Author Topic: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?  (Read 3120 times)

[Buddie]

Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« on: January 28, 2011, 06:53:06 am »
Help.  I feel totally crazy since coming off an anti-depressant 5 weeks ago and taking my last crumb of Ativan 2 weeks ago.  I can't get my brain to stop obsessing about how I feel and feel extremely foggy.   My thoughts are, "omg, my brain feels like mush and I'm obsessing.  Omg, I'm obsessing, I can't stop obsessing.  Will I ever stop obsessing?  What if I'm stuck like this?"   Did or does anyone feel this way - obsessed about how screwed up the brain feels?

I had a tendency toward being anxious and had some obsessive thinking/worry before anti-depressants ....but nothing ever, ever like this.  I can barely function with this thinking.... Every time I try to get myself distracted, my brain goes right back to obsessing about how I feel.  This is completely maddening.  I never was this way before.
« Last Edit: January 28, 2011, 07:03:10 am by [Buddie] »
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[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #1 on: January 28, 2011, 06:34:35 pm »
Hi, [...].

I can totally relate.  I've had these OCD/racing thoughts, and still get them at times.  I also came off of long-term antidepressant usage in March, and in May, quit the benzo.  I see you quit both in a really short time-span of one another, and are just 2 weeks off your last dose of benzo.  It can end up being a "double whammy" coming off of two meds like that.  My obsessive and racing/looping thoughts have definitely gotten better in time.  It's as if I can feel my brain slowing down (in a good way), and my moments of obsession are getting less and less as time goes on.  Many more moments of calm and mental clarity.  When my anxiety amps up, that is when I notice those obsessive thoughts coming on these days, but overall, very much improved compared to the earlier days. 

Don't worry, you're not crazy, and it is very natural to feel this way.  This WILL improve, but you need to give it some time.  I know, when you feel this way, time cannot pass fast enough.  I've found distractions can help at times, as well as putting some other coping methods into practice.  If I deal with the anxiety end of it and work on getting myself more relaxed (sometimes it feels impossible, though!), the OCD thoughts start to slow as the anxiety comes down and my body goes into a calmer state.  It was my experience, that earlier on, it was so hard to use the coping methods, though, but if you start practicing them and doing what you can (even when it feels like it's not helping much), it can help to a point, and help more in the future, too. 

I also had a tendency toward being anxious and worrying/having OCD-type thoughts prior to meds way back when, but nothing like the thoughts and anxiety I have experienced while on the meds for a while and now in withdrawal.  It seems whatever issues we had prior to these meds are really magnified and amped up as we come off of them.  But it will get better...and it's possible (maybe even inevitable!) that going through all of this will make you stronger in the longrun and help you cope better, so whatever anxious/OCD thoughts you have after this, will feel like a cake-walk. 

Hang in there!  One thing I've learned, even though it can be hard to accept, is that the passing of time really is your best friend.

Sweet   
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2011, 04:13:24 am »
Thank you so much, [...].  I'm trying to stay strong, but the anxiety/depression/low energy/motivation is pretty bad at this point.  I don't want to go back on an anti-depressant (they have been so hard coming on and off for me) and I'm worried that if I start one, the first 2 weeks will be unbearable (plus, the 4 that I've tried, I had pretty bad side effects from).  My therapist mentioned that alot of people who come of ADs will feel completely terrible after one month, but after 2 months, some find that they  start settling out.  Not sure if that is true for those who have come off benzos.   Just curious, how long after stopping the AD did you feel like things started to lift?   
« Last Edit: January 29, 2011, 04:52:46 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2011, 07:18:21 pm »
Hi, [...].

I had no clue what I was doing when I came off the Paxil and only learned the real horrors of withdrawing from psych meds after it was too late.  I tapered the a/d wayyy too fast, especially after being on it for 13 years, and I was still taking the benzo, but was in tolerance w/d on that.  It was a real nightmare.  But anyway, I came off Paxil in early March.  It took me about 7 weeks before I felt a lift, and shortly after that I quit the Xanax.  It's been a long, hard ride, for sure.

