HI family man, hate xanax want my life back!

Hi everyone so to start I hate HATE xanax. This is the worst drug made. So heres my story. Back in 2020 (oh ya good ole 2020) the year of the pandemic.. My wife and i and 2 kids bought 40 acres to develop and build a home. I was 40 years old working my ass off. We were living in a fifth wheel off grid. Covid hit our family in January which is before it was technically even here according to cdc and fauci. My son and I got hit hard. I was really sick for about a month. Shortly after getting better I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart racing/pounding. My heart rate was about 110 normally its resting at 65. My hands felt tingly and I didnt know what was going on started to panic and pace back and forth. I woke my wife up to tell here something was wrong and she tried to calm me and said i was just experiencing a panic attack. Took me till morning to finally fall asleep. next few days these panic attacks continued. Finally got so bad my wife and father in law took me to ER. They ran all these test egr, echocardio grahm. ect.. The doctor came back and told me I am probably experiencing a midlife crisis and I need to work out more. lol I literately laughed at him. I was in the best shape of my life and so happy to have finally bought property to build a home for my family. So fast forward. life got stressful. We ended up selling our property and going through a long stressful sale to get into the home were in now. Then we planned to get married. I was having these random panic attacks or who knows what they were. Some of them were so bad I thought I was gonna die or my wife was gonna have to drive me to the ER. I was telling a friend about this and he had a few xanax and said man try these they help so much for anxiety or panic attacks. Well and down the rabbit hole i went. They made me feel so calm and normal again. .5 mg a day went to .5 three times a day and here I am today completely addicted to them to feel normal every day. I have read the ashton manual after reading some stuff here on benzos buddies. I want to do the slow taper to valuim because i have a life, work, kids and cant just go check myself into 30+ days of intake. I cant find any doctors, psychiatrist, counsler, mental health. no one will help me or prescribe valium and let me do a slow taper outake. I am so frustrated and I want off these and want my life back. I hate being addicted to something that i have to take or I feel like im gonna die. I have been taking 1.5mg a day for just a little over a year now.. .5 when i wake up.5 at noon .5 at 6pm

Hello Mauiinfinity, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

 

We HATE Xanax too so you're in good company!  I'm sorry to know how much this drug has affected your life and sorry you're not getting the kind of help you need from the medical community, its very common for there to be resistance to Valium in this country.  The good news is you can taper directly from the Xanax, its challenging but many of our members have been successful.

 

I'm happy you've read the Ashton manual and are informed about the need for a slow taper, we have to stay functional, right?  Detox doesn't really work for our situation, sure they can get us off the drug safely but our recovery takes a long time and there's nothing they can do to speed that up, the brain heals at it's own rate.

 

I'll provide some resources to get you started but please let us know how we can help you.

 

Pamster

 

Colorado Consortium Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidelines

 

Planning Your Withdrawal (Taper)

 

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

Hi Mauiinfinity and welcome to BB.

I hate being addicted to something that i have to take or I feel like im gonna die.

I can truly sympathize. I know this feeling well with the short half-life xanax. It was the very 1st benzo I was put on.

They made me feel so calm and normal again. .5 mg a day went to .5 three times a day and here I am today

Yep, this is exactly happens to most of us as the brain adapts to the presence of the drug and tolerance creeps in.

I cant find any doctors, psychiatrist, counsler, mental health. no one will help me or prescribe valium and let me do a slow taper outake.

How are you getting the xanax? Is this black market, or is someone legally prescribing this to you?

 

 

 

Mauiinfinity, I completely see and hear you loud and clear.  I empathize with you hate Xanax too!  In my personal experience, I failed a direct taper from Xanax so for me switching to Valium really helped.  I am only in the beginning of my taper, but for me the Valium really helped.  You are in the right place, there are so many knowledgeable people here to help you. 

how did you get valium. I cant get any doctors to prescribe me it.... I have contacted a few rehab centers and they said they wont do outpatient for xanax detox only inpatient... one place covered by my insurance wanted to do 30 days which I cant do I will loose my job, house everything. the other place wanted 1000 dollars a day for a 10 day detox..... I really would like to taper with valium just dont know how to do that other than buying it black market.

