Jump to content

RIDICULOUS DOCTOR QUOTES---ADD YOURS HERE


[Ma...]

Recommended Posts

Psychiatrist-as I hand her the Ashton Manuel..”She’s not a real doctor”.  As I assume she wants to hear about my experiences she said we only had fifteen minutes and that I should find a counselor if I wanted to “talk”. Had never seen a psychiatrist before...what do they do?

Most psychiatrists are prescribing doctors only. They are supposedly monitoring your medications. For the $400.+ that they bill for their 15 minutes they write one of 5 prescriptions. There are a few who still do talk therapy but not many. In the end, most still want to write a prescription. It's fast and very profitable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 152
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • [Mo...]

    8

  • [...]

    7

  • [...]

    6

  • [...]

    4

When I told my GP...its strange.....now I have to increase the dosage in order

to sleep....he replied with a smile...

 

No worries ....there is plenty more where they come from.

 

How does the son of a gun get away with this ?  :o

 

For 2 years I tried to sue his ass....no chance. ...evil system.

 

Terrible system, evil is right. I’m afraid to read most of the thread, (plus I’m trying not just read endlessly on here and have shortened ability to concentrate) and I’m a little afraid to think of other things my doctors said.

 

One thing, is I was in so much stress, trauma and disbelief through so many of those interactions that I probably can’t even remember a whole lot. But some I think I try and block out, and so eventually I’m going to try and write what I can remember probably.

 

I feel sick about all of it, I know I’m not alone in that. It’s really dark.

 

No you're not alone mon pilote....might be a good thing not to remember.

 

Thank you Morreweg, I guess we do what we need at the time. Whatever that means in this, some days I focus in on the feelings or my mind and emotions seem to be able to handle it better (or something???) Really painful, unfathomable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Forgot to add one of my favourite doctor quotes...

 

"You don't have insomnia, you're depressed. I want to schedule you to start ECT tomorrow."

 

OMFG.  :'(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After telling my pDoc about getting nausea for 3 weeks and voicing my concerns on Valium, he does this:

 

"... And what can I do for you today?" (cheerful tone in his voice)(pDoc).

"I'm starting to have real bad stomach cramps and nausea. I think it's the Valium that's causing the trouble." (Me.)

"Ohh... (half-concerned look on his face) It's a bit unusual for Valium to cause nausea. How long have you had that?"

"3 weeks non-stop".

"Okay, do you want me to take you off the Valium?"

"If it's safe to do so, then yeah go ahead."

"I'll take you off Valium and put you on some Serax. Now I know it's another benzo (giggles), but you'll need it to control your anxiety."

PRESCRIBES ME OXAZEPAM.

So I researched it and threw the darn packet in the bin.

God, I wish I did this with my Valium.

Dave.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Forgot to add one of my favourite doctor quotes...

 

"You don't have insomnia, you're depressed. I want to schedule you to start ECT tomorrow."

Oh, dear Lord...  :sick:

Electro-Convulsive Therapy to treat depression? Seriously?

 

DrPhil.jpg

 

Dave.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Forgot to add one of my favourite doctor quotes...

 

"You don't have insomnia, you're depressed. I want to schedule you to start ECT tomorrow."

Oh, dear Lord...  :sick:

Electro-Convulsive Therapy to treat depression? Seriously?

 

 

 

Dave.

 

Unfortunately, yes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to preface this by saying I don’t remember our exact conversation word for word. My wife says this is how she remembers it too though. 

 

 

 

 

 

Within 5 minutes of seeing a "top" neurologist in a Philly Hospital: 

 

 

 

Her: "Tell me why you're here..."

 

 

 

Me:  "OK, I brought a list of my symptoms with me for you to read because brain fog is one of them..."

