. I don't know if it is the placebo effect, but omega-3 is kind of like a benzo(metaphor) for depression attacks. For me at least.  Sad thing is though.. if I go a few days without Omega 3-fortified stuff during a depressive episode I can feel it creep back.  

 

For depression I am pretty much trying the following things..

 

-Omega 3 rich foods, little/no sugar or starch

-15 minutes of direct sunlight daily (when it is out)

-20 minute jogs every other day or some form of exercise.  

 

I have a prescription for Lexapro on the shelf, but I am afraid of taking it because of how ADs can make depression worse before they make it better. Don't think I can handle it getting worse  

 

 

Hey there!

 

I've experienced long depressions since about 8 years ago, some were mild, some severe, some severe with paranoia.

 

It doesn't matter if it is mild, moderate or severe, All are debilitating and disabling.

 

Lack of interest in everything, what you used to do you no longer enjoy it, and the list goes on.

 

The only thing you can do is hang in there until it passes. Like you, I don't sleep, I'm restless and anxious.

 

But I try to be active, no matter what, keeping working, or just doing things that distract me from this overwhelming feeling can help.

 

Being active is a key to get over depression. At least for me.

I know exactly how you feel crono.

What happens to me is I'll feel depressed, depressed and more depressed until it starts to scare me. That's when I start to have anxiety about my depression. I also have lethargy and feelings of being anti-social, like I don't want to be around anyone. I'm at home by myself right now and I wish my roommates were here, but I don't really want to be around them, lol. It's crazy, but I'm hoping all of this will fall away sooner or later. It's a big road, but if others have been through it and seen the end, then I know we can xP

Depression is by far my very worst symptom. I too do not have the kind that makes me want to lay in bed with the covers over my head. I can't sit still! I can't even sit to watch TV for more than 10 minutes. I have to keep moving, doing things. I find I feel the best when I get in my car and go for a long drive and listen to music. It doesn't take away the depression, but it gets me outside where I always feel better.

 

The worst part is its not like regular depression where sometimes if you force yourself to do something or see your friends, etc. it gets better. It is a complete and total mind game and it's like you just can't control it so you have to do whatever you can to get through it. Mine isn't constant, but it comes with my waves (they last 9-12 days typically). When the waves hit the depression is the first thing to slam me into the ground and ramps up by day 2 or 3 then slowly decelerates (sp?).

 

You are not alone. I think of death when I feel like this. I think I would be better off dead then having my husband and son deal with this - these are just the drugs talking. I know that, but when you are in it it feels SO REAL.

 

Just know there are many of us out here and if you are having a particularly bad spell please post or PM me. I'm happy to chat.

 

Much love.

 

~Amy

I think many of us agree that depression is probably the worst symptom of benzo-usage, taper, w/d, post-w/d for many people.  Some people describe depression as sad or dull but I think scary is the best word for it.  Everything seems so overwhelming and all these worst-case scenarios play out in my head.

 

I am not suicidal. I want to live and I want these thoughts and feelings to go away, but I think it is because I was a positive person that I find depression so scary. It is hard to explain... It is like trying to tell the doctor I am a non-suicidal person with suicidal thoughts.  Ultimately I try to treat depression like a fleeting symptom, it is annoying and scary... but I keep telling myself it will pass. We all live in the moment, and the moment sometimes sets the impression that we will always feel thay way.

 

I remember hearing stories of how depressed people just want to sleep all the time or lay down and watch tv all day.  However, whenever my depression gets bad.. I become restless and I cannot sit still. I tend to pace a lot and can't relax at all.  I think the depression sets off my anxiety and almost causes a panic attack. Anyone else have problems sitting still when depressed?  It is like, I don't want to do anything.. but I am too restless to lay down or sit still. It can be maddening.

 

I did find however that shortly after eating fish or drinking my organic Omega-3 DHA milk I felt a little better. I don't know if it is the placebo effect, but omega-3 is kind of like a benzo(metaphor) for depression attacks. For me at least.  Sad thing is though.. if I go a few days without Omega 3-fortified stuff during a depressive episode I can feel it creep back.  

 

For depression I am pretty much trying the following things..

 

-Omega 3 rich foods, little/no sugar or starch

-15 minutes of direct sunlight daily (when it is out)

-20 minute jogs every other day or some form of exercise.  

 

I have a prescription for Lexapro on the shelf, but I am afraid of taking it because of how ADs can make depression worse before they make it better. Don't think I can handle it getting worse  

 

 

I think many of us agree that depression is probably the worst symptom of benzo-usage, taper, w/d, post-w/d for many people.  Some people describe depression as sad or dull but I think scary is the best word for it.  Everything seems so overwhelming and all these worst-case scenarios play out in my head.