 

Hi Mauiinfinity and welcome to BB.

I hate being addicted to something that i have to take or I feel like im gonna die.

I can truly sympathize. I know this feeling well with the short half-life xanax. It was the very 1st benzo I was put on.

They made me feel so calm and normal again. .5 mg a day went to .5 three times a day and here I am today

Yep, this is exactly happens to most of us as the brain adapts to the presence of the drug and tolerance creeps in.

I cant find any doctors, psychiatrist, counselor, mental health. no one will help me or prescribe valium and let me do a slow taper outake.

How are you getting the xanax? Is this black market, or is someone legally prescribing this to you?

 

I am getting in black market doctors, counselors, psychiatrist, all wont prescribe me anything even after I have shared with them the ashton manual and that this is how I want to do this. I have great discipline and never had drug abuse problems in the past I know I can do this taper and I have never uped my dose of .5 three times daily. I have only been taking it to just feel normal.

My doctor understands how to get people off of Benzos and prescribes it.  It took me many years to find a good doctor to help me though.  Keep looking for a doctor to prescribe it.  Don't fall for those rehab clinics, they just want your money!  Benzos need to be tapered slowly.  Do you see a Psychiatrist?

I still do not understand. You are currently taking .5 mgs of xanax 3X per day and have been since 2020. Explain exactly how you are getting this xanax. You said in your initial post you got a few from a friend in the beginning. Are you still getting xanax from this friend?

 

If yes, it is going to be really hard to convince some doctor to Rx you valium to help you detox black market xanax. How do you convince a doctor to help you get off a legal drug that you are taking illegally? You have no way to prove what you are saying. Had you been prescribed xanax from the start from a licensed prescriber, it would be a lot easier to find someone to help you maybe transition to valium.

 

If you are still getting the xanax off the black market, how much is this costing you? Generic benzos are all pretty cheap when they are being legally prescribed to you. What have psychiatrists you have seen told you when you tell them what you told us here at benzobuddies?

 

 

I am getting in black market doctors, counselors, psychiatrist, all wont prescribe me anything even after I have shared with them the ashton manual and that this is how I want to do this. I have great discipline and never had drug abuse problems in the past I know I can do this taper and I have never uped my dose of .5 three times daily. I have only been taking it to just feel normal.

 

We can help you taper from 1.5 mgs a day and as long as you have a steady supply from whatever source you use it's possible to do this.  Do you feel you're getting the same drug each time you purchase it, what I mean is does it feel like its consistent so you can know what to expect each time?

 

I believe you can do this without the help of the medical community, especially with the right attitude and you appear to have that.  If you'd like help figuring out a taper plan please start a thread on this board and we'll get you started. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0

Pam is right and this is what I would suggest too if xanax is your only option unless you can somehow find a sympathetic pdoc who believes you who is willing to Rx valium.

 

Someone here found some telemedicine pdoc who they had never seen in person prescribing benzos to them which I find incredible, but I think COVID made this possible to do. I don't think the majority of teledocs will Rx you controlled meds like benzos w/o seeing you F2F in an office setting tho.

Anti Benzo- that was me who saw the pdoc via Telehealth. In my state is was legal due to Covid.  In my state we also have a system called E-Force which doctors that prescribe controlled meds log into that shows every single controlled med you have filled, the date, time, location, prescriber, etc.  So, my amazing, compassionate Pdoc could see I was not lying about what meds I was taking.  I was also asking to Taper and was not asking for more medication.  I looked for years in my area and couldn't find a doctor who had the knowledge to help me.

 

That is now over and I had my first visit with him this week.  A 2.5 hour drive each way, but well worth it!  I would do anything to get off of this drug that I took as prescribed.  It was nice to meet him anyway and he was open to prescribing liquid Valium for my Valium taper to keep it at 10% reduction per month.  I am so grateful for him!

OK cooper, thanks....I remember talking to you now. I Hope you have been doing ok. I am happy to hear you found a compassionate pdoc who is helping you.  Try to enjoy your weekend.