Feel defeated

 

I hate to admit it but I'm losing this fight. I am exhausted and without hope. I quit klonopin, which I used intermittently for insomnia for years, ct in January. I am a fraction of the person I used to be.  As I write this. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I haven't slept in 3 days and wake up with intrusive thoughts or in terror.  I don't know if I should have quit the drug at this point. Everything and everybody feels weird to me. I feel utterly disconnected from life and have no idea who I am. I want to go back and revisit the happier me but I fear she is gone for good.  I don't know what to do anymore. This is not living. This is hell.  :'(

It ok to feel defeated at times. Withdrawal does get better, I have been exactly where you are. Pamster, an admin, ct'd off a very high dose of klonopin and is a good example of recovery.

 

A disturbing aspect of withdrawal is that we feel so different from how we are used to that we don't recognize ourselves anymore and get fearful that this is the new norm. I really suggest you read some success stories or even go through the posts of other members in a similar circumstance from start to finish.

 

I know 'darkest before the dawn' seems like clichéd tripe, but in recovery things aren't always linear. You may have a good window just around the corner.

 

You are scared.

You are hurting.

You have doubts that you will ever recover.

 

All normal feelings for those in recovery. Just remember that you are also not alone.

Thanks Crono. I feel alone.  It's just horrible.

Thanks Crono. I feel alone.  It's just horrible.

 

You're not alone. We are all here and understand how you're feeling. It does get better I promise 

I'm so sorry!

I was so scared of losing the real me during WD. Especially because it's takes so long . I kept telling my husband not to forget the real me. I did something kind of weird......but it actually helped:

I asked my best friend to just remind me of the real me. To text me funny stories about myself or things we had done. She also would text me about cool stuff we would do when I got better, or things she knew the real me would be interested in.

At the time I would read the stories about myself and about what I was really like and it didn't seem that helpful at all!......but it was!!! Because later when I started feeling better it helped me not be so far away from myself. Helped to have those people whispering in my ear all along "this is who you are".

Now I'm like an even more vivid version of myself! It's like  "Me +"

It's awesome

Hi Prayerful. I’m so sorry you are feeling so defeated. I understand the exhaustion of having to fight through every second of every minute of every hour………..

The outcome for some cancer patients is death.

The outcome for benzo users is recovery and life!

We all have to just keep existing somehow, anyhow, until this happens.

I hope it happens for you very soon.

I had a few good days and now I have gone down with a tummy bug and it has set me right back. I am exhausted from not being able to eat and nausea and tummy pains.

We have no choice but to make it through another day.

Sending a huge healing hug.

Hardy 💕

Thank you for your encouraging posts.  I am so very appreciative. My dr. Rxed me Hydroxyzine  to use for insomnia and Clonidine too.  I'll use them sparingly on an as needed basis (with fingers crossed).

Careful with clonidine only because you usually have to taper that one or you can get rebound high blood pressure. Ask your doc