 

I am not suicidal. I want to live and I want these thoughts and feelings to go away, but I think it is because I was a positive person that I find depression so scary. It is hard to explain... It is like trying to tell the doctor I am a non-suicidal person with suicidal thoughts.  Ultimately I try to treat depression like a fleeting symptom, it is annoying and scary... but I keep telling myself it will pass. We all live in the moment, and the moment sometimes sets the impression that we will always feel thay way.

 

I remember hearing stories of how depressed people just want to sleep all the time or lay down and watch tv all day.  However, whenever my depression gets bad.. I become restless and I cannot sit still. I tend to pace a lot and can't relax at all.  I think the depression sets off my anxiety and almost causes a panic attack. Anyone else have problems sitting still when depressed?  It is like, I don't want to do anything.. but I am too restless to lay down or sit still. It can be maddening.

 

I did find however that shortly after eating fish or drinking my organic Omega-3 DHA milk I felt a little better. I don't know if it is the placebo effect, but omega-3 is kind of like a benzo(metaphor) for depression attacks. For me at least.  Sad thing is though.. if I go a few days without Omega 3-fortified stuff during a depressive episode I can feel it creep back.  

 

For depression I am pretty much trying the following things..

 

-Omega 3 rich foods, little/no sugar or starch

-15 minutes of direct sunlight daily (when it is out)

-20 minute jogs every other day or some form of exercise.  

 

I have a prescription for Lexapro on the shelf, but I am afraid of taking it because of how ADs can make depression worse before they make it better. Don't think I can handle it getting worse  

 

 

Hi,

I have found that benzo depression is totally unlike normal life depression.  It is at times unrelenting and very scary.  It's almost like living in a huge gray gloomy cloud.  My worst tolerance symptom from klonopin was this horrible depression.  I think I was on every antidepressant ever known for it and nothing seemed to help much.  When I discovered that the cause might be the benzo's, I decided to get off .

During my taper though, after crossing over to 80 mg. of valium the benzo depression really kicked in again and I got on welbutrin in order to finish my taper.  The good news is that it will go away !!!  I am now benzo free for 14 mos. and off the welbutrin also.  The horrible depression that has been with me for years is completely, absolutely 100 % GONE  ! 

So, try to remain encouraged that this is indeed a symptom and that it will go away.  You will once again be happy and smiling.  Ginia

Michlen and Co.

 

I totally sympathise. I get a spell of depression after every dose reduction (and I've got about twenty to go!). The depression is much like yours - anxious depression - and is actually called 'atypical depression' by the psych community. Funny thing is it's actually just as common as 'typical' depression. Anxiety and depression are, IMHO and from my experience, two sides of the same coin. 

 

Hang in there!

@Crono, Try an older antidepressant like Doxepin or Elavil in a low dose. These types of antidepressants are sedating and best taken at night and they not only help you sleep well, they also give you and appetite. I am a born again Christian and I pray and my depressed feelings tend to disappear. We all have our ways of coping.

Hi,

I have found that benzo depression is totally unlike normal life depression.  It is at times unrelenting and very scary.  It's almost like living in a huge gray gloomy cloud.  My worst tolerance symptom from klonopin was this horrible depression.  I think I was on every antidepressant ever known for it and nothing seemed to help much.  When I discovered that the cause might be the benzo's, I decided to get off .

During my taper though, after crossing over to 80 mg. of valium the benzo depression really kicked in again and I got on welbutrin in order to finish my taper.  The good news is that it will go away !!!  I am now benzo free for 14 mos. and off the welbutrin also.  The horrible depression that has been with me for years is completely, absolutely 100 % GONE  ! 

So, try to remain encouraged that this is indeed a symptom and that it will go away.  You will once again be happy and smiling.   Ginia

 

Hi,

I was just reading your post from several months ago.  I started Klonopin June 7 (.5 or .25 once a day) and took it for only two weeks.  I tapered for three weeks, jumping 15 days ago at .125.  The entire time I took it I had depression...no motivation and just felt 'blah.'  (I had depression before starting Klonopin and had been on Lexapro for several weeks, but not at a therapeutic dose as yet.)  When I would make a cut, the depression would become worse the next day, but then back to where it had been.  Since stopping, I have had a few days of really bad depression, but the other days, the depression is milder and I just have no motivation, although I have had a few days of feeling great.  I also take Buspar (10 mg. twice a day) and have been on that for about 6 weeks.  Is this depression I am experiencing from the Klonopin withdrawal?  You said you got on Welbutrin to finish your taper, so I'm assuming it knocked out the depression while you were withdrawing...is that correct?  I guess I just need some reassurance that this will get better.  I've had several other withdrawal side effects....anxiety, nightmares, insomnia, dizziness, aches, headache, fatigue and weakness, metallic taste, and tinnitus....and this is after only two weeks of using the drug!!  Maybe increasing the Lexapro to 10 mg. will help...I see my doctor on Wednesday, so I'm thinking he will do that.

