Wasting my Life

Does anyone else feel like this? I’ve had 2 years and 3 months with a lot of suffering (depression/anxiety) various treatments (including a big chunk of it on benzos) and probably facing another year of tapering (I’ve done 6 months so far) and then the withdrawal portion. I feel like I am wasting my life. I am suffering a lot and so focused on myself- trying to recover. In addition, my family who is very supportive, is stressed and worried about me.

 

I used to be a regular, capable woman- organizing big family dinners, planning trips, going out with my walking group etc. Now, I feel so useless. It makes me sad and I’m sure adds to my depression. I don’t feel like myself at all. And I get that typical Benzo thought- I’m never going to recover. “What’s the point?”

 

Then there is the majority of the people I see in my life- smiling, laughing, and quite content. I know everyone has problems- I did too, of course. But it’s a whole other thing to have mental health issues and be going through Benzo withdrawal. It’s the hardest thing I have ever faced. I feel like I am outside in the cold and the dark, looking in the window of a house, with everyone inside chatting and laughing, nice and warm, having a good meal… I’d like to get in, but I can’t.

 

Wow, sorry, I didn’t intend for this post to be so long. And sorry for sounding sorry for myself, but to be honest, I guess I am. I often think, “How did this become my life?”

I used to.

 

I was 15 when this happened. Now I'm 36.

 

I missed about everything. Being young.

 

But I just accepted it. I'm still young when this is over. I look young, don't look 36. Going to party for a few years when I'm in my 40s, then settle down 😉

 

So yeah, I do know what you're talking about 🙂

I was crying to my Uncle today talking about this same thing. I said I feel like I’m surviving instead of living.I was one who loved to be on the go and was always ready to do something. I now don’t even like leaving my house and sometimes when I push to go out I can’t wait to get back home. I have no motivation to do anything. Everything has been put on hold for the last 2 years. I also have those what if thoughts about how about if I don’t feel like myself again when I get off this med. I can so relate to what you are saying!

Hi Perserverance,

 

yes, I feel you! I was a "normal" person until all this BS happened to me. I was athletic and enjoying lifde to the fullest. I'm amidst tapering myself. The past 8 months it's been more about surviving rather than living. For me accepting this trap that I'm in of Benzos is one of the hardest things. Nobody want to be addicted or dependent on drugs that mess up you brain.

 

Here's how I look at it: you CAN get your life back. I WILL get my life back. When I do, I'll be that happy and productive guy again. For me "the point" is my partner. I need to fight and be patient to get my life back, so I can be there for him and my family. Also, after this, I'm going to help other victims of Benzodiazepines.

 

Wishing you strength.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? I’ve had 2 years and 3 months with a lot of suffering (depression/anxiety) various treatments (including a big chunk of it on benzos) and probably facing another year of tapering (I’ve done 6 months so far) and then the withdrawal portion. I feel like I am wasting my life. I am suffering a lot and so focused on myself- trying to recover. In addition, my family who is very supportive, is stressed and worried about me.

 

I used to be a regular, capable woman- organizing big family dinners, planning trips, going out with my walking group etc. Now, I feel so useless. It makes me sad and I’m sure adds to my depression. I don’t feel like myself at all. And I get that typical Benzo thought- I’m never going to recover. “What’s the point?”

 

Then there is the majority of the people I see in my life- smiling, laughing, and quite content. I know everyone has problems- I did too, of course. But it’s a whole other thing to have mental health issues and be going through Benzo withdrawal. It’s the hardest thing I have ever faced. I feel like I am outside in the cold and the dark, looking in the window of a house, with everyone inside chatting and laughing, nice and warm, having a good meal… I’d like to get in, but I can’t.

 

Wow, sorry, I didn’t intend for this post to be so long. And sorry for sounding sorry for myself, but to be honest, I guess I am. I often think, “How did this become my life?”