Jump to content

Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?


[Zu...]

Recommended Posts

Help.  I feel totally crazy since coming off an anti-depressant 5 weeks ago and taking my last crumb of Ativan 2 weeks ago.  I can't get my brain to stop obsessing about how I feel and feel extremely foggy.   My thoughts are, "omg, my brain feels like mush and I'm obsessing.  Omg, I'm obsessing, I can't stop obsessing.  Will I ever stop obsessing?  What if I'm stuck like this?"   Did or does anyone feel this way - obsessed about how screwed up the brain feels?

 

I had a tendency toward being anxious and had some obsessive thinking/worry before anti-depressants ....but nothing ever, ever like this.  I can barely function with this thinking.... Every time I try to get myself distracted, my brain goes right back to obsessing about how I feel.  This is completely maddening.  I never was this way before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, Zugora.

 

I can totally relate.  I've had these OCD/racing thoughts, and still get them at times.  I also came off of long-term antidepressant usage in March, and in May, quit the benzo.  I see you quit both in a really short time-span of one another, and are just 2 weeks off your last dose of benzo.  It can end up being a "double whammy" coming off of two meds like that.  My obsessive and racing/looping thoughts have definitely gotten better in time.  It's as if I can feel my brain slowing down (in a good way), and my moments of obsession are getting less and less as time goes on.  Many more moments of calm and mental clarity.  When my anxiety amps up, that is when I notice those obsessive thoughts coming on these days, but overall, very much improved compared to the earlier days. 

 

Don't worry, you're not crazy, and it is very natural to feel this way.  This WILL improve, but you need to give it some time.  I know, when you feel this way, time cannot pass fast enough.  I've found distractions can help at times, as well as putting some other coping methods into practice.  If I deal with the anxiety end of it and work on getting myself more relaxed (sometimes it feels impossible, though!), the OCD thoughts start to slow as the anxiety comes down and my body goes into a calmer state.  It was my experience, that earlier on, it was so hard to use the coping methods, though, but if you start practicing them and doing what you can (even when it feels like it's not helping much), it can help to a point, and help more in the future, too. 

 

I also had a tendency toward being anxious and worrying/having OCD-type thoughts prior to meds way back when, but nothing like the thoughts and anxiety I have experienced while on the meds for a while and now in withdrawal.  It seems whatever issues we had prior to these meds are really magnified and amped up as we come off of them.  But it will get better...and it's possible (maybe even inevitable!) that going through all of this will make you stronger in the longrun and help you cope better, so whatever anxious/OCD thoughts you have after this, will feel like a cake-walk. 

 

Hang in there!  One thing I've learned, even though it can be hard to accept, is that the passing of time really is your best friend.

 

Sweet   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much, BitterSweetL.  I'm trying to stay strong, but the anxiety/depression/low energy/motivation is pretty bad at this point.  I don't want to go back on an anti-depressant (they have been so hard coming on and off for me) and I'm worried that if I start one, the first 2 weeks will be unbearable (plus, the 4 that I've tried, I had pretty bad side effects from).  My therapist mentioned that alot of people who come of ADs will feel completely terrible after one month, but after 2 months, some find that they  start settling out.  Not sure if that is true for those who have come off benzos.   Just curious, how long after stopping the AD did you feel like things started to lift? 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, Zugora.

 

I had no clue what I was doing when I came off the Paxil and only learned the real horrors of withdrawing from psych meds after it was too late.  I tapered the a/d wayyy too fast, especially after being on it for 13 years, and I was still taking the benzo, but was in tolerance w/d on that.  It was a real nightmare.  But anyway, I came off Paxil in early March.  It took me about 7 weeks before I felt a lift, and shortly after that I quit the Xanax.  It's been a long, hard ride, for sure.

 

I'm still struggling, although I have seen a lot of improvements, and you will, too.  It can be hard to tell what is what.  The benzos are such potent, nasty things, but I am sure the Paxil w/d is still affecting me to this day, as well.  Like I said, it's the "double whammy."  Much of what we experience(d) could be attributed to just the benzo...it can do all this even without an a/d in the mix...but we have that plus the a/d w/d goin' on.

 

For me, the first few months were definitely the worst, but this healing is not linear and can really go up and down as our body heals, but it does get better.  This is only my honest opinion, but the best thing we can do for ourselves is stay away from other meds if at all possible.  It takes time for the body to heal and get back to its natural state...many say 6-18 months (or so) -- some take less time, some a little more, some fall somewhere in the middle.  But, for me, the root of all my problems was these psych meds, so I know I have to be patient and ride all this out without adding any more drugs to the mix.  It can be hard to do and is one of the hardest things we can ever go through, but I can't help but think the final outcome is going to be so much better than the alternative.  You also mentioned you've had bad side effects from some of the a/d's you've already tried, so it is a crapshoot.  Whatever you decide, make sure to carefully weigh the pros and cons.  It seems when it comes to this sort of thing, letting time work it's magic is the best bet.

