Updated symptom list

I made a symptom last year listing all symptoms up until then, I thought I had it rough back then, as soon as month 7 came around, something switched and old symptoms came back worse then I knew possible with new ones. This has been my toughest run and I'm. Honestly running on little crimbs.

If this is how the next 3 years is gonna be for me I don't know if I'm going to bother. And I already know I'm going into the 10-15% protracted

I was on Lorazepam 2mg for a total of 8 years, after the year I know I hit tolerance as I was feeling strange symptoms back then that no one could explain

My doctor had me on "Taken as needed" which started with 15 tablets which then moved to 10 tablet monthly. To scared to be labeled a drug seeker so I never bothered telling I'm I need more to deal with the then anxiety I now know. Was a consequence of the benzo. This means I was running out of my script throughout the month throwing my body into withdrawal, then reinstating at the beginning of every month. This means I was kindling every month for 7 years

I then had to Cold turkey. Everyone seems to tell others not to Cold turkey which I get that, but not everyone has that opportunity. For me I'd get horrific paradoxical effects after every dose making tapering impossible. Currently 13 or 14 months out I don't know anymore I'm really defeated.

I'm posting this list because I know for me, finding other with the symptoms I have which is hard to do is a saving grace. The issue is that most have the standard of symptoms, anxiety, blurred vision, DP/DR, insomnia. No one really goes into a unique list. Everyone says they've had all the symptoms but they never go into a long list themselves its always the standard symptoms. I decided to just post a updated list of all the symptoms I've had to help some feel so not alone. Most symptoms are gone I only deal with 6-9 now. Hope this helps someone.

Here's the list:

1 - Loss of hair (regrew)/ hair texture changes like cotton candy texture hair and thinning

2 - short term memory issue, I remember there was a entire week where I couldn't Remeber my own age for the life of me

3 - unexplained Ear infections

4- Skin issues, pimples, flushing easily and at random moments for no reason, rashes, skin looks older look and pimples

5 - Benzo flu w/ nausea

6 - Tinnitus and visual disturbances like hearing my name when no one called me

7 - Jerking in sleep and random neck tics

8 - Blood pressure issues both decreased and increased

9 - Rapid heart beat, heart palpitations lasting days to sometimes weeks, chest pressure like a band was squeezing my chest. I still remember the pain I felt like I was on the edge of heart attack this lasted for a good 15 days, I thought I seriously had the MS hug. This was back when I thought I had MS

10 - Body Temperature imbalances and irregularities

11 - Exteme sweating no matter what I did.

12 - Convulsion and two seizures

13 - Chills and cold sweats

14 - Chemical sensativity to damn near everything for a while including my normal medications

15 - Food sensativities

16 - Dental illness, loss of teeth

17 - afraid to drive

18 - afraid to be looked at, keep in mind I never had social anxiety issues before I hit tolerance.

19 - random tremors/shaking for no reason

20 - either difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep or fear to go to sleep. Again never had insomnia issues until tolerance.

21 - Drowsiness like I took a antihistamine or something just out of the blue

22 - extreme dry mouth and metal taste

23 - nightmares and paralysis and this old woman looking at me in the corner and I couldn't move

24 - Paradoxical effects and adverse effects to the Ativan, I'd take a dosage when suppose to when tapering and in 5-10 minutes I'd have these sensations of being out of body or extremely lightweight with my head feeling like it was too heavy, weighed down

25 - Depression. At the worst I'd lock myself in my bedroom for weeks

26 - suicidal ideology and this over whelming urge to harm myself which still freaks me out. I can't explain how it felt it really scared me.

27 - over whelming fear of leaving the house (there's a word for this I can't think of it as I write this list)

28 - social anxiety (never had it before tolerance)

29 - dimmed/heightened emotional status

30 - increased anger and easily frustrated

31 - Apathy (feeling no emtions, a shell of who I was void of characteristics and personality trades

32 - feelings of doom/dread

33 - increase in underlying conditions

34 - Dizzy/lightheadedness/heavy headed, if I'm in a car I'd get these weird and uncomfortable sensations of feeling wobbly and like I was spin and leaning over while the car was moving (I'm in the passenger seat I'd never endanger another person)

35 - Cognitive impairment and fog, forming thoughts and ideas felt like I had a mental block. Like getting to a conclusive thought was like moving in extremely thick liquid...the further I went the thicker my mentality got

36 - difficulty speaking, pronouncing words, difficultly finding the right word, constructing sentences and executing sentences

37 - Inability to form thoughts or visualize what would be a good word for this conversation. I use to be cleaver and sharp

38 - Heightened anxiety/

Anxiety conditions I've never had such as health anxiety, OCDP, Catastrophizing,overthinking intrusive thoughts and chemical embalanced/induced anxiety where cooking could send me into a alerming state of being

39 - Feeling wobbly and off balance especially wheil lying down

40 - sensation of being drunk when I wasn't

41 - Sensation of extreme weakness in over all body, wobbly legs, couldn't lift arms

42 - Sensation of weakness not able to leave my bed

43 - Akathisia three times.

