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I really had given up.  I'm so totally addicted to benzos (currently clonazepam, about 6-10 mgs. daily, for...... 35 years.  Yes, it's true.  I'm  61 and I started with beer at 13.  By age 26, my hangovers were such that I was near death.  A friend gave me a Percodan tablet and it not only cured my hangover, it made me feel like I was in heaven, so I stopped drinking and simply took Percodan .  Soon I was taking 10 a day and became addicted to narcotics.  Well, I tried so hard to get over the narcotic addiction, I mean I really tried.  I kicked opiates probably 500 times and each time it became a greater ordeal.  After getting busted for writing Percodan scrips (my father was a dentist-I used his prescription blanks and wrote hundreds.  This was in the '70's, before the war on drugs and it was easy to pass phony scrips.  It broke my Dad's heart).  I started on methadone, and I liked it for the first couple years but then it just became a habit I couldn't ever break.  I remain on methadone to this day, about 30 years.  I couldn't have methadone without a little benzo, so now I have two long term addictions. I had always kicked my addictions cold turkey, so 5 years ago I stopped the valium for 7 months.  I almost didn't realize how looney I was getting.  I had forgotten how to sleep, how to remember, my anxiety was thru the roof.  So long as I took these two drugs, I appeared fairly normal, met a wonderful lady 26 years ago and I didn't tell her about the drugs.  I was at a fairly low dose of methadone then, and could still occasionally have sex.  We have a beautiful 20 year old daughter. (Before I asked her to marry me, I told her about the drugs.  I guess she liked me. Six mo. later we got married.  My aim is to clean up completely, but I know the benzos must go first.  It seems like you guys are serious... well, so am I.  I want my memory back.  I want to be able to look people in the eye during conversation.  In the '60's I was a working musician.  Hope to visit with you. Red Gibson
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Hi Red Gibson!

 

Wow, what a life story! I'm sorry for you addiction struggles. I was given Percodan for my pulled wisdom teeth, and was instantly hooked. But by my third refill request, my dentist cut me off and that was that!  :laugh:

 

You really sound like you are ready to get clean. As you already know, I'm sure, this will be a bit more challenging for you than for our average member due to the nature of your addictions. The methods we suggest are all about a reasonably slow, safe taper. Sometimes that can be a real struggle even in the best of circumstances, but a true addiction, beyond just physical dependency, can make it even tougher.

 

I'm really glad you are here, and we will do whatever we can to help and support you!

 

eljay

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Hi and welcome to BenzoBuddies, Red.

 

Your story is somewhat familiar to me.  My brother became addicted to oxycontin and xanax and they eventually contributed to his death.  However, he never wanted to quit them as you do the methadone and clonazepam.

 

I think you are right to tackle the clono. first.  We usually recommend that members get on a set dose for a week or so before starting to make reductions.  You say you take 6-10mg/day.  Do you think you could get by on 6mg/day?  Or maybe 8mg?  Obviously, the lower the amount you stablize on, the less you have to taper from.  You probably will be able to start tapering off by cutting up your pills; we can help you work out a plan once you are on a stable dose.  :thumbsup:

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Hello, Buddies-  When I came across your website I almost choked up, I was so thrilled that there was somebody, somewhere, that understood what this benzo addiction is like, how there's nothing to compare it to in the addiction roster.  I mean, all chemical dependencies are differrent, but there is nothing remotely like this addiction in the world, so far as I can tell-it's REALLY different.  Something about it sets it apart from all other chemical dependencies, in my opininion, and I've kinda really been around the block in my lifetime.  And NOBODY in the real world seems to know anything about it. Even the great "doctors" seem uninteresred in the field of benzo addiction.  It's so unique, involing all different areas of the body: the gut, the brain... everything.  I'm concerned because I have always just gone to Juarez, Mexico, where it was easy as pie to walk into almost any farmacia and get pretty much whatever you wanted.  Now, Juarez is really dangerous.  It's pretty much a police state and I'm scared to go down there.  I think our war on drugs prohibition has made drugs SO lucrative that there's gangster warfare going on and the law is in on the deal.  Anyway, I can't find a doctor anywhere who's willing to work with me here in the states... I feel like I'm under a time pressure, sorta, and it doesn't help my withdrawl situation.  I've been to some NA meetings and your'e supposed to be clean when you join-- I got no support from them.  Maybe I really can't blame them, at NA, because my case could threaten THEIR sobriety, as they call it.  I just want to say that for the first time, longer than I can remember, I feel like I really might find some understanding and some support from people who KNOW.  Bless ya.  Red Gibson
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Red,

 

I too feel good on this site.  Do you know what your starting dose of benzo will be?  Do you think you'll have enough benzos to do a slow taper?

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Hi Red, Welcome.

 

We'll be happy to help you, but we'll need some information.  Are you interested in tapering off of benzo's and is Valium your drug of choice?  How many mgs do you take a day and can you get enough to do a slow taper?  Are you currently drinking and if so, can you stop in order to do this taper?  Sorry for all of the questions, we need to know these things so we can figure out how best to help you.

