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How shameful would it be to restart?


[tw...]

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There is no shame in making a decision you feel is best for you and we'll support you whatever you decide, however it would be wise to educate yourself on the success of a reinstatement, it doesn't always work out like we hope it will.

 

I've read countless posts by members who reinstated and regretted it.  It didn't provide any relief, especially a small dose, they most often have to go higher than what they started on to feel relief.  Now they're back on the drug faced with another taper which may be more painful because there are many members who say the more times they stop and start the worse their symptoms.

 

Now, there have been members who have reinstated and done a slow taper which they say saved them, once off the drug they still face recovery but they seem in a better position to endure it because their taper was a little easier on them.

 

For me, I couldn't reinstate because I couldn't let the suffering I'd already endured go to waste, sometimes being stubborn can be a good thing.  The only thing I can say for sure is that for me, the longer I was away from the drug the better I felt.  I guess I hate to see you give up before your miracle happens but like I said, we'll support whatever you need to do,

 

Please don't just read my words, do your own research before you make a decision.  Here are some search tools that are much better than the forums to help you in this endeavor.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=251991.0

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My miracle was peace, the moment I realized I was healed, I still remember how it felt to just be able to sit in peace.  The inner trembling was gone, the awful anxiety and most of all the dark thoughts, all gone.  I was euphoric for weeks and I embraced life like I never had before because I'd never known pain like what we go through so when it eased, it was my miracle.

 

I wish this for you, whatever you decide to do.

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Twitch, I see that you say in your sig that you "decided" to start a taper in 2017. What led you to this decision?

 

Just wondering.

 

Katz

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Katz,

 

I guess it was a couple of things. The doctor increased my dose greatly in 2015 after an abrupt and painful end to a relationship left me unable to function. And then in 2017 I was starting a new job working with kids, and I didn't want to be taking meds while doing that. I didn't know though that I wouldn't just be able to not take them, which I'd done in the past - after a disastrous attempt at cold turkey, I started tapering. Prior to 2015, I didn't take them every day and I'd always been able to take them and leave them.

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Pamster,

Do you remember at what point in recovery you felt that?

 

I'm in constant turmoil, and a lot of it affects what I assume is my heart. I take beta blockers, which sometimes help, but when I feel the tiniest thump thump I'm awash in dread.

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Am I reading your signature right, are you only 5 months off?

Just so you know I was in absolute hell at 5 months, that's around the time I tried to reinstate. So I know the desperation. It sucks. It didn't work for me, and I'm actually glad that it didn't, because then I had no choice.....I had to ride it out. But still I ended up on a med for the nerve pain I was suffering and it was a game changer for me. So although, I did not do a reinstatement, I understand the need to function. And so I cannot be against a med if the person is nonfunctional.  But have you thought through all the options like different meds that aren't benzos, or natural options?

Because I too, would hate to see you start over.

 

5 months is still very early btw. I know you know that, but sometimes it helps to know that from the veterans;)

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Yeah, as Southern belle said, you are in the early days. I know it seems like it never ends, but slowly and surely you'll improve. Looking at your signature, you tapered for 5 years? That is a slow taper, so are you considering reinstating and staying on for life? This obviously comes with its own set of problems if you are. Besides the obvious problems to your health, there's also an increasing possibility that your provider could cut you off, or retire etc.

 

There's a good thread here about reinstatement, that may help you make a decision

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=53305.0

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I’m following this thread with interest. I’m 4 months + off Lorazepam and I have a very poor quality of life. Every single thing is a struggle and I’m spending a great deal of time in bed. If only I could see any improvement at all, I would have hope but I don’t.

I feel for you Twitch. I’m probably going to stay off for a while yet but it’s getting harder.

If I was younger, there would be no question, I would stay off for good but at 67 it’s more of a puzzle.

Hardy.

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I’m also getting worse and worse. I can’t live like that.

 

Maybe it’s this 3-5 month curse.

 

I have these thoughts about reinstating, but I think that doing it will undermine all my struggle.

 

If I can suggest anything - I believe that we should wait for 6 month. I heard that this is the point that many people starts to feel better again and some of them even turns the corner!

 

We were doing better in previous months, am I right? So, maybe it’s worse before better scenario.

 

Sorry if I sounds judgmental, it’s only an idea

 

 

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Hi Oncenormal, yes I agree. I’ve sort of decided that I will wait for one year but yes I will hang on to the 6 month mark definitely.

It’s just that ANY attempt to do anything normal leaves me beyond exhaustion. I’ll just have to make my mind up to being in bed or on the couch for a bit longer but it’s not good for mood.

I tried to do a little walk each day but when the tiredness hits it’s just not possible, my body simply won’t cooperate. I know others have had this fatigue but I was hopeful that it would show some improvement.