 

 

 

Her: *puts hand up. "Please, I want to hear you describe them.."  (OK, makes sort of sense- see where I am cognitively) 

 

 

 

Me: OK, well I have this sick repulsive caustic burning prickling bee sting mosquito bite itching acid menthol sensation all over my body, mostly in my arms and legs but sometimes in my shoulders, back, neck, head, scalp, and face. Surges of acid in my veins and cool energy flowing through my body. I have head pressure- it’s not painful, just like I have cement in my head. Twitching muscles- like I have popping popcorn all over my body. Agitation, jumping out of skin restlessness, terror- not anxiety but flight or fight sensation of nothing and everything. Derealization. Sensory distortions- sounds echo and are disturbing. My eyes sometimes dart back and forth. Boatiness. Brain fog- I think I told you that. Tinnitus. Not normal ringing in my ears but a deep whine like an airliner taking off mixed with a sizzling sensation like my brain is frying on a pan or I have pop –rocks in my skull. My body feels like it’s vibrating. Weaness, flu-like--

 

 

 

Her: "Do you have the flu?" 

 

 

 

Me: "No....(* tries to refocus), lack of recall, a feeling of internal pressure in my body, oh—arrhythmias, tachycardia, dysautonomia...POTS, tight muscles, I guess that covers most of it for now." 

 

 

 

Her: *smiles warmly. "You may not believe me, but these are migraines"

 

 

 

Me: …....."But I don't get headaches.”

 

 

 

Her: "Head pressure is migraines. Burning sensations are migraines.”

 

 

 

Me: "I thought it was called paresthesia... "

 

 

 

Her: "I know you consulted Dr. Google before this appointment, and I look like I just graduated high school (she didn't look THAT young) so you probably don't want to listen to me, but I can assure you that all of these sensations may feel horrible, but you won’t die from them. 75% of people referred to neurology have migraines- not NMDA encephalitis, or MS, or Parkinsons...

 

 

 

…....10 minutes of her explaining the several varieties of migraines and the drug used to treat them....

 

 

 

“Would you like to try Topomax?”

 

 

 

Me: “I don’t want more medicine that messes with the brain. That’s what got me into this mess to begin with but I wanted to rule out anything serious” 

 

 

 

Her: "Do you know what really causes changes in the brain? It’s not medicine- that's only temporary and goes away when the medicine leaves the system. "

 

 

Stress....stress causes permanent changes to your plastic brain. Are you experiencing stress right now in your life?" 

 

 

 

Me: …...........

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to preface this by saying I don’t remember our exact conversation word for word. My wife says this is how she remembers it too though. 

 

 

 

 

 

Within 5 minutes of seeing a "top" neurologist in a Philly Hospital: 

 

 

 

Her: "Tell me why you're here..."

 

 

 

Me:  "OK, I brought a list of my symptoms with me for you to read because brain fog is one of them..."

 

 

 

Her: *puts hand up. "Please, I want to hear you describe them.."  (OK, makes sort of sense- see where I am cognitively) 

 

 

 

Me: OK, well I have this sick repulsive caustic burning prickling bee sting mosquito bite itching acid menthol sensation all over my body, mostly in my arms and legs but sometimes in my shoulders, back, neck, head, scalp, and face. Surges of acid in my veins and cool energy flowing through my body. I have head pressure- it’s not painful, just like I have cement in my head. Twitching muscles- like I have popping popcorn all over my body. Agitation, jumping out of skin restlessness, terror- not anxiety but flight or fight sensation of nothing and everything. Derealization. Sensory distortions- sounds echo and are disturbing. My eyes sometimes dart back and forth. Boatiness. Brain fog- I think I told you that. Tinnitus. Not normal ringing in my ears but a deep whine like an airliner taking off mixed with a sizzling sensation like my brain is frying on a pan or I have pop –rocks in my skull. My body feels like it’s vibrating. Weaness, flu-like--

 

 

 

Her: "Do you have the flu?" 

 

 

 

Me: "No....(* tries to refocus), lack of recall, a feeling of internal pressure in my body, oh—arrhythmias, tachycardia, dysautonomia...POTS, tight muscles, I guess that covers most of it for now." 

 

 

 

Her: *smiles warmly. "You may not believe me, but these are migraines"

 

 

 

Me: …....."But I don't get headaches.”

 

 

 

Her: "Head pressure is migraines. Burning sensations are migraines.”

