Low dose dependent?

Hi!

I found this forum after a long time. I am 31 years old and currently in need of support by people with personal experience. 2016 I got Oxazepam for my anxiety when I was admitted to the hospital. Can´t say i used them that much because I didn´t know what they were.

September 2019 I was described Diazepam 5 mg. I now knew what benzos were and at that time I did not care very much. I had one rule and that was to never take more than one pill á 5 mg a week. Sometimes I even took half a pill. I have kept that rule of mine and actually not been taking more than one pill a week, average time I would say is about one pill in 8 days. Unfortunately that rule gave me permission to take a pill after one week even though my anxiety wasn´t that bad. On this dose and frequency I´ve been on till November 2021 when I had a "break" for 6 weeks. Then I did not feel anything weird or very bad, just a little more anxious the second week. In March 2022 I started to get panic attacks and a weird sensation in my head. Like I´m alert but very tired at the same time. My tinnitus has worsened and I am anxious mostly all day long. I must say in this circumstance that my past year has been extremely stressful emotionally and mentally. But I got worried that the benzos were the problem. When my attacks started to come, I was 4 weeks of the last dose of 2,5 mg. Then the hell started. Nervous, panic attacks and this stressed out head. I was so scared that i did not take a pill for almost 2,5 months. Then I had a very rough night and took 2,5 mg.

I´m just wondering if 5 mg (2,5 sometimes) of diazepam every 8 day since 2019 could be the reason behind my present problems? Am I dependent on that dose once a week? Could that dose really cause this kind of hell?

Please share your thoughts! <3

Hello Wons90, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

Unfortunately yes, taking benzodiazepines even sporadically can lead to dependence and withdrawal symptoms and from what you're describing I'd bet this is what has happened.  Diazepam stays in your system much longer than other benzo's so I'm not surprised to hear your symptoms took so long to manifest.  Did you feel relief when you took the 2.5 mg during that rough night?

These are definitions of what is known as kindling, this is what I surmise has happened to you from The Alliance for Benzodiazepine Best Practices:

"It is important to note that kindling is likely to occur if benzodiazepines are used on a prn (“as-needed”) basis while withdrawing or recovering from benzodiazepine physiological dependence."

Kindling - The Alliance for Benzodiazepine Best Practices

https://benzoreform.org/kindling/

Kindling - Benzodiazepine Information Coalition

https://www.benzoinfo.com/kindling/

The good news is you can recover from this, many have but the not so good news is, it takes awhile for your brain to repair the damage done by the drug.  I believe that once you do recover, you'll notice less anxiety because once our body becomes dependent on these drugs, it begins to cause the issues we went on them to fix.

I'll provide some resources for you to check out but please let us know how we can help you.

Pamster

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

The Ashton Manual

Thanks for the answer! I actually got more calm after taking the 2,5 mg. The thing is I have never felt that the pills effect wore off or that I Needed to take more to get an effect. And the weird thing is that this autumn I didn´t take any pill for 6 weeks without even feeling anything. Why would I feel so much this time thou? Regarding the low amount I have taken, the damage should not be that big right?

It´s now 4 days since I took the 2,5 mg and so far it is just the anxiety and ringing in the ear that is bugging me.

Actually the kindling scenario fits perfectly with your experience last fall, many find they can repeatedly discontinue these medications until they can't, I would take this as a big red flag to think twice before taking them again.

What I've found is that length of time on the drug plays a bigger role than the dose, this is my personal opinion from observing members on the forum so don't be lulled into complacency the small dose you've taken or the infrequency with which you take them.  Stopping and starting these drugs repeatedly no matter what the dose can bring about increased symptom intensity each time you do it.

Thanks! I guess the big answer to the question is to never take them again. I mean, I can´t taper or anything. Sometimes I just lose hope, when I feel better in periods (april 10 - may 27) and then suddenly get a horrifying panic attack without knowing what caused it, ending up taking 2,5 mg. How much did that 2,5 mg destroy my brain rehabilitation? Do I have to start all over again?

I read somewhere that windows with better periods is a good sign.

You didn't destroy your brain rehabilitation by taking that 2.5, you just prolonged your full recovery a bit.  I wish there were a pill that could effectively help with panic that wasn't so harmful, many of our members have learned tools to help get through them but nothing is as effective for them, if only the price weren't so high.