Rapidly declining cogniton

My cognition is rapidly declining. As a student at university, this makes me really scared for my future. My cognition started declining after a rescue dose of 10 mg valium that i took on april. 

Has Anyone had issues this bad and gotten better? I need some hope that i can still recover some, even if i am only getting worse even six months out.

To give some more details about the cognitive symptoms:

Thinking problems: Pretty general, but most noticeable in some areas: Visualisation (not so much of images, but of scenarios, especially trying to ‘put myself in someone’s head’. I first noticed this when trying to draft an email. I tried to imagine how the recipient would take a certain wording, and it just… didn’t work).

I also struggle to visualize different outcomes, solutions and planning ahead. I also cant visualize math problems for example, so simple math takes ages for to do and understand. I also struggle to Play simple games that require some form of thinking. Sudoku is off the table, even the most simple. I just cant think ahead and plan outcomes at all.

Struggle to write text because i cant visualize what i want to write or How the outcome to be, i cant visualize the layout or even the next Word in a sentence. I just get overwhelmed because my brain cannot do it.

I also generally struggle to visualize images in my head. When i read or talk to people, images does not pop up in my head automatically anymore, so that i can «see» what i read or talk about. It is like it is lagging, and my brain cant to both at the same time. I even struggle to imagine and visualize when listening to AudioBooks.

Have no concept of time and therefore struggle to plan what to do as well.

Really bad short term and long term memory, as well as information processing and recall.

Struggle to read especially and cant follow tv-shows or conversations.

I have really bad focus and concentration. Can literally Feel my brain strain and i get light heades when trying to focus.

'Higher-level’ thinking in general. In day-to-day life, I’m fine. But if I try to think about anything cognitively demanding, I’m much much less able than I used to be- I can’t understand things I used to understand. Simpel sentences and directions make me confused. Also words can make me confused.

I also struggle with aphasia and Word block, and i struggle to put together a coherent sentence on the spot when i speak. I have lost a lot of my vocabulary and articularion skills.

I also have a blank mind with very little thougts. I generally also struggle to put together more complex thougts about things other then what is right in front of me.

Because my day-to-day abilities are fine for the most as i until now have compensated well, it’s hard to get doctors to take this seriously as I still seem very articulate, but this has largely put paid to my career plans (I am in medical school).

General deadening of all... abstract thought. I very much live ‘in the moment’, like an animal- I no longer have a broad view of the world or my plans in the back of my mind.

Loss of emotion. All emotions very blunted, positive and negative. I also have anhedonia, and get no pleasure from food, music, socializing and so on. Feel no empathy, anger, happiness, irritation, motivation, interest, sadness and so on. Sometimes i can Feel hints of emotions in my head, but not in my body. The physical sensations associated with the emotions is bot created. Other times i am just emotionless.

Almost total loss of romantic/love feeling. This is particularly clear-cut, and quite distressing. I just can’t feel love. Even simple love for my family. This isn’t the same as loss of libido- (when romantic) it’s the mental element, not the physical element. I’m starting to forget what it felt like.

Loss of moral feeling. Bit of a weird one, but I used to have very strong moral instincts- outrage, and more just feeling that some things were immoral (as everyone does). These are now almost totally gone. This is a particular problem, as I had considered switching into studying moral philosophy, and I now can’t really think about these issues.

I feel like a totally different person to who I used to be.

My brain just keeps shutting down even more, and i am scared this is permanent damage. Anyone else experience it this bad and get better?

Hi Sofa00,

your post being in Post-Withdrawal Recovery Support, I wonder if this post should be here.

I'm reading that past June you were using "Seroquel, Mianserin, Zopiclone, Remeron (for insomnia caused by tinnitus)". I got precribed Benzos and now Remeron during Benzo withdrawal, also for insomnia cause of tinnitus.

I read you did a rescue dose of 10mg. of Diazepam (Valium), but it's unclear to me what meds you are currently taking. As a member of the BB community I'd love to give you advice, but it's challenging if I don't know what meds you are currently taking.

From what I gather you are on a cocktail of drugs and you have a history with other meds.

Here's my thoughts about the limited info I have about your situation...

First the tinnitus. Tinnitus can be extremely dehabilating. Like with you, I couldn't handle the insomnia next to the constant noise. I took me years to find a clinic to help me with cognitive behaviour therapy. For me there is no doubt, you should seek non-medication help with your tinnitus. From experience, this can be a rough battle, as a lot of people and doctors don't have the tools or understanding to help.

Second your akathisia. From your signature it seems this is being caused by meds? I had akathisia while too rapidly tapering from Benzodiazepines.

I feel like doctors are just drugging you up. I would eliminate all meds one by one, because it seems there drugs are causing most of your problems.

Just reminding that I'm not a doctor and I'm not giving you medical advice. If your problem is tinnitus/insomnia, find specific help for that. I hope you have people around you who can help.

Best of luck.