Anyway, thanks for any input you can give me.

 

Daisygirl

 

@[Cr...]. These types of antidepressants are sedating and best taken at night and they not only help you sleep well, they also give you and appetite. I am a born again Christian and I pray and my depressed feelings tend to disappear. We all have our ways of coping.

 

Hello miss kim,

 

The comment above is prescriptive, while it's acceptable to report your own experiences with other drugs or methods of healing, we must avoid suggesting it to others.  Here is a link to our policy.

 

Thank you,

 

Pamster

I have dealt with depression for years.

I would say since my teenage years.

 

1998-1999 were two years, I fell into such a deep depression.. I almost took my life.

And I had breakdowns, I was crazy as hell.

 

All over a relationship that triggered it.

Thanks for starting this thread - yes depression is my worst sx for now.  I am 11 months benzo free and the depression seems at times to be worse that six months ago.  I am taking Prozac and my doctor told me to wean off of it, that it may be causing some of my sx.  I am afraid because then there will be no a/d helping me out at all....and I am afraid to change to a different anti-depressant - I have been advised to not do anything (by former benzo survivors) to mess up my CNS  so I don't know what to do. 

    my depression is not the "can't sit still" kind - I do just sit still, lay down, and can't find any motivation to do ANYTHING.  some days I don't even get dressed.  Along with the depression is the anxiety - which just causes my body to shake.  But I could handle the shaking and hyperventilating, if the depression would just let up.  And it does do that when I have a window.  thank goodness.  I just keep hoping for more and more windows and that they last....but of course, they don't.  I hope you all improve quickly and that we can all put this behind us and go on with our lives. 

Love Hoping2BFree

Hoping, you have had such a rough time. I hope you feel better soon.

 

@Pamster, sorry I put my comment in those words. It was meant as my experience. The Ashton manual speaks of those types of antidepressants. I should have worded it differently. My experience with Doxepin has been good.

My experience with Doxepin has been good.

 

I thought about Doxepin.

 

I will talk to my doc about it.

 

Does it knock you out?

If so, I would be more than happy to take it.

Thanks for starting this thread - yes depression is my worst sx for now.  I am 11 months benzo free and the depression seems at times to be worse that six months ago.   I am taking Prozac and my doctor told me to wean off of it, that it may be causing some of my sx.  I am afraid because then there will be no a/d helping me out at all....and I am afraid to change to a different anti-depressant - I have been advised to not do anything (by former benzo survivors) to mess up my CNS   so I don't know what to do.   

    my depression is not the "can't sit still" kind - I do just sit still, lay down, and can't find any motivation to do ANYTHING.  some days I don't even get dressed.  Along with the depression is the anxiety - which just causes my body to shake.  But I could handle the shaking and hyperventilating, if the depression would just let up.  And it does do that when I have a window.  thank goodness.  I just keep hoping for more and more windows and that they last....but of course, they don't.  I hope you all improve quickly and that we can all put this behind us and go on with our lives. 

Love Hoping2BFree

 

Hoping2BFree, I am so sorry about your depression.  I suffered from depression before starting Klonopin and was improving (was on Zoloft), but then the Klonopin caused my depression to get worse (I've read K blocks serotonin).  Since I've jumped, I've had several days (not in a row) of really bad depression, so I'm hoping, now that the Klonopin is out of my system, the AD can start to kick in.  Last Thursday, I increased my Lexapro to 10 mg. (the starting therapeutic dose) and have felt okay, but today, depression hit hard.  I'm like you though...no motivation!!  I'm wondering why your Prozac hasn't 'kicked in' to help with the depression.  Was it working before? I hope you can get some relief soon....depression is awful!!

 

Daisygirl

 

Thank you for your response Daisy - I have beenon the Prozac for a long long time and the doctor thinks it probably isn't workign anymore - so I have to taper off of it.  I do not want to take another a/d - while still trying to heal from my Klonopin taper.....  good luck to you and thank you for your thoughts.

Love Hoping

@Sigma0123, Doxepin made me tired as did Amitryptaline did in the past. They are sedating. I only take a very small dose of 10mg a day. I am using it to control my overactive histamines which is known to cause anxiety and insomnia. Some people withdrawing from benzo's sweat and all because their histamines are all out of working order. I am one of those. Since I have been on Doxepin I have had histamine control and an appetite. The best thing to do is talk to your doctor. If you have taken it before and it worked, you know what it best for your body. I will be on it until I am done with this withdrawal.

My experience with Doxepin has been good.

 

I thought about Doxepin.

 

I will talk to my doc about it.

 

Does it knock you out?

If so, I would be more than happy to take it.

 

Still thinking about Doxepin.  "Sigh"