 

Pam

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Hi Red, i was more lively on a narcotic/benzo mix too, but then it slowly declined (stupor) and withdrawal occured on its own.

if you are on clonazepam, perhaps tackle it first and see how the narcotic goes. as i came off clonaz, the narcotic was a breeze by comparison. i would strongly suggest if you can to find a doc or someone who will assist you in converting to Valium, i wish that i had earlier on. the taper is longer - months or a year who knows- see the Ashton manual for details.

Clonaz is reall tough but has been done by many slowly but surely.

BB is a lifesaver.

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/

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Hello and welcome to BB. Sorry to hear about your problems with meds. You sound determined and I have no doubt you will be successful at beating this. Let us know what questions you have, we are here to support you. I am glad you found us!
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I'm almost 62, been on methadone for 30 years, (a pill-head narco addict, no needles, for 10 years before that) I was a beer drunk for 13 years before that, so I was alcoholic from age 13 to 26 til I couldn't go on, started on Percodan , became an addict, then went to methadone, still on it but after getting into benzos for many years, I realize that for me, the benzos are the most troubling.  I  took 5-10  10mg. Valium for 20 years because they were the easiest to buy over the counter in Juarez, Mexico, no questions asked.  About 15 years ago the methadone clinic put benzos on the "dirty" list, ( they take monthly urine tests), and that's when I found out I was addicted to benzos.  I had to get a legitimet U.S. doctor's prescription ( isn't there always a way around rules?)  I'd gone thru narcotic withdrawal many times before settling on methadone and just kicked it cold turkey, but these benzodiazepines, the withdrawals never seem to end.  I quit cold turkey 5 years ago and stayed off them for a number of months (don't remember exactly how many) but I just about lost my mind.  Could not sleep.  Got more spaced out every day.  I had to go back to them, this time clonazepam, now 6-12 mgs. a day.  I apologize for rambling on, but I kept trying to get on the open forum and kept doing something wrong.  Couldn't get thru.  Hope this long letter succeeds.. So glad to hear there are others out there who may understand.  I dont drink alcohol at all.  Red Gibson
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Hi Red,

 

Your message made it this time, we're glad you're going to get this done, we'll support you.  You should probably figure out what your daily dose is and stay at that for a week or so, then begin your taper, how does that sound?

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Wow Red, that is a heck of a story. 

 

I think you should write a memoir (while you taper).  I hope you have a good support with people willing to help you emotionally in your conviction to get off benzos.  I remember my drinking days, all my friends were drinkers as well, it took a while to get out of that mode.  In any case, there is excellent support on this site.  There are others on this site who are also taking drugs for "off prescription" uses, it's nice to find people with similar stories as ourselves, I know I have found such kindred souls.

 

The moderators can really help you get started on your taper.  You obviously have a lot of courage if you were able to go cold turkey for several months.  You are not alone in that several buddies have tried this route before reinstating and starting a slow taper.  You'll get a lot from reading what others are going through and relate to a lot of it.  I'm looking forward to your progress.  See you on the forums!

 

 

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Hi Red, we're so glad you found us!

 

I'm with you - I believe benzo addiction is the cruelist, most awful addiction there is.  What makes it so sad is that it's not recognized like addictions to alcohol or pain pills, but it produces the most severe and painful withdrawal. 

 

Thank goodness for places like BenzoBuddies where we can come for support as we taper off these nasty drugs. :)

 

As Beeper and Pamster have already mentioned, it would be good if you could stabilize on a set dosage and then we can help you out with a taper.

 

You will find lots of support and encouragement here, so please let us know how we can help.

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Welcome Red,

 

Also, once you decide on the set dose you will be tapering do not updose and take the benzo at the same times every day.  I think most members dose 2 times a day as Klonopin is fairly long-acting compared to Ativan and Xanax.

 

Patty  xo

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I haven't begun a taper schedule yet... I think it might be better to stabilize as best I can (remember, I've always purchased my pills on the underground market, so sometimes I'll get a big stash of 100 2mg. clonazepam and go thru it in 2 weeks!  Other times I scared to death I won't be able to get any!  I live close to Juarez, Mexico and have scored them there, but now Juarez is being called "the most dangerous city in North America.  It's literally a war zone down there with the cartels in cahoots with the military, so much money to be made in the "drug war").  I plan to set up a comfortable, regular dosing schedule, live with that for a while, then begin a slow taper.  If it feels too fast, I'll slow the taper down a little.  Make sense?  Red Gibson
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Hi Red,

 

Yep, figuring out your dose will help you decide where you need to start.  You know, I've seen many people who are addicts be able to taper successfully from the drug, but I know I couldn't have done it, even if I'd known I needed to.  I would have reached for it when I was hurting, I'm not strong that way, so the only way for me to do it was cold turkey.  I'm not advocating this, but if you find you're too much like me, you might want to consider a medical detox to get you off the drug.  They do it too quickly and you're left hurting for months afterwards, but at least you'd be done with the drug.