 

 

 

Me: "I thought it was called paresthesia... "

 

 

 

Her: "I know you consulted Dr. Google before this appointment, and I look like I just graduated high school (she didn't look that young) so you probably don't want to listen to me, but I can assure you that all of these sensations may feel horrible, but you won’t die from them. 75% of people referred to neurology have migraines- not NMDA encephalitis, or MS, or Parkinsons...

 

 

 

…....10 minutes of her explaining the several varieties of migraines and the drug used to treat them....

 

 

 

“Would you like to try Topomax?”

 

 

 

Me: “I don’t want more medicine that messes with the brain. That’s what got me into this mess to begin with but I wanted to rule out anything serious” 

 

 

 

Her: "Do you know what really causes changes in the brain? It’s not medicine- that's only temporary and goes away when the medicine leaves the system. "

 

 

Stress....stress causes permanent changes to your plastic brain. Are you experiencing stress right now in your life?" 

 

 

 

Me: …...........

 

Heartbreaking, thank you for sharing it. Unfortunate this is not really surprising... just heartbreaking. Such a typical attitude, even with the extraordinary pompous emphasis on how great she is: “...and I look like I just graduated from HS.”  Along with the “Dr. Google comment.”

 

Deflating.

 

Flagrant.

 

Typical.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

Her: "Do you know what really causes changes in the brain? It’s not medicine- that's only temporary and goes away when the medicine leaves the system. "

 

 

Doctors would love to have that written in stone in the medical literature and never removed or questioned.

 

I really hope you asked her if death from status epilepticus is only temporary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

Her: "Do you know what really causes changes in the brain? It’s not medicine- that's only temporary and goes away when the medicine leaves the system. "

 

 

Doctors would love to have that written in stone in the medical literature and never removed or questioned.

 

I really hope you asked her if death from status epilepticus is only temporary.

 

LOL! Well said...DG, we can always count on you to slam it in succinctly. Besides my brain not being as quick as it used to be, I honestly didn't think of much beyond how surprised I was that she made the high school comment or how much of a waste of time this was.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I want to preface this by saying I don’t remember our exact conversation word for word. My wife says this is how she remembers it too though. 

 

 

 

 

 

Within 5 minutes of seeing a "top" neurologist in a Philly Hospital: 

 

 

 

Her: "Tell me why you're here..."

 

 

 

Me:  "OK, I brought a list of my symptoms with me for you to read because brain fog is one of them..."

 

 

 

Her: *puts hand up. "Please, I want to hear you describe them.."  (OK, makes sort of sense- see where I am cognitively) 

 

 

 

Me: OK, well I have this sick repulsive caustic burning prickling bee sting mosquito bite itching acid menthol sensation all over my body, mostly in my arms and legs but sometimes in my shoulders, back, neck, head, scalp, and face. Surges of acid in my veins and cool energy flowing through my body. I have head pressure- it’s not painful, just like I have cement in my head. Twitching muscles- like I have popping popcorn all over my body. Agitation, jumping out of skin restlessness, terror- not anxiety but flight or fight sensation of nothing and everything. Derealization. Sensory distortions- sounds echo and are disturbing. My eyes sometimes dart back and forth. Boatiness. Brain fog- I think I told you that. Tinnitus. Not normal ringing in my ears but a deep whine like an airliner taking off mixed with a sizzling sensation like my brain is frying on a pan or I have pop –rocks in my skull. My body feels like it’s vibrating. Weaness, flu-like--

 

 

 

Her: "Do you have the flu?" 

 

 

 

Me: "No....(* tries to refocus), lack of recall, a feeling of internal pressure in my body, oh—arrhythmias, tachycardia, dysautonomia...POTS, tight muscles, I guess that covers most of it for now." 

 

 

 

Her: *smiles warmly. "You may not believe me, but these are migraines"

 

 

 

Me: …....."But I don't get headaches.”

 

 

 

Her: "Head pressure is migraines. Burning sensations are migraines.”

