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Weekend user


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Hello,

I joined BB because I have been reading this forum for a long time and now I want to ask a few questions.

So I have been taking benzos 4 years every weekend to help me fall asleep after partying. And I took them regularly every weekend. I took xanax,diazepam and oxazepam. Depending on what I had available. I never had doctors prescription but instead I took pills from my family members who had it. Currently I am not taking any. Last year I had severe mental symptoms and whole year I didnt know what was going on until I accidentaly stumbled upon this web site and found that people here have same problems as I do. Meanwhile I was taking ADs last year because I hoped to find relief in them. Since I found out about BB I stopped taking benzos. But took few rescue doses. So currently I am not taking anything. Mental problems still persist and I occasionaly have some physical like Benzo belly or Ice peak headache but mental issues are horrendous.

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Hello WeekendUser, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

Unfortunately its possible for our bodies to become dependent on sporadic use and it sounds like you did, can you tell us when you quit?  As you probably know recovery takes a long time, have any of your symptoms diminished over time?

 

How many rescue doses have you taken and are you drinking alcohol?

 

I'll provide some resources and links to help you navigate the forum but please let us know how we can help you.

 

Pamster

 

Colorado Consortium Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidelines

 

The Ashton Manual

 

Post-withdrawal Recovery Support

 

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Hi! Thx for the quick answer. Well in late 2019 i stopped taking benzos regularly as I stopped partying regularly. But in 2020 i took them about 10 times in course of a year. Also drank alcohol and occasionally had some coke. Also in 2020 i started to take AD as I was not feeling well. I stabilised somehow on AD-s during that year. But in in early 2021 i took benzos again few more times with alcohol and after partying and i started to take AD doses irregularly. Like taking it for few days and then not taking it for few days. At that point things took turn for worse and I decided to stop taking ADs as I felt I no longer have benefits from them. Anxiety,depression,dpdr,cog fog,irritability,restlessness,aggression,mood swings etc became terrible. So I stopped AD cold turkey. After stopping AD mid April things didnt improve. So I tried to find relief in alcohol,coke and benzos for like 4-5 times unit November. Things were getting worse and worse. Then I found out about BB in November. Since that November 2021 I took only one rescue dose and it was in April this year. I am feeling unwell all this time. Some days i feel even more unwell then I did 2.5 years ago when all this started. I had some waves of feeling normal in March but generally I feel low. Is it possible all the kindling I did is preventing me from healing and is the reason I am not having any progress? I had some symptoms diminsh but new ones emerged also.
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I was going to talk to you about kindling but I see you're already aware that this is a possibility in your situation.  My feeling is that you have kindled yourself but this won't prevent you from recovering, it will just make it more intense. 

 

The waxing and waning of symptoms is normal but I feel it would help if you wrote down your symptoms and graded them by their severity.  I failed to do this when I was recovering so I couldn't see I was improving, our brain can't seem to register this so we need proof on paper in order to feel better about our recovery.

 

You didn't say if you've stopped drinking, although I may have missed it, I hope you have since alcohol works on the same receptors in the brain.  You could be suffering with two issues right now, one being antidepressant withdrawal symptoms as well as the benzo's.

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Ok, so I would like to write down severity of my symptoms but it is really impossible. Because every day the severity is different. Sometimes the dpdr is over the roof,other days its gone. Some days anxiety is oberwhelming,other days its minimal. And so on.  Is this normal? I feel like everyday is different. Every wave is different,every window is different and every neutral day is different. These mood swings and instability are killing me. I am ruminating all the time I have bipolar or something. Even thou I dont have manic episodes and I sleep well.. is it normal to have every day different and not feeling stable?

I will write down all the symptoms but as I said, I cant really grade them as they fluctuate on every mood change.

 

Dpdr,anxiety,depression,nostalgia,not feeling like myself,sense of loss of identity,mood swings,irritability,anger and rage, cog fog,memory impairments, anhedonia, self analysis, social anxiety,apathy,pessimism,sleeping too much,food cravings, hypochondria and mental health anxiety, benzo belly, rare ice peak headache, eye strain, no libido.

 

I stopped alcohol and everything else. I dont drink coffee no more, i dont smoke.

 

Before this all started to happed i never had any mental issues going on. I never even ecperienced none of this symptoms I mentioned in my life. I am so affraid this is some irriversable mental illness. I am currently in a bad wave last 5 days and seem hopeless. All the sypmtoms are over the roof.

 

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You'll see every symptom you mention and the reasons why you feel them in this chapter.  I read it a lot because it helped me to not be so afraid, what I was feeling was 'normal'.  https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htm

 

Just writing down your symptoms will help even if you don't grade them because when some of them disappear for good you'll at least be able to note that.  All of these feelings and sensations will be gone when you recover, our brains can work miracles even when we've abused them for so long.  I'm glad you've stopped the alcohol, this will aid your recovery.

 

 

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