44 - Aches and pains in weird places for no reason

45 - Tightness in head

46 - Depersonalization/derealizarion

47 - Adrenaline rushes

48 - Sensation of extremely weighed down or the opposite of feeling floaty

49 - Sensation of falling within my mind, and when lying down I felt like there was no bed beneath me like was just sinking

50 - Sensation of room expanding and Hallways gaining length

51 - sensations of visual environment staying still while I move/walk as if my visual environment did not move to meet my perception

52 - Hellucinations such as seen shadow people, tasting what I haven't had in years and food not tasting the same

53 - Sensation of brain feeling heavy/weighed down

54 - Blurred vision

55- Light sensitivity, got so bad all I could do for 5 months was sit in a dark room with a blue towel over my eyes

56 - Seeing yellow or blue spots

57- Dim vision

58 - Visual snow

59 - Flickering vision

60 - Visual auras

61 - sensation of Eyes feeling weird

62 - Seeing flashing lights when eyes closed with patterns and sensations of vertigo when eyes are closed

63 -Vivid vision

64 - Uncontrollable visual focus like I'd be locked onto a object at a frightening degree of focus with zoom inhanced

65 - Sensation of extreme dryness in skin or the opisite, like my skin is extremely flaky or sand like in texture

66 - Sensation of skin being pulled apart or crawling

67 - Face dropping especially my eye

68 - Sensation of burning in cheeks, skin around eyes and burnt lips or the oppisite of numbness in my cheeks and lips but normally on my left side but it could switch sides

69 - Sensation of brain moving

70 - Sensation of a object in throat

71 - Sensation of choking

72 - Air Hunger especially when laying down

73 - Tics in neck or involuntary movements

74 - Extreme chest pain and squeezing

75 - Sensation of numbness in left arm and pecs

76 - Fingertip pain and numbness

77 - sensation of palms feeling like sandpaper

78 - inner shakiness in hands, arm and neck without producing shaking exteriorly

79 - Sensation of extreme tightness in left arm (Tri/Bicep) and wrists

80 - Sensation of electric shocks in wrists, elbows and muscles

81 - Weird to painful nerve pain

82 - Abdominal pains/sensations not on skin but inside include:

83 - 1) pinching in intestinal                      track that moves

84 - 2) swelling and inflammation

85 - 3) burning sensations to verious degrees, from sensations of a sun burn to being branded in areas such as stomach, liver, kidneys and lower abdominal in pubic hair area

86 - 4) extreme iching inside, lower abdominal and penis

87 - 5) back pain I never had before

88 - 6) Pelvic pain

89 - 7) stabbing sensations all over abdomin

90 - electric shocks in intestinal track.

91 - 9) swollen abdominal section

92 - sensation of muscle in leg being pushed down

93 - weird rash in legs

94 - pain in left foot primary left food but can alternate side to side like most symptoms

95) - weakness in left food that would switch sides

96) - nail cracking, splitting

97) - spider vains in legs

98) - sensations of burning, numbness in both feet especially at night

99) - sensitivity to heat, I'll get dizzy or feel pins and needles on skin

100) sensation of super smooth, almost uncomfortably smooth skin like my poors, oils and any resistance skin on the face should have, completely gone with mild itching or it could go the other way where my skin feels more pounced and rough, like sand

101) Eye twitches and burning on chin

102) intestinal sandpaper. This one is difficult to explain but it feels like my intestines are sandpaper, very rough and sore.

103) whenever I get nervous, sometimes excited my body feels extremely weak, my limbs feel like jelly and wobbly, my neck shakes and shivers, my hands shake. This is completely different then what you'd experience in a panic or anxiety attack. I could never explain fully what this feels like

104) when I wake up in the morning, my sight needs time to adjust like most people but I see eventhing in micro squares and my eyes feel really weird

105) muscles difference, I couldn't stop losing muscle. Theres a word for this. But I eventually got it all back, like the hair loss it took a minute but I got it back and then some.

106) Swelling in all areas of the body. Randomly for no reason

107) my palms would feel like there was sawdust and extremely dry

108) pelvic pain, penile burning, itching and stinging

109) sometimes I will think about a symptom I experienced and it'll come back around for a few minutes to a few hours

110) Electric painful zaps in intestinal track. (very scary symptom)

111) Air Hunger. I'd get air Hunger with arm tightness and numbness primarily my left arm.

