Back in withdrawl for a third time, looking for advice

Over the last 6 months I have sent myself into severe withdrawls 3 times. The first landed me in pysch trying to get off xanax, the second in detox and Im now back in withdrawls again.  I was down to my last med from detox,  gabapentin, and reduced my dose from 900mg to 600mg 5 weeks ago.  Things started getting scary again about 2 weeks ago at which point I went back to my 900mg dose per my doctor. Im getting worse each day, vomiting, sobbing, extreme anxiety, stomach cramping, pacing, rocking, skin burning, very little sleep and internal vibrations. I have started to miss work but am our main income and insurance. I can't eat, dinking as much as I can keep down, little sleep. I haven't been able to take care of my kids very well and the fear of emotionally scarring them after everything this year is sending me over the edge. I don't know where to go from here as Im already back to my original dose of gabapentin and emotionally cannot start benzos again. Any advice or encouragement is so appreciated for this scared mama.

Over the last 6 months I have sent myself into severe withdrawls 3 times. The first landed me in pysch trying to get off xanax, the second in detox and Im now back in withdrawls again.  I was down to my last med from detox,  gabapentin, and reduced my dose from 900mg to 600mg 5 weeks ago.  Things started getting scary again about 2 weeks ago at which point I went back to my 900mg dose per my doctor. Im getting worse each day, vomiting, sobbing, extreme anxiety, stomach cramping, pacing, rocking, skin burning, very little sleep and internal vibrations. I have started to miss work but am our main income and insurance. I can't eat, dinking as much as I can keep down, little sleep. I haven't been able to take care of my kids very well and the fear of emotionally scarring them after everything this year is sending me over the edge. I don't know where to go from here as Im already back to my original dose of gabapentin and emotionally cannot start benzos again. Any advice or encouragement is so appreciated for this scared mama.

Hi tiffers12,

 

First of all you are worrying about your mothering (I do this too) but kids are resilient and you are not ruining their lives, as long as you give them a hug and kiss and tell them you love them every day, you are doing great!!

No mother is perfect, that is a pressure put on us that is unbearable, there is no perfect mother..try to remember that the medicine is making you feel extreme fear and anxiety. Maya Angelou said her mother was terrible when she was small, but great when she got older, and look how she turned out!! All the moms I know say they don't feel good enough. You are not alone

Don't beat yourself when you are down.

Is it possible to take a few sick days off from work to get some rest? Is there anyone who can take the kids? or at least come in the day and help with them?

It sounds like you are really overwhelmed and maybe a few days rest could at least get you a mental and physical reset.

It is so hard to think at all clearly with all that you are going through.

You could give yourself permission to sleep in the day, take showers or baths, do some stretching, have some phone calls with people who can give you some love and reassurance, get some foods you can tolerate (I drink bone broth when I cant eat, it has a lot of protein, iron and nutrients).

Someone told me to treat myself like I would a newborn baby; tell myself, "I love you, "You are tired, take a nap,"you are thirsty, drink etc..

You are a person who needs love and care too!! And with no sleep and no food, you are going to be on an empty gas tank.

Maybe if you can get some rest, you will be better able to think about how to deal with the medication and have a bit more clarity to consider the next steps to getting well.

I hope this helps the tiniest bit. I know every day is so hard, I live it too so I am only passing on the things I have been told that helped me.

You are not alone,

Sending lots of love and support,

xJenny

 

 

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I'm really trying to stay positive and focused but this is totally nuts.  Is it possible to go into acute withdrawals 5 weeks after cutting a dose? It's like extreme benzo flu and has been going on for a week with no signs of letting up. I had been detoxed off of xanax back in April and have been doing OK but when I started to decrease my gabapentin from 900 mg to 600, everything hit the fan after about 4 weeks.  I have reached out to my boss and she is going to try to help me get a leave of absence and I've tried to explain to my kids what is going on but that mom guilt is so heavy. I'm very appreciative of people like you and your words of comfort during such difficult times.

