Help, going crazy. Don't know what to do

I'm at 26 mg seroquel and 1,7 diazepam. Me and my gp have decided to get the seroquel to 25 first. Health insurance wouldn't pay the seroquel tapering strips, so I had to get to 25 and get the normal brand.

 

For some reason I can't get to 25, massive symptoms if I do. I decided to hold for the summer. Been holding for almost a month.

 

I have gotten really intense waves and windows in this period. Like the people in the post withdrawal support group. And I'm holding, how can that be?

 

Yesterday I felt almost normal again, but today I am losing my mind. Like in 2001. I don't want to end up in psychiatry here in Holland. They misdiagnose people here without listening, and put them on drugs. I've been there before. My fight and my life would have been for nothing.

 

Is all of this normal what I'm experiencing? I have massive headaches along with it. Total dpr and drr. I am so scared.

 

Also, I have been taking massive amounts of Theanine. The  akathisia went away and it induces windows. Should I avoid the theanine? Is it bad?

 

Please help me, I've been fighting for 21 years. I already do sports 4-8 times a day.

Also, it's totally empty in my head.

 

And I don't like holding, because it feels like I'm not making progress. It gives a feeling of being stuck like this forever, but I can't get to 25 seroquel now.

 

Extra

I took 800 mg theanine and I calmed a little bit down. This was a hard attack. I hate this. How long do I have to endure this shit. I already lost age 15 to 36.

 

I just wanted to say that recovering from benzo's is the same as recovering from a nervous breakdown. Only 10 times worse. Now that I look back to 2001,I realise I had waves and windows back then too. After a week I already could go back to school. Then I felt bad again. I should have taken a year off instead of going to those horrible doctors.

 

I still got those 2 questions:

 

1. I feel a lot better when I take a lot of Theanine. Is this causing harm? I'm like megadosing.

 

2. How can it be that when I'm holding at 1,7, I have really intense waves and windows like people who already jumped off and are in post withdrawal? Is it because I'm so low in dosage ? Or because I went so slow?

 

 

Edit: Profanity

 

 

Sorry to hear about your struggle.  I'm happy for you that the L-Theanine is helping.  It shouldn't cause you any harm, but unfortunately, were all different.