112) Burning in feet, bottom of feet feel on fire but the worst is my big toe on my left, the middle section feels like it's burnt, little sensation like numbness. Like if you touched a stove, that after effect

113) Now my soles of my feet burn, my fingers feel tingling and like they've been pressed against glass... There's a certain rash type of feeling to them but very dull

114) scared to be home alone, I'd feel this sense of doom whenever someone was over and said "Alright man I'm heading out", I'd often start crying because my emotional response was so over the top

115) breast pain, aronnd the nipple

116) Difficulty losing Adrenaline. If I have a panic attack I shake uncontrollably and it takes hours to come back to a normal state even with a lorazepam in my system I still extend the physical symptoms of extreme panic

117) Weird and scary vibration/inner movement/shakey and weak sensation in my neck primarily at the back

118) feeling like I'm On the edge of a horrible possible experience. Example would be my eyes,if I'm having visual disturbances I also have this secondary sensation and effect like I'm just on the edge of blindness.

119) weird sharp feelings. Example, I had this sharp pain like I was stratched by a cat on my lower abdomin near my pubic hair. But there's no marks or visual marks.

120) extreme burning and itchy, lower abdomin by pubic area and tip of my penis head but the burning and itchy felt like I was coming from within, not on the skin. All tests came back clear

121) burning and painful sensations that moves around inside my body from my liver, kidneys to intestinal track. One day it'll effect my liver and the next it'll effect my stomach area and the next some other organ.

122) left leg and arm scary sensation. My upper arm (Bicept area) and upper left leg felt like they were on the edge of giving up. Felt tight sure, but more so loose and weak. My hand and ankle on the left side also felt this. It would build up gradually and there seems to be a cap that it wouldn't go past. At the same time I felt very lightheaded like I was leaning which ever way my head was pointed towards.

There's so this pressure in my head making me feel like I was going to pas out.

123) Liver heat: the best way I could explain this sensation is my liver felt like constant friction, or a sun burn was being applied to my liver. Scary stuff but all tests came back clean.

124) sharp and burning pain in my lacrimal car uncle (small pink part of eye in the corner, had to look up the name) very sharp pain I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It was bad

125) grainy, hazzy and wobbly visual disturbances especially at night

126)feeling like my brain is being pulled in one direction.very scary sensation

Arm and hand feel like they are floating in place.

127) multiple dreams in a night. A brief period throughout this experience was having multiple dreams a night, six and beyond in most cases which freaked me out heavily... I haven't even heard of anyone having multiple dreams. I heard about nightmares but never multiple dreams.

128) My body felt like it was leaning to one side, primarily my left. And my mind also made me feel like I was falling in that direction as well.

129) Recent visual disturbance, a hypo focus where my field of vision seemed to be moved towards me with a sensitivity to light, or if reading the test was much closer then appeared or the text seemed to move and stretch off the page towards me

130) Tingling that shoots down my left arm from shoulder to wrist

131) eating food now triggers my most disturbing symptom where my head feels tight and heavy with some mild to extreme pressure. When I lay down I feel like im falling into the bed which I already listed this one above but these times it's more pronounced. If that was bad enough my left arm feels tight, heavy like and overly weak. Like it takes me effort now to move it and its so scary. Other times it can be the whole body that feels this way making it difficult to move

132) Stroke like sensation in top of the skull, some burning sensations coming from inside the brain. Visual issues worse, bottom jawline and left arm feels droopy, face feels full and thick.

133) this scary sensation that in splitting from reality. Not DR this is different, there's a feeling in my brain followed by a shift in the space around me it's very scary as if my mind is moving from the sides of my head outwards

134) extreme food sensitivity: Damn near everything and I mean everything sets off my symptoms. Either right away or a hour afterwards

135) Bicep/Tricep, left leg feels heavy with a hint of resistance the longer I stay in one position in my bed. Getting up is becoming challenging.

136) Hyper sensation: this one sucks when it picks up steam feels like my entire body is high on caffeine, muscle ache and hurt. I'm extremely jittery as if all my sensory locations on my body are turned up

Hi Mustang,

I read your list and I think u could have put many symptoms into buckets like the visual symptoms together for example…

I have experienced maybe 25% of what u listed, I came up with about 40 symptoms total for mine, I listed them in the past, u might have seen them cause I listed them when u asked to get a list going…

Anyway, I am curious about your 2 seizures… what did they feel like? Can u describe them?

I have experienced 3 times where such intense electricity was coursing from my chest to my hands, that I classified them as minor seizures…

I also experienced a couple of times where I felt a zap from my brain, straight to the heart, which caused instant high heart rate, but then relaxed within minutes… those we extremely weird to even describe…

Karla

I just wanted to mention that I am also a victim of Ativan use, but only 5 weeks plus 3 weeks taper… I am now 18 months post jump, and still dealing with 5-10 symptoms on a weekly basis…

Do not worry too much, u r pretty far out, and I think u might be overthinking the symptoms, this causing u to feel them even stronger…

U will heal soon, but every symptom is a sign of more healing…

Karla