I'm still struggling, although I have seen a lot of improvements, and you will, too.  It can be hard to tell what is what.  The benzos are such potent, nasty things, but I am sure the Paxil w/d is still affecting me to this day, as well.  Like I said, it's the "double whammy."  Much of what we experience(d) could be attributed to just the benzo...it can do all this even without an a/d in the mix...but we have that plus the a/d w/d goin' on.

For me, the first few months were definitely the worst, but this healing is not linear and can really go up and down as our body heals, but it does get better.  This is only my honest opinion, but the best thing we can do for ourselves is stay away from other meds if at all possible.  It takes time for the body to heal and get back to its natural state...many say 6-18 months (or so) -- some take less time, some a little more, some fall somewhere in the middle.  But, for me, the root of all my problems was these psych meds, so I know I have to be patient and ride all this out without adding any more drugs to the mix.  It can be hard to do and is one of the hardest things we can ever go through, but I can't help but think the final outcome is going to be so much better than the alternative.  You also mentioned you've had bad side effects from some of the a/d's you've already tried, so it is a crapshoot.  Whatever you decide, make sure to carefully weigh the pros and cons.  It seems when it comes to this sort of thing, letting time work it's magic is the best bet.

Sometimes I look back and wonder how I got this far...but somehow we just do...one day at a time and by reaching out for support when we need it, and also by using whatever coping techniques seem to work for us.

Hang in there,

Sweet
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2011, 07:24:39 pm »
I have them much less now, but I'm not sure if it's benzo out of my system, other things, or a combo.  Probably a combo of being off the benzo and also feeling better in general and exercising mroe and whatnot.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2011, 04:07:39 pm »
[...],

If I taper too fast my thoughts become obsessive. At least you are aware of it and can take a step back from it and see it for what it is. That's a good sign. It's when one can't take a step back from their obsessive thinking and become consumed by it that it is the most worrisome.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2011, 07:33:52 pm »
Yes, very fast mind, does not stop.  I've had this, the more tired I am, the worst.  I try to listen to a relaxation tape to bring me back to the moment and it helps.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

I can relate to it.
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2011, 04:40:31 pm »
I wake up in a panic with major fear my husband will lose his job and we'll be destitue... I can't relate or talk with people other then my family.  This is a nightmare to be sure.   It is a major wave for me... I feel like I'm or it's a feeling like jumping off a cliff
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[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2011, 11:22:28 pm »
Yes, I've also had obsessive, horrible, fearful thoughts.  Things that I would not normally think of such as questioning my marriage and fearing finding a job again.  I find myself feeling very anxious, terrible, and find myself questioning alot of things.  I don't think it's really "me" that's thinking this.  I think it's the benzo, but it's maddening.  Has anyone else felt this way?
« Last Edit: February 07, 2011, 11:32:51 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Obessive, Intrusive Thoughts?
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2011, 01:23:34 am »
What you're describing is quite common when you're healing.  It's absolutely horrible and scary to have those thoughts and feel that way, but they are just thoughts and are temporary.  The benzos are powerful, powerful drugs and it takes time for everything to heal.  As more healing occurs, you will experience this less and less.  It will go away.  Mine has definitely improved in time, but as I expressed earlier in this thread, I do still experience them.  It happens less, I'm able to recognize them when they come on, and don't give the thoughts as much power as I used to.  Especially earlier on it had been a really big concern of mine....is it just me, or am I still healing?  I became so scared that I'd have to live with these thoughts and have this horrible, fearful outlook on life for the rest of my existence.  As it has lessened and in talking to others, I realized that just wasn't true.  It gets better and it will leave us.  I have talked to many who had all these thoughts and are now healed and feel perfectly normal....healthy, happy, and no more obsessive, intrusive, fearful, irrational thoughts!
 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.