Memory issues when mood shifts

I dont feel connected to myself after waves or windows shift. Thats why i have no connection and memory to how i felt for example 2 weeks ago. It seems like distant past and i have no idea how i felt. That makes problems regarding knowing when did I last had window or wave.

That also makes memory problems. For example everything seems as a distant past to me. If I go on holiday for 3 weeks, i dont have feeling I am resting because I dont have feeling that i havent been doing anything yesterday and day before and so on. Because i am not connected to those days. And 3 weeks holiday passes in an eyeblink and i come back mentally tired as I was prior to holiday. Its not that i dont remember my days,i recall almost everything I did and where I went but i dont feel like it was me there. And becuse of that, those memories fade away quickly. Thats why i cant rest during holiday. Because i dont feel like its me who have been resting day after day. That makes me problems in tracking my recovery because i cant say if I am better now then i used to be i.e. 3 months ago because I dont even remember how i felt last week. I remember events that happened but i dont remember details and how i used to feel. Seasons and years past by me without me feeling them passing. I have a feeling one year passed as quickly as one week. Because there are no memories inside any of those periods.

But I am connected to myself during a course of a day. Its not until my mood shifts that I dont feel connected to yesterday. So every time i enter new wave/mood this happends. This makes so much problems regarding some things where i need to be consistent over a period of time. In example, my dogs vet told me to give my dogs some pills and track if he acts better in a course of 2 weeks. And after two weeks i have no bloody idea if he improved his mood or not. I dont even remember what the baseline of his mood used to be. So i have to write everything down. Or, I used to do my haircut every 2 weeks. And when the date for new haircut comes i have no idea if it passed 1 week or 2 weeks or 3 weeks... So i have to set a phone reminder to get a haircut. Is this some form of demetia? Am I gonna be stuck forever in this?

Am I really the only one? Please if someone feels this ,come forward. I am getting desperate.

I couldn't connect to myself and this made it so I couldn't connect with others, I felt nothing.  This is really common and scary but it all goes away when we recover. 

 

Memory issues are common, I had to write everything down, and the one thing I wished I would have done is track my symptoms.  If I would have written them down and graded their severity I might have been able to see I was improving instead of believing the lies the drug kept telling me, that I was never going to recover.  Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted

 

 

I just ran across this post, it speaks to some of your same feelings, maybe you could join in this thread to let them know they're not alone. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=268974.0