 

 

 

Me: "I thought it was called paresthesia... "

 

 

 

Her: "I know you consulted Dr. Google before this appointment, and I look like I just graduated high school (she didn't look THAT young) so you probably don't want to listen to me, but I can assure you that all of these sensations may feel horrible, but you won’t die from them. 75% of people referred to neurology have migraines- not NMDA encephalitis, or MS, or Parkinsons...

 

 

 

…....10 minutes of her explaining the several varieties of migraines and the drug used to treat them....

 

 

 

“Would you like to try Topomax?”

 

 

 

Me: “I don’t want more medicine that messes with the brain. That’s what got me into this mess to begin with but I wanted to rule out anything serious” 

 

 

 

Her: "Do you know what really causes changes in the brain? It’s not medicine- that's only temporary and goes away when the medicine leaves the system. "

 

 

Stress....stress causes permanent changes to your plastic brain. Are you experiencing stress right now in your life?" 

 

 

 

Me: …...........

 

How can top neurologists not know?

 

This is just unbelievable.

 

I'm not not surprised but it still totally baffles me given all the information available.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Is there was something in particular you'd like to try?" I'd like to try and come off the meds! After many years of daily use of klonipin or valium mixing in xanax for panick attacks.. "we dont want to increase the xanax because you could get addicted and that would be bad. " pretty sure that shipped sailed many years ago.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Is there was something in particular you'd like to try?" I'd like to try and come off the meds! After many years of daily use of klonipin or valium mixing in xanax for panick attacks.. "we dont want to increase the xanax because you could get addicted and that would be bad. " pretty sure that shipped sailed many years ago.

 

sun.... I actually chuckled at that goofy exchange.  After we pick our jaw from the floor....sometimes we  look back and smile.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another doctor who I saw concerning my Valium use:

 

"What can I do for you today?"

"I need help with something, and it might not please you. I need help in getting off these *slams Valium vial on table*."

Her eyes widen with disgust.

"Okay, who put you on them?"

"********* at ******** *********** (name removed to protect identity of doctor)"

"I can't really help you because we don't prescribe that in our clinic. How often do you take Valium."

"Once every two days."

"I would stick to that regimen, don't take any more." (even though even dosing is required in dependency  :idiot: )

"So do you suffer any anxiety or depression?"

"Yes doctor, I do."

(Gives me a depression checklist, I fail it).

"Okay you have depression. Can I suggest an SS..."

"An SSRI, like an Antidepressant?"

"Yeah that's it, so basically it works by reuptaking..."

"Serotonin. Yeah it's a Selective Serotonin Reuptake inhibitor which changes brain chemistry."

"Yes you're right actually (giggles). I'm going to try you on some Paroxetine, it's pretty strong stuff, but you come back to me and I'll wean you off properly. It's going to take 2 weeks to adjust. You will feel pretty yucky for the first week, but after that, you should be feeling pretty good."

She doesn't bother to wean me off my 5mg Valium.

I felt awful. So awful. My whole body shook uncontrollably.

2 days later, I return to the Paxil pDoc.

"Hi doctor, I cannot take Paxil. Can I please stop taking it?"

"Sure. Would you like to try another SSRI?"  :idiot:

"No thank you!"

Walked out.

Had a spirometry test a week later, came back clear.

Charged $45 for it.

Never went back there.

 

:idiot: :idiot: :idiot:

 

Dave.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Visited the Doctor about a what turned out to be a chest infection, 

 

Me ..Doctor can you listen to my chest I think I may have an infection,

 

Doctor, .. You haven't got a chest infection it's your anxiety, and further more I wish to add that no matter what you say ,  I do not believe in withdrawal symptoms,  there is no such thing ,  All yours are anxiety.

 

Really? 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My beef: my doc doesn't remember because she doesn't take notes and every visit she has no idea of where I am at in the taper.  I'm in an endless line of patients and  she apparently “wings it”.  My therapist is a nice lady.... but.....

 

Therapist: So, now you're at .5 mg 3 times a day........

Me: No...I've been holding on a single .5mg K tablet/day for the last 3 months. You may recall I've mentioned this living hell and I've finally been considering an updose.

Therapist: So....... you're ready to drop another quarter.......

My thought: wtf ...?