Maybe I’m expecting too much, too soon

All I can say is thank goodness for tv and radio.

No, you don’t sound judgemental, you just made a suggestion and that’s what this forum is about. Thank you.

Hardy.

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Would your GP let you reinstate? I was forced to go CT when my GP retired. They flatly refused to let me have any zopiclone, only meds offered were AD’s. They seem very anti benzos or sleeping meds here now. Even appealed to NHS complaints dept and was just fobbed off.Maybe depends what part of country you live in and how sympathetic your GP is?
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Never had any trouble getting Lorazepam from GP. My Psych did tell me that for a woman of my age and taking them for so long……they would expect me to be on them for life. She said I had done remarkably well to quit. That was nice but it doesn’t feel nice!
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It's the same where I live, I think Gps have been given a directive by the NHS to stop prescribing and get people off z drugs and benzos, probably a money saving excercise. My mother has been prescribed zopliclone for 20 years and just last week her GP told her that he wants to wean her off them. I can no longer get zopliclone either, although I don't want them anyway.
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Never had any trouble getting Lorazepam from GP. My Psych did tell me that for a woman of my age and taking them for so long……they would expect me to be on them for life. She said I had done remarkably well to quit. That was nice but it doesn’t feel nice!

 

 

 

 

 

You are lucky you can still get some obviously got more sympathetic GP. Was on them 12 years never had problems getting scripts. New GP said was just the placebo effect as was on a low dose. If I didn’t have my husband to support me , hate to think what the consequences might have been. They still dish out AD’s freely, said on news over 8 million people on them. Glad your GP is more sympathetic. Obviously are some good ones still around.

M

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Pamster,

Do you remember at what point in recovery you felt that?

 

I'm in constant turmoil, and a lot of it affects what I assume is my heart. I take beta blockers, which sometimes help, but when I feel the tiniest thump thump I'm awash in dread.

 

I felt it at 14 months but I believe I would have recovered sooner if I hadn't started taking Ambien a few months into my cold turkey from Klonopin.  I thought everything I was feeling was from the Klonopin but once I stopped the Ambien I felt fully recovered within days, a painful lesson about z-drugs, they're bad news.

 

I didn't have heart symptoms but I knew a lot of fear so I can't know exactly what you're dealing with but I still hope you can push through this bad patch because that's what it is, just a bad patch. 

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Hardy,

 

I'm your age and I have the constant question of what am I doing this for? What's left? That plus these are my last working years and I need them. PM me if you want.

 

I have chills now, too, and I can't sleep or get comfortable. I can't eat.

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Twitch. I can so relate. I jumped in late January off of Klonopin and every day is a struggle for me at 6 months. My symptoms are racing heart and a tingling in my head and ear ringing.

 

I keep thinking in the back of my head I screwed up my taper and keep thinking of reinstatement.

 

I understand your struggle because I have it to. If I go back on a little bit of klonopin and try to stabilize and then start a super slow taper would it help....or would it hurt and not help and then I have to deal with the taper and the symptoms.  Still not sure what to do.

 

Most people tell me this timeframe is not long but it feels like forever.

 

Thoughts and prayers, seeking.

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How shameful would it be to restart at a very very low dose? This is unremitting agony.

 

Never think of this in terms of "shameful". Nothing you do in this is shameful. What's shameful is the fact that we were fed these awful pills that have caused us so much misery.

 

Think of it in terms of what is best for you in the long run. Sticking it out and trying to wait through a tough time like this is frequently the best in the long run. But, for some people, reinstating and trying to taper again later on is what they need to do.

 

Only you can decide what's best for you.

 

But "shameful" has got nothing to do with this.

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Twitch, I can only imagine how badly you are suffering but that you are considering reinstating says it all.  I'm so sorry and I'm so sorry things aren't improving for you more rapidly.  At minimum, I'm glad you are talking this out here before jumping back on benzos - wise on your part.  Whatever decision you make, you'll know you thought it through.

 

Kate08  :smitten:

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I know you're suffering, twitch. And no, it isn't shameful. But do think this through carefully. Reinstating might NOT help. Just  a small cautionary tale: in 2013 one of my BB buddies and I had both struggled down to 2.5  mgs of valium, both suffering like hell. He caved and decided to reinstate to get relief. But alas, no relief came. He updosed to 5 mgs . . . nope. Then 7.5, mgs, then 10 mgs. He ended up at the same 15 mgs he'd started from (he didn't feel much better) and after holding awhile had to taper all that valium all over again. Updosing didn't bring him the relief he sought.  His story may not be everyone's story, but things *could* happen like that. I hope you get some stories from people for whom updosing (even a bit) was successful. Then you could balance the possibilities.

 

And do think about kindling. (I know you are).

 

Thinking of you, twitch.

 

:smitten:

 

Katz

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