Messed up and despondent

Last nite I started my protocol but it didnt work for me.  .25 X at 5 pm.  I was already stressed out from waking up with screaming tinnitus and the day got worse with different interactions that were loud with a friend.  I know, I can avoid her from now on.  The bad part was I couldnt relax with the first dose of x so I waited until 8 for my Tem as planned.  I slept for an hour and was back up wide awake. I took the .125 X then I fretted and stressed - couldnt help myself and cut up another Tem and took another 10 mg and went to the other bedroom to play relaxation videos and do my breathing exercises and nothing would help.  I then took an additional Tem and after a while I went to sleep and awoke again in about 2 hours.  What the heck?  Ive never had this bad a time.  I was trying to taper the Xanax but now I have totally wrecked my plan.  Im just starting this journey and I have these other meds that the psychiatrist gave me,  Remeron and Gabapentin but Ive been scared to add something else.  This morning Im so sick, depressed and exhausted that I cannot see a path forward.  Please....  advise?

Last nite I started my protocol but it didnt work for me.  .25 X at 5 pm.  I was already stressed out from waking up with screaming tinnitus and the day got worse with different interactions that were loud with a friend.  I know, I can avoid her from now on.  The bad part was I couldnt relax with the first dose of x so I waited until 8 for my Tem as planned.  I slept for an hour and was back up wide awake. I took the .125 X then I fretted and stressed - couldnt help myself and cut up another Tem and took another 10 mg and went to the other bedroom to play relaxation videos and do my breathing exercises and nothing would help.  I then took an additional Tem and after a while I went to sleep and awoke again in about 2 hours.  What the heck?  Ive never had this bad a time.  I was trying to taper the Xanax but now I have totally wrecked my plan.  Im just starting this journey and I have these other meds that the psychiatrist gave me,  Remeron and Gabapentin but Ive been scared to add something else.  This morning Im so sick, depressed and exhausted that I cannot see a path forward.  Please....  advise?

 

You can still get back on track with your plan.  This could be just a glitch in it. 

 

You mention remeron and gabapentin.  Now, you're going to get all kinds of opinions re these drugs.  There are support groups for each in this forum, but I think it's best to weigh the potential pro's and cons.  I know more about remeron than I do gabapentin, so I'll list the pro's and cons for remeron.  You say you are suffering from sleep issues and depression.

 

Pro's -- Remeron can help with depression and it can help with sleep.  I take Remeron for depression, and it wiped it right out.  It also helped somewhat with GI issues I've been experiencing during and before tapering Clonazepam.

Cons -- Remeron is another drug that needs to be tapered when the time comes that you don't need it.  Some users report that it causes too much sedation and there is potential for weight gain.

 

Yes, it would be adding another drug to the mix, but it could very well target your sleep and depression issues.

Have I done a lot of damage by updosing one night?

Have I done a lot of damage by updosing one night?

 

Nope.  BTW, I forgot to ask -- what dosage of Remeron were you prescribed?

I just searched my medicine cabinet and can't find the bottle but I assure you it was a very very low dose because I was objecting to anything new.

 

Looked in my med records online and it was 7.5 Mirtazapine.

Have I done a lot of damage by updosing one night?

 

We don't consider one mistake an updose. We call it a rescue dose because that's really what it is, you used it to rescue yourself not to updose. You haven't done any harm, so I wouldn't stress. You can just continue your taper. Obviously we don't advise to continue taking rescue doses.

 

I would also not make any rash decisions on taking other medications after one bad night. Just see how things go during the next couple of weeks.

 

I know tapering can be stressful so for now I would just be gentle on myself and not overthink one incident. 

Thank you my friend.  It’s been making me feel guilty so thank you!!