hopeless

I woke up panicked and hopeless.

Last night I had a window of abut 6 hours before bed (maybe thanks to a beta blocker) but then woke up with increasingly labored breathing. I feel like this whole, horrible day stretches out before me, with nothing but anxiety and despair.

I took two weeks off from work and I don't know how I'll go back.

The loneliness is incredible. No family near me. No friends any more. I feel like I'm in a constant medical crisis and I'm all alone. I am 67, I don't know what will become of me. I want to do things like other people.

I don't want to feel like I need to scream all the time.

i can't relax during the day. Even if I manage to micronap, I wake up worse than I was.

Hi twitch, do not despair please. I’m 67 too and I think this journey is so rough when we’re in our golden years…..slower recovery, lower immunity, less resilience etc.

A window of 6 hours is great but I know the feel of it slipping away and then we’re in hell again. It’s like the ultimate tease but it’s not a bit funny.

If you can’t go back to work, you can’t. You are ill and suffering just like someone with heart disease or cancer. I’m sure you would be compassionate with those folk so be compassionate to yourself.

Yes, the day is so very long. I have my family so I’m not trying to compare at all. I feel your loneliness. When you are better, you will have happy things to do.

Could you ask for more time off work and go stay with your family?

Have you told them how desperate you are feeling?

Hang in there buddy. This too will pass.

Keep posting. Hardy.