 

Sometimes I look back and wonder how I got this far...but somehow we just do...one day at a time and by reaching out for support when we need it, and also by using whatever coping techniques seem to work for us.

 

Hang in there,

 

Sweet

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have them much less now, but I'm not sure if it's benzo out of my system, other things, or a combo.  Probably a combo of being off the benzo and also feeling better in general and exercising mroe and whatnot.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Zugora,

 

If I taper too fast my thoughts become obsessive. At least you are aware of it and can take a step back from it and see it for what it is. That's a good sign. It's when one can't take a step back from their obsessive thinking and become consumed by it that it is the most worrisome.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, very fast mind, does not stop.  I've had this, the more tired I am, the worst.  I try to listen to a relaxation tape to bring me back to the moment and it helps.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wake up in a panic with major fear my husband will lose his job and we'll be destitue... I can't relate or talk with people other then my family.  This is a nightmare to be sure.  It is a major wave for me... I feel like I'm or it's a feeling like jumping off a cliff
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I've also had obsessive, horrible, fearful thoughts.  Things that I would not normally think of such as questioning my marriage and fearing finding a job again.  I find myself feeling very anxious, terrible, and find myself questioning alot of things.  I don't think it's really "me" that's thinking this.  I think it's the benzo, but it's maddening.  Has anyone else felt this way?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

What you're describing is quite common when you're healing.  It's absolutely horrible and scary to have those thoughts and feel that way, but they are just thoughts and are temporary.  The benzos are powerful, powerful drugs and it takes time for everything to heal.  As more healing occurs, you will experience this less and less.  It will go away.  Mine has definitely improved in time, but as I expressed earlier in this thread, I do still experience them.  It happens less, I'm able to recognize them when they come on, and don't give the thoughts as much power as I used to.  Especially earlier on it had been a really big concern of mine....is it just me, or am I still healing?  I became so scared that I'd have to live with these thoughts and have this horrible, fearful outlook on life for the rest of my existence.  As it has lessened and in talking to others, I realized that just wasn't true.  It gets better and it will leave us.  I have talked to many who had all these thoughts and are now healed and feel perfectly normal....healthy, happy, and no more obsessive, intrusive, fearful, irrational thoughts!

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Can I jump in here?!!?!?

 

Thank you for this - I asked a similar question today. Very comforting that the real me will return and all will be right in the world. Patience is the hard thing.....and not allowing the thoughts to stick to me/us. I have heard that we should see our thoughts like little boats floating by the window of our mind and we just need to let some of the thoughts float away and keep the ones we want. Sounds easy.....right?  ::)

 

Maybe if we get good at this while we are coming off benzo's our ability to control thoughts will be amazig when the healing is over?!?! We will be able to bend steel with our minds - or something like that.  ;D

 

There must be a more proactive way to control our thoughts. We should think the positive thought before the negative one gets the chance to intrude. Sounds easy....right?  ::)

 

Hawk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hawk,  What a great, positive thought...that we may become skilled at controlling our thoughts and recognizing them for what they are.  I do think we'll be some pretty strong people after this is over!

 

In one of the posts I recently read, I forget where, someone was talking about when these thoughts came on, they would just stare blankly ahead and force themselves not to think anything at all.  I thought, I could NEVER do that!  But I tried it the other night when I found my mind racing with negative thoughts, and it kind of worked!  It was like I forced myself into this almost zombie state and told myself, I'm not going to have any thoughts.  Haha  Sounds crazy, and I'm sure it would take some practice to get really good at it, but I did find it somewhat helped.  (I guess maybe that is why some people have a lot of luck with meditation, because you are trying to clear and empty the mind.)  Obviously, I think it would be beneficial to have the power to think OTHER thoughts and overtake those negative, intrusive thoughts, but one thing I have noticed is that my rational brain is not functioning correctly.  I can tell myself one thing, but the irrational brain just keeps overtaking it.  The mental end of this and the thoughts we have in benzo w/d can be such a beast!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just reminding people that when I had tons of these when withdrawing I was never sure if it was withdrawal or natural mental issues, but now I have them much much much much much less.  So you can be at least decently sure they will stop at some point.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you ---this is reassuring and helps alot!  I will keep reminding myself of this, when I am having these awful thoughts and questioning my thinking.  Thank you. 
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello everyone,

 

I also suffer from anxiety and panic disorder. That was the reason why I ended up on benzos. I am 1 month and a few days of Clonazepam and still under paroxetin.

