Soon I’ll likely be unable to cope

I’m currently not having severe withdrawal symptoms. I have previously, but they are now not too bad, mostly vivid dreams, muscle twitching, and tinnitus.

 

I am kindled. Going through withdrawal a second time, I found nearly substance could cause a setback, especially medications.

 

I caused 20-30+ consecutive setbacks because I didn’t realize the water in my house had a substance in it causing setbacks until it was too late. I originally thought I was deteriorating for no reason.

 

This was 4 years ago, and I believe is the reason I’m in this position now.

 

I tried flumazenil as I haven’t seen anyone say they had a setback from it, and thought it might be one of the only things that could stop these setbacks from happening.

 

Even this caused a setback, with a recurrence of symptoms that lasted at least a month, though thankfully the most awful went away within about a 1.5 weeks.

 

I recently found out I have axial psoriatic arthritis, and it has completely devastated me.

 

Right now it isn’t unbearable, and I’ve been refusing all treatment.

 

Eventually though, I likely will need to take medication.

 

I’m honestly more scared of going into withdrawal again than I am of physical pain…. Maybe that’s because I haven’t felt severe pain in my life and don’t know how bad it can be, but I know how bad withdrawal can be.

 

I could deal with either of these problems alone, but combined, it’s the perfect storm and I don’t think I’ll make it through.

 

If I start having severe pain, and am left with no option but to try a medication, and it ends up putting me into withdrawal, I really feel like that’s it for me.

 

I’ll be left with no hope. Tortured both physically and mentally in the most horrific ways. Unable to sleep or rest due to withdrawal, and unable to pace due to pain, stiffness and swelling.

 

I’ve found out that reinstatement almost never works in those who are kindled, and near instant tolerance withdrawal is likely inevitable.

 

I’m hanging on by a thread right now, even though I’m not in severe pain or withdrawal at the moment.

 

I’ve only found one thing that might have a chance to help me, mesenchymal stem cells.

 

Honestly though… I haven’t seen much real evidence, let alone evidence that it can prevent setbacks in someone like me.

 

I had a good life and a good job for a while before this. I’m planning on using what I’ve built, probably

at least $500k+, to hire a researcher or team of researchers to tell my story to, and pray they may be able to find some kind of hope for me somewhere.

 

I keep reading patient stories of those with axial psoriatic arthritis, but every success story goes something like ‘I was in so much pain that I thought about ending my life, but finally found a medication that worked, now I’m ok’.

 

I’d give anything just to be able to take an advil.

 

If anyone has dealt with anything even remotely similar, heard about someone who has, or has any advice, I would be very grateful to hear from you.

The more people's benzo harm stories are told the better. Too bad they keep getting dismissed and censored. Good luck I hope you finish it. Too many lost to benzos.