Wishing your life away.

Does anyone feel like this, that they are just waiting for tomorrow every day, hoping things will improve? I feel like this is never going to end and my life is passing me by.

Yes. I've felt that for about 8 months due to too rapid withdrawal of Benzodiazepines and no knowledge of why I was in such terror. The sleep depravity was the worst for me.

 

Consider this: https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s9

 

and: https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm#5

 

Best of luck,

Naf1983

 

Does anyone feel like this, that they are just waiting for tomorrow every day, hoping things will improve? I feel like this is never going to end and my life is passing me by.

Yes SJ,I feel like this everyday and it gets old! I want to start living and not surviving. I feel like I do nothing but play word puzzles and watch Christmas movies everyday. I have no motivation to do anything. You are not alone.

I am also just surviving, playing games on my Ipad and watching television in the evening. Yes I meet people, yes, I go swimming, yes, I play saxophone. Still I feel empty. No emotions, no joy, no sadness. Just nothing. I am emotionally flatlined and don’t know when this is over…

Jerry

This is a problem. Get used to the crap feelings, actually embrace them and live your life, which is short for all of us. I did this for 3+ years.

 

Edit: Profanity

Yes keagan I try to do that every day but it's hard when you're in constant pain and get hardly any sleep. I wish I could live my life, that's the point. Do you have sleeping problems?

Yes SJ , I live my life everyday like that too. Trying to navigate the pain, depression and anxiety.  Getting through the day hoping that tomorrow something will change. It’s so hard for me to find acceptance but I’m getting there.  Our natural instinct is to fight it.  I’ve said this many times but reading success stories and looking to a hopeful future helps me a lot. 

 

I try to see myself as healthy and functioning in the future, visualizing a rough, rocky path that I have to walk to get there and seeing that I’m moving forward even if it’s inches at a time……but I’m getting closer all the time.

Hi Lightspacer,

 

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. In your signature I read you're tapering Zopiclon. First of all, good for you for coming off of them.

 

As I do often on BenzoBuddies, a quote from the Aston Manual:

 

It is possible to withdraw directly from zopiclone using the smallest available tablets (3.75mg), but this dose of zopiclone is equivalent to 2.5mg diazepam making for rather abrupt dosage reductions.

https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s12

 

I hope your journey goes well. You're already so far in your taper! I hope and pray you'll feel well soon.

 

I am also just surviving, playing games on my Ipad and watching television in the evening. Yes I meet people, yes, I go swimming, yes, I play saxophone. Still I feel empty. No emotions, no joy, no sadness. Just nothing. I am emotionally flatlined and don’t know when this is over…

Jerry

Hi Sleepyjo,

 

insomnia is / was the most terrible thing for me.

 

Quotes from the Ashton Manual:

 

Insomnia, nightmares, sleep disturbance. The sleep engendered by benzodiazepines, though it may seem refreshing at first, is not a normal sleep. Benzodiazepines inhibit both dreaming sleep (rapid eye movement sleep, REMS) and deep sleep (slow wave sleep, SWS). The extra sleep time that benzodiazepines provide is spent mainly in light sleep, termed Stage 2 sleep. REM and SWS are the two most important stages of sleep and are essential to health. Sleep deprivation studies show that any deficit is quickly made up by a rebound to above normal levels as soon as circumstances permit.

 

In regular benzodiazepine users REMS and SWS tend to return to pre-drug levels (because of tolerance) but the initial deficit remains. On withdrawal, even after years of benzodiazepine use, there is a marked rebound increase in REMS which also becomes more intense. As a result, dreams become more vivid, nightmares may occur and cause frequent awakenings during the night. This is a normal reaction to benzodiazepine withdrawal and, though unpleasant, it is a sign that recovery is beginning to take place. When the deficit of REMS is made up, usually after about 4-6 weeks, the nightmares become less frequent and gradually fade away.

 

Return of SWS seems to take longer after withdrawal, probably because anxiety levels are high, the brain is overactive and it is hard to relax completely. Subjects may have difficulty in getting off to sleep and may experience "restless legs syndrome", sudden muscle jerks (myoclonus) just as they are dropping off or be jolted suddenly by a hallucination of a loud bang (hypnagogic hallucination) which wakes them up again. These disturbances may also last for several weeks, sometimes months.

 

However, all these symptoms do settle in time. The need for sleep is so powerful that normal sleep will eventually reassert itself. Meanwhile, attention to sleep hygiene measures including avoiding tea, coffee, other stimulants or alcohol near bedtime, relaxation tapes, anxiety management techniques and physical exercise may be helpful. Taking all or most of the dose of benzodiazepine at night during the reduction period may also help. Occasionally another drug might be indicated (see section on adjuvant drugs, below).

 

and:

 

Apart from their therapeutic effects in depression and anxiety, some antidepressants have a sedative effect which patients who are particularly plagued with insomnia have found helpful. Low doses (10-50mg) of amitriptyline (Elavil) or doxepin (Sinequan) are remarkably effective in promoting sleep if taken at bed-time. These can be taken for short periods of a few weeks and stopped by reducing the dosage stepwise or taking the drug every other night. Withdrawal is not a problem when small doses are taken for short periods or intermittently.

 

However I would advice against Amitriptyline and in general, be very careful if and which aids you might take for sleep. I had been put on Seroquel, Mitrazepine and Trazodone during my taper, which had adverse effects for me. Promethazine 50mg. seems to help somewhat. Also you could consider natural products like Valerian and Hops.

 

Best of luck.

 

Yes keagan I try to do that every day but it's hard when you're in constant pain and get hardly any sleep. I wish I could live my life, that's the point. Do you have sleeping problems?

Yes keagan I try to do that every day but it's hard when you're in constant pain and get hardly any sleep. I wish I could live my life, that's the point. Do you have sleeping problems?

 

I went for 3 months without sleeping before my detox. After it was sketchy but OK. I find that the benadryl melatonin combo helps, even to this day. Maybe a sedating AD might bridge you through as you heal. Something like remeron or amitryptyline

Hi Lightspacer,

 

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. In your signature I read you're tapering Zopiclon. First of all, good for you for coming off of them.

 

As I do often on BenzoBuddies, a quote from the Aston Manual:

 

It is possible to withdraw directly from zopiclone using the smallest available tablets (3.75mg), but this dose of zopiclone is equivalent to 2.5mg diazepam making for rather abrupt dosage reductions.

https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm#s12

 

I hope your journey goes well. You're already so far in your taper! I hope and pray you'll feel well soon.

 

I am also just surviving, playing games on my Ipad and watching television in the evening. Yes I meet people, yes, I go swimming, yes, I play saxophone. Still I feel empty. No emotions, no joy, no sadness. Just nothing. I am emotionally flatlined and don’t know when this is over…

Jerry

 

Thank you for your encouragements. I use a file to reduce my zopiclon, which works quite ok. And yes I am far with my taper. Thanks,

Jerry

Does anyone feel like this, that they are just waiting for tomorrow every day, hoping things will improve? I feel like this is never going to end and my life is passing me by.

 

You summed it up perfectly, sleepyjo. I feel like this often, but I keep going each day. 

 

I am sure many ppl feel like this, even ppl who have never taken a benzo but have other problems they are trying to find solutions for?