 

I dont get those kind of thougths but I always worry about my heart condition. I am a 26 year old male in decent shape, need to loose some extra pounds and never had problems. Before leaving venezuela to austria in September 2010 I had all exams you can imagine performed, echo, electro, visit to cardiologist, internist, you name it. They all say I am in perfect shape and my heart is totally alright.

 

Anyways, my thoughts are usually related to my health, what if I have a stroke, what if I faint, what is the ambulance numer...? Hahaha i have travled in one month to 6 different countries and I checked always for the ambulance number. Anyone else thoughts like this?

 

I hope our anxiety gets better once we are farther away from the withdrawal, any experiences with that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

HI Wien,

I too worry about my health the most.  At one point I was checking my pulse and blood pressure way too often!  I have since realized how unhealthy it is to worry about my health - how about the irony there? 

Best wishes to you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have also been noticing more anxiety since tapering and getting off clonazepam.  I check my blood pressure all the time even though I know what I'm going through is not health related.  I have also had all the tests, including an MRI for MS.  All tests came back normal.  These withdrawals are difficult to handle and I obsess about my health and wonder if I need to go to the ER.  I hope the withdrawals get better for all of us.  This sucks!!!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congratulations on being benzo free. I must agree that this withdrawel sucks hard core. We really have to be dedicated to long-term healing. At this point, there is no going back, so we must push forward and hope for the best. It is a real leap of faith and much more difficult than anything I could have imagined. I really don't see many other things as more challenging, but I understand there are a lot of people suffering with horrible deseases. Our challenge is the mental game more than the physical - at least for me. The withdrawel tries to take your soul (and replace it with fear and depression) and you wonder if the real you is ever going to come back. People who have gone through this have given us assurance that we do come back, but that seems like a dream right now.

 

We must push on with faith and hope that all will be well. I hope you will have that same faith. We must stay strong with positive affirmations - here are some of my favorite:

 

I send peace to my mind/body/soul

I want to be happy

I want to feel good

I am happy

 

Hawk   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

everyday, worthlessness because I cannot do anything right because my brain is messed up.  Major terror, more bills piling in I don't think I can pay on time, unable to work feeling like a loser there.... Can't read, blurry vision, very very very messed up instrusive thoughts... I want to do things with my kids but what when they get home from school?  I'm a zombie...
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even though I feel this way, I must change the way I speak. I must talk as if I am already healed - or I will soon be healed. The power in intention changes the chemicals in our body and brain to work for us or against us. I think we will heal slower if we repeat our sickness and its symptoms over and over again. If we do this, we are basically confirming to our body that it is doing exactly the right thing (being sick). If we talk nice to it and continually speak peace and healing - it will respond. We have the power to motivate change. I hope you will do this as well and reduce your healing time. I hate to think that you will suffer.

 

I understand this is very difficult when you feel so bad. I am in the same boat with less than 60 days benzo free. I have all of the full blown symptoms (except my teeth are not falling out as one person described), but I can't allow them to stop my healing. Right now, I am seeking to reduce the time I spend in healing. If I can get my body to become my partner in this process - instead of the enemy, I will be much more successful.

 

If you must, you need to talk healing and positive messages to your body on a continual basis. Tell your mind that you are at peace with it. Tell yourself - I love you (over and over again). It really does feel good. This can get tiring, but I have long conversations with myself. I love myself and I enjoy talking to me. I am a good person to be with. I often tap the areas that I am talking to so they understand I am speaking to them. It's telling them to WAKE UP!!!!!

 

I wish you the best in your efforts to increase the healing process. Please give this a try....love yourself! Even Zombie's are lovable. Also, your family will see your efforts to be more positive.

 

Hawk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Those are very beautiful and encouraging words Hawk. They really mean a lot to me. You are absolutely right, we should change our intrusive bad thoughts for love, healing and peaceful thoughts.

 

I love myself, these are just sensations, everyday you are healing more and more, this is the right track. You are safe and healed. I love myself.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi, this is mish, Hope everyone is well and doing better. does these obessive intrusive thoughts also happen while you are still weaning off you benzo, is this normal.  Afraid of what is going to happen.  Facing people and loved ones while you are on your benzo.  Thank you for your help bb.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can relate with those terrible thoughts like the worst is going to happen.  My husband keeps telling me about the Iranians moving ships into the area of Isreal!!!  Oh I got the chills.  He said, "It's goin down!"  I'm all stop I'm a nervous wreck already ya know?  Just knowing that life isn't forever is good to know... We will not be here forever...  We just gotta wait, but when we all get to heaven, we will not have to go through this living hell.  All will be at  peace.... Can't wait!  Watching with my husband Glenn Beck show... WOW what a punch of scary reality.... As I sit around waiting for the next huge bill to come in, I ask myself is this a life?  No but it will be when I'm outta this.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...