The Suffering is Horrendous, Please Help

First of all I am too confused and suffering so much I can’t figure out how to do the history by my signature. Briefly, I took clonazepam .5 mg twice a day from June 2020 to Jan 21 (7 months) then .5 mg three times a day from Jan 2021 to Jan 2022. (12 months), so a total of 19 months. On Jan 20, 2022, I started my taper. My husband and I looked at the Ashton Manual and consulted with a withdrawal site online- they recommended 2.5% every one to two weeks. I tried the switch to Valium but it made me feel terrible (that was before Jan 20) I’ve been titrating down about every14-16 days. I am now at about 1.1 mg total each day. My husband says I am going down about 6% a month, which I guess is slow, but sometimes seems too fast. Yesterday, I felt okay, but today I am having horrendous suffering. It’s been 16 days since my last cut. The mood swings are dreadful. I feel like if I hold longer, it won’t help. I never seem to “stabilize.” Today it is extreme depression (A pain I didn’t know existed), anxiety, poor sleep, head pain ( I think migraine starting) hyperventilating, fear, and hopelessness. Is this just how withdrawal is? I have no idea how I will get through it. Any responses greatly appreciated.

 

Did you switch to Valium instantly, or did you cross over slowly into it?

 

Random advice but hydrate.  Use a massager on your back, arms, and legs.  Try to sleep.  Ride the anxiety and feel that you are burning it off and away. 

First of all I am too confused and suffering so much I can’t figure out how to do the history by my signature. Briefly, I took clonazepam .5 mg twice a day from June 2020 to Jan 21 (7 months) then .5 mg three times a day from Jan 2021 to Jan 2022. (12 months), so a total of 19 months. On Jan 20, 2022, I started my taper. My husband and I looked at the Ashton Manual and consulted with a withdrawal site online- they recommended 2.5% every one to two weeks. I tried the switch to Valium but it made me feel terrible (that was before Jan 20) I’ve been titrating down about every14-16 days. I am now at about 1.1 mg total each day. My husband says I am going down about 6% a month, which I guess is slow, but sometimes seems too fast. Yesterday, I felt okay, but today I am having horrendous suffering. It’s been 16 days since my last cut. The mood swings are dreadful. I feel like if I hold longer, it won’t help. I never seem to “stabilize.” Today it is extreme depression (A pain I didn’t know existed), anxiety, poor sleep, head pain ( I think migraine starting) hyperventilating, fear, and hopelessness. Is this just how withdrawal is? I have no idea how I will get through it. Any responses greatly appreciated.

Most people hit some kind of "WALL" during a taper.  All you can do is hold for as long as it takes to get stable.  For me I held for 3 months right around the middle of my taper.  After that point I had to go extra slow.

Also keep in mind it takes 5 to 10 days to get stable on Valium since it builds up so slowly in your brain. My Dr. had me double dose the first two days on Valium to get me caught up quicker.  Long acting means long duration and longer saturation times so the beginning is a tough time for some people switching to Valium.

This is similar to opium dependent people switching to long acting methadone, the first week can be very tough but it passes.

Perserverance,

 

I updated your signature for you. I am so sorry you are in such terrible pain. I understand the hopelessness where you feel it will never end and this is going to be your life forever. It is not. You will get better. Things will change. You just need to push through. The good thing I see is you had a window yesterday. If you can just hold on to those days where you are okay and use them to push you through the dreadful ones. It helps to know there will be better ones ahead. Hopefully you'll be one of those whose symptoms get better the lower you go.

 

 

Just to be clear- I briefly tried Valium, it didn’t agree with me, so I am titrating off clonazepam.

Take one day at a time. If that’s too much take 1 hour at a time. If that’s too much take 1 minute at a time. Tell somebody you trust what you are experiencing. Realize that you may think you are crazy at points during this situation but you are not. It’s the medication or the lack of it causing you to think differently. Do your best and be consistent. Hoping for the best for all of us in this dark place.