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I'm really trying to stay positive and focused but this is totally nuts.  Is it possible to go into acute withdrawals 5 weeks after cutting a dose? It's like extreme benzo flu and has been going on for a week with no signs of letting up. I had been detoxed off of xanax back in April and have been doing OK but when I started to decrease my gabapentin from 900 mg to 600, everything hit the fan after about 4 weeks.  I have reached out to my boss and she is going to try to help me get a leave of absence and I've tried to explain to my kids what is going on but that mom guilt is so heavy. I'm very appreciative of people like you and your words of comfort during such difficult times.

 

Maybe start a new topic about specifically gabapentin?

There must be many here who have similar experiences and can share what they know and what they did.

I get better information here than I have from any of my doctors..who do not seem to have a clue about how different we all are and how we are not going to have the same reactions to medicines as the next person.

And I understand the mom guilt, I told my daughter (15) that I was given medication that was not good for me and now I have to go through a long process of removing it from my body, and that I will be tired, sad and not feel well ..but that I will get better.

Most of the time the only thing that keeps me wanting to live is to not leave her without a mom..it is that bad!! So believe me when I say, I understand you.

xJenny

Hi Jenny and Tiffers,

my boys are grown now with children of their own but I remember parts of their childhood where I was very depressed and sometimes agoraphobic. I managed as best I could as we all do.

Now, they tell me that they have such happy memories of their childhood, they simply don’t remember any bad stuff. Surprising I thought!

My mum guilt is still heavy after all these years but they are fine.

Hardy.

I was right where you are at. I was put on NAD+ and a seizure medication. I was rapid tapered off 100mg a day.  Stayed on NAD for a week after.  I was told by docs some people just need to get off and do a rapid taper.  I could not have survived tapering ten percent. Give Springfield wellness center in Louisiana a call.

Call Dr. Millgram in San Diego. He will get you off Gabapentin using NAD and other meds.  Don’t listen to the people telling you 10 percent every two weeks. You need off. I was just like you.  Also stay away from any carbohydrates like potatoes rice bread etc. revs up symptoms. Stay hydrated. Loratadine 2-3 tabs will stop burning.  Here is the link. Give him a call.

 

[nobbc]https://nadmd.com/about-dr-milgram/[/nobbc]

 

Edit: Deactivated commercial link.

Call Dr. Millgram in San Diego. He will get you off Gabapentin using NAD and other meds.  Don’t listen to the people telling you 10 percent every two weeks. You need off. I was just like you.  Also stay away from any carbohydrates like potatoes rice bread etc. revs up symptoms. Stay hydrated. Loratadine 2-3 tabs will stop burning.  Here is the link. Give him a call.

 

[nobbc]https://nadmd.com/about-dr-milgram/[/nobbc]

 

Hi nomorebenzos2, just a quick reminder about being prescriptive. 

 

Please adopt a non-prescriptive writing style. Relating your experiences, stating options, or posting suggestions of what other members might do are all welcome. However, advising members of what they should or must do is against the ethos of the BenzoBuddies Community. Nor should you attempt to 'diagnose' medical problems or suggest medical treatments to other members. This policy also applies to members with medical qualifications. A more detailed explanation of this policy can be found in our Guidelines Regarding the Giving of Medical Advice document.

Pamster

 

Hi Jenny and Tiffers,

my boys are grown now with children of their own but I remember parts of their childhood where I was very depressed and sometimes agoraphobic. I managed as best I could as we all do.

Now, they tell me that they have such happy memories of their childhood, they simply don’t remember any bad stuff. Surprising I thought!

My mum guilt is still heavy after all these years but they are fine.

Hardy.

Thank you Hardy66,

I'm glad your kids feel the way they do!

I hope for my daughter to remember the good things, as there were many, and I hope many more when I get well.

Thanks for the words of encouragement,

xJen