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Failed first taper start. Feel despondent


[ni...]

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Started my taper from 2mg Ativan. First cut was 0.25mg and for 2 weeks felt like a nervous wreck and then the insomnia and chest anxiety started 2 weeks in. Decided to do a Valium switchover and substituted the next 0.25mg with 2.5 Valium. Planned to crossover slowly. The Valium was awful. Felt nauseous everyday. Depersonalised. Not feeling myself. Sort of detached. Unable to concentrate. Although it did help with the insomnia, in the day I felt drugged like the room was moving around me. Couldn't imagine adding more and more valium with time and being able to function at work. So after 4 nights of Valium substitution I switched back to my original 2mg Ativan. Couldn't bear the idea of feeling this way on Valium for months while doing a slow taper. Now I just feel ccmpletely despondent at my first efforts. Depressed,  suicidal etc at the thought of forever being trapped on this drug especially after such a horrible response to the Valium. I stay with my elderly parents and I don't want to alarm them with everything I'm going through.
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[ba...]

Hi Nicknox,

 

sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Those awful feelings of depersonalisation I know all too well, and I think many Benzo victims with you.

 

At least you have started your journey and that should be praised!

 

Perhaps a quote from the Ashton Manual can help:

 

A second factor to bear in mind is that the various benzodiazepines, though broadly similar, have slightly different profiles of action. For example, lorazepam (Ativan) seems to have less hypnotic activity than diazepam (probably because it is shorter acting). Thus if someone on, say, 2mg Ativan three times a day is directly switched to 60mg diazepam (the equivalent dose for anxiety) he is liable to become extremely sleepy, but if he is switched suddenly onto a much smaller dose of diazepam, he will probably get withdrawal symptoms. Making the changeover one dose (or part of dose) at a time avoids this difficulty and also helps to find the equivalent dosage for that individual. It is also helpful to make the first substitution in the night-time dose, and the substitution may not always need to be complete. For example, if the evening dose was 2mg Ativan, this could in some cases be changed to 1 mg Ativan plus 8mg diazepam. A full substitution for the dropped 1 mg of Ativan would have been 10mg diazepam. However, the patient may actually sleep well on this combination and he will have already made a dosage reduction - a first step in withdrawal. (Examples of step-wise substitutions are given in the schedules at the end of this chapter.)

 

 

Started my taper from 2mg Ativan. First cut was 0.25mg and for 2 weeks felt like a nervous wreck and then the insomnia and chest anxiety started 2 weeks in. Decided to do a Valium switchover and substituted the next 0.25mg with 2.5 Valium. Planned to crossover slowly. The Valium was awful. Felt nauseous everyday. Depersonalised. Not feeling myself. Sort of detached. Unable to concentrate. Although it did help with the insomnia, in the day I felt drugged like the room was moving around me. Couldn't imagine adding more and more valium with time and being able to function at work. So after 4 nights of Valium substitution I switched back to my original 2mg Ativan. Couldn't bear the idea of feeling this way on Valium for months while doing a slow taper. Now I just feel ccmpletely despondent at my first efforts. Depressed,  suicidal etc at the thought of forever being trapped on this drug especially after such a horrible response to the Valium. I stay with my elderly parents and I don't want to alarm them with everything I'm going through.

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