 

I'm probably telling you all of this unnecessarily though, I'm sure you'll be able to do this.

 

 

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Hi.  Red Gibson trying to get thru.  I guess one of my side effects from the drugs is that when I want to succeed  MOST at something, thats just when I most surely fail.  I have been trying and trying to get a steady dialogue going with ANYONE, and I can't get rollin'.  I'm not stupid, I'm only a very long term drug addict, (methadone, 120 mgs. for thirty years, and benzos for 35 years.  I'm married to a wonderful girl, a Igoschoolteacher non-drug user.  I gotta go.  Red Gibson 
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Hi Red,

 

People in benzo tolerance and withdrawal have cognitive issues, we've all felt the fog, no worries from us.  Getting used to an internet support site is rough, you should have seen me when I first got here, I was a mess!

 

Keep talking to us, you'll get the hang of it.  :thumbsup:

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Well, I'm trying to get started with you guys but I keep running into problems gettiin' thru.  I mentioned earlier, the harder I try, the more I find myself going in circles.  I spent a couple of hours yesterday working at getting into BB but got nowhere... let's see wahat today brings.  Maybe if I took a couple extra mgs. of klonopin, just to settle my brain, I just might get the hang of navigating the site.  Just took today's methadone dose and 2 mgs. klono like I've been doing for decades.  I'm at half the methadone level that I was at 5 years ago and I want to get completly off all drugs eventually, but I see clearly that the benzodiazepines gotta go first.  I have some pretty interesting stories for ya, like how I smoked cigarettes for 30 years, decided it was time to quit around the time my daughter was born, (she's 20 now), and I felt so ready to quit smoking I beat it without a single withdrawal symptom!  I feel great about that, but as we all know, life comes one day at a time and any addictive substance has tremendous power over you.  I don't really open up to people much, except for my wife of 25, no, 26 years.  Better keep THAT straight!  She teaches kindergarten, 1st grade, and special needs kids... at-risk kids.  She's truly an angel.  Enough about me, I want to hear from other people.  red gibson
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Hi Red,

 

It took me about a week or two to get around the site.  I guess my brain was mud and it I had so much withdrawal that just getting to the site was a challenge.  You can go to different secions and post a new topic.  Starting new treads is a good way to get support.  Rather than have a long post with many things, I started several threads with one thought or problem in each thread.  I don't know if it's a better way to do things, but it worked for me. 

 

Once you get stabilized on one dose, you can put a signature at the bottom so that we can all follow your progress.  To do this, you go under PROFILE (green bar below the shout box above) and edit your profile in there.  (there is an item for this on the menu on the left). 

 

I'm sure your wife is very excited about your efforts to try to get off these meds.  She is a keeper.  BTW, quitting smoking was a snap for me too after I finally got my mind made up.

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Hi Red,

 

Your wife sounds lovely.  I am sure she married a lovely man, too.

 

Are you having trouble finding this site or are you having problems finding your blog?

 

The good thing about this site is that nobody really knows who you are so it is easy to open up.  We tend to get close to the members because we all share the common bond of tapering benzos.

 

Patty  xo

 

 

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Hello, Patty-  I'm so glad I connected to someone.  I tried to write a nice letter hoping I would get thru, but I guess I must have written it from a different spot or something, because there was no "post"  or "send" box anywhere. All there was was a "report to moderater" box.  So I clicked on that, and up popped an arrow-type of thing pointing to "report to moderater".  So I did, and it said,"Why are you sending your own post to the moderater?  It makes no sense!"  I felt kinda crushed.  By this time my meds had come on and I nodded off into nowhere land.  Then my wife touched my shoulder and asked me if I was alright.  It was kind of a shock, I guess.  So I tried to show her what happened on the computer and I saw your message.  What a relief!  Somehow I had gotten thru to another person!  You seem very nice.  I don't know the difference between this site and a blog.  Hope we can talk again.  red gibson.  Oh, by the way, I'm a lifelong guitar player and my favorite guitar is a Gibson make. And it's red.....
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Hi Red,

 

We have many different areas of the forum, but we're all one site.  We call the messages we type, posts, we call a group of messages strung together, threads.  Blogs are just more threads, but some are more personal in nature, others are more for questions and answers.  Just keep hitting Show new replies to your posts and you'll be able to have conversations with us.

 

Be sure to read all of the replies you get on your thread, you might have more than one each time you log in.  Keep experimenting, you'll get the hang of this.  ;)

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The 'show new replies to your posts' is in the upper right hand corner, Red.

 

When you get this site up you can also scroll down to 'Welcome to the Community' and your blog will be under your title 'getting started stopping'.  I hope we haven't confused you.

 

My husband has a gibson but he just picks at the guitar.  My son-in-law has a master's degree in music and is a wonderful guitarist.

 

Glad you are here, Red.

 

Patty  xo

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