Therapist: Let's switch you to Valium and you'll feel better..... 

My thought: wtf ...?

Therapist: I'll write a script for diazepam and starting tonight, take 3 mg V ...three times/day.

Me: That seems rather sudden.....

Therapist: I did this with another patient last week and she's doing fine.

Me: Is it possible for me to talk with the other patient ??

Both of us: …..awkward silence..........

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is great.  Really hilarious, sad and scary ALL in one!!!  I could come up with a lot of these but this is the most recent.

 

Went to neurologist, headache doctor, just for one year routine appt so I don't get cancelled as a patient - not related to benzo w/d.  However, I explain that I'm now in benzo w/d trying to taper, just crossed over to Valium.  Tell her about all my crazy symptoms.

 

Her:  I've never heard of that before.  I don't usually prescribe benzos but I've never had a patient with those symptoms in benzo w/d. 

 

Me:  Well, it's happening to me.  My idiot psychiatrist had me hold my taper too long after coming down from a higher dose and I went into acute tolerance w/d.  Most doctors aren't benzo wise. 

 

Her:  Well, .5 mg of Klonopin is a really low dose.  I usually taper my patients down .5 mg of Klonopin per week.  So if they are on 1.5 mg, I will have them take 1 mg for one week, .5 mg for one week and then stop.

 

Me:  (Mouth hanging open.....then) What?  That's WAY too fast.  Most people are going to have a lot of problems going that quickly.

 

Her:  (Eye rolls).  I think I know what I'm talking about.  I went to medical school and had training for this sort of stuff. 

 

Well, won't be going back there again.  IDIOT!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

After 5 years in bed from a brutal withdrawal and losing $300,000 and becoming penniless my doctor congratulated me on my mental resolve for finishing my withdrawal

 

And then he told me that he and his doctor friends joke amongst themselves by calling alprazolam (Xanax)

Alcatraz-alam because it makes people so crazy.

 

Don't you think you should have told me before you prescribed it?

 

And then he said for a man your age, 61, our target is 6 medications.

 

I said my target is zero

 

SEE YA!

 

River

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After 5 years in bed from a brutal withdrawal and losing $300,000 and becoming penniless my doctor congratulated me on my mental resolve for finishing my withdrawal

 

And then he told me that he and his doctor friends joke amongst themselves by calling alprazolam (Xanax)

Alcatraz-alam because it makes people so crazy.

 

Don't you think you should have told me before you prescribed it?

 

And then he said for a man your age, 61, our target is 6 medications.

 

I said my target is zero

 

SEE YA!

 

River

 

Hi River!

 

It's nice to see you posting again!  I see you are doing well, I'm very happy for you.

 

Target is 6 medications??? Yikes, I'm with you, I'm 69 and my goal is zero. So far so good!

 

PG  :smitten:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

In detox I was trying to make myself stay in a good mood. So I tried joking with the DR.

I said you probably think I look so much like Angelina Jolie that you are confused.

He said. I would never confuse you with Angelina Jolie.

Yikes? And he did even say it nicely?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I asked my doctor how long it's going to take for me to withdraw from clonazepam after taking it for 3 years, he said with great confidence" count one month for each year you took it, it will be 3 months at most", that's what I completely expected when I quit.. here I am still 21 months later.. needless to say, I don't go see that doctor any more)..
Link to comment
Share on other sites

After 5 years in bed from a brutal withdrawal and losing $300,000 and becoming penniless my doctor congratulated me on my mental resolve for finishing my withdrawal

 

And then he told me that he and his doctor friends joke amongst themselves by calling alprazolam (Xanax)

Alcatraz-alam because it makes people so crazy.

 

Don't you think you should have told me before you prescribed it?

 

And then he said for a man your age, 61, our target is 6 medications.

 

I said my target is zero

 

SEE YA!

 

River

 

These sadists (doctors) had my 80+ Mother-in-Law on well over 20 medications. She literally had her guest bedroom converted into what she called her “pill room”.  Bottles were lined up everywhere. She was so poly drugged no one knew how to dispense her “medications” in any meaningful order.  It was a clusterfuck. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...