April-June -21 Seroquel, Mianserin, Zopiclone, Remeron (for insomnia caused by tinnitus)

June-August -21 Zyprexa (doctors did not know what dp/dr was, neither did i, put on for anxiety)

August-October -21 Valium/Oxazepam to combat akathisia from Zyprexa and five days Mianserin

December-January - Zopiclone 1 week, Remeron two weeks then on and off two weeks for insomnia

March-April - Zopiclone 1 week, then on and off for sleep. 5 mg valium for anxiety and akathisa, then 10 mg valium for anxiety and akathisia. No taper. Worse symptoms.

My worst symptoms 12.04.21:

- No emotions/complete anhedonia, blank mind, cognitive decline, brain processing issues, head pressure, DPDR, akathisia, depression, anxiety, tinnitus, empty pressure in body

My cognition is rapidly declining. As a student at university, this makes me really scared for my future. My cognition started declining after a rescue dose of 10 mg valium that i took on april. 

 

Has Anyone had issues this bad and gotten better? I need some hope that i can still recover some, even if i am only getting worse even six months out.

 

To give some more details about the cognitive symptoms:

 

Thinking problems: Pretty general, but most noticeable in some areas: Visualisation (not so much of images, but of scenarios, especially trying to ‘put myself in someone’s head’. I first noticed this when trying to draft an email. I tried to imagine how the recipient would take a certain wording, and it just… didn’t work).

 

I also struggle to visualize different outcomes, solutions and planning ahead. I also cant visualize math problems for example, so simple math takes ages for to do and understand. I also struggle to Play simple games that require some form of thinking. Sudoku is off the table, even the most simple. I just cant think ahead and plan outcomes at all.

 

Struggle to write text because i cant visualize what i want to write or How the outcome to be, i cant visualize the layout or even the next Word in a sentence. I just get overwhelmed because my brain cannot do it.

 

I also generally struggle to visualize images in my head. When i read or talk to people, images does not pop up in my head automatically anymore, so that i can «see» what i read or talk about. It is like it is lagging, and my brain cant to both at the same time. I even struggle to imagine and visualize when listening to AudioBooks.

 

Have no concept of time and therefore struggle to plan what to do as well.

 

Really bad short term and long term memory, as well as information processing and recall.

 

Struggle to read especially and cant follow tv-shows or conversations.

 

I have really bad focus and concentration. Can literally Feel my brain strain and i get light heades when trying to focus.

 

'Higher-level’ thinking in general. In day-to-day life, I’m fine. But if I try to think about anything cognitively demanding, I’m much much less able than I used to be- I can’t understand things I used to understand. Simpel sentences and directions make me confused. Also words can make me confused.

 

I also struggle with aphasia and Word block, and i struggle to put together a coherent sentence on the spot when i speak. I have lost a lot of my vocabulary and articularion skills.

 

I also have a blank mind with very little thougts. I generally also struggle to put together more complex thougts about things other then what is right in front of me.

 

Because my day-to-day abilities are fine for the most as i until now have compensated well, it’s hard to get doctors to take this seriously as I still seem very articulate, but this has largely put paid to my career plans (I am in medical school).

 

General deadening of all... abstract thought. I very much live ‘in the moment’, like an animal- I no longer have a broad view of the world or my plans in the back of my mind.

 

Loss of emotion. All emotions very blunted, positive and negative. I also have anhedonia, and get no pleasure from food, music, socializing and so on. Feel no empathy, anger, happiness, irritation, motivation, interest, sadness and so on. Sometimes i can Feel hints of emotions in my head, but not in my body. The physical sensations associated with the emotions is bot created. Other times i am just emotionless.

 

Almost total loss of romantic/love feeling. This is particularly clear-cut, and quite distressing. I just can’t feel love. Even simple love for my family. This isn’t the same as loss of libido- (when romantic) it’s the mental element, not the physical element. I’m starting to forget what it felt like.

 

Loss of moral feeling. Bit of a weird one, but I used to have very strong moral instincts- outrage, and more just feeling that some things were immoral (as everyone does). These are now almost totally gone. This is a particular problem, as I had considered switching into studying moral philosophy, and I now can’t really think about these issues.

 

I feel like a totally different person to who I used to be.

 

My brain just keeps shutting down even more, and i am scared this is permanent damage. Anyone else experience it this bad and get better?

 

From what I gather you are on a cocktail of drugs and you have a history with other meds.

 

I am not on any drugs at all now. Quit benzo last october, and then january i quit Remeron and i took a rescue dose of valium twice in april. It is stated in my bio when i took the meds. I took them for short periods

Hi Sofa00,

thanks for letting me know.

When did you get tinnitus? Do you know how you got tinnitus? How are you sleeping now?

You were using Benzos short term, but when did you take your first dose of Benzos and/or Z-drugs?

 

From what I gather you are on a cocktail of drugs and you have a history with other meds.

 

 

I am not on any drugs at all now. Quit benzo last october, and then january i quit Remeron and i took a rescue dose of valium twice in april. It is stated in my bio when i took the meds. I took them for short periods