Author Topic: No windows. Just suffering all day.  (Read 618 times)

[Buddie]

No windows. Just suffering all day.
« on: May 28, 2022, 08:32:34 pm »
been over a month and absolutely no windows just tourment and suffering.

I can see mild cases able to work and severe cases unable tovwork and dont heal. very very distressing
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[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2022, 01:19:14 am »
That's pretty expected, you'll get them soon
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[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2022, 01:55:44 am »
Are you doing ok?
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[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2022, 02:06:25 am »
No not even close to okay. I have no calm im in absolute misery and pain all day morning untill night. amy body is just in complete distress and then my mind becomes full of intrusive bad thoughts.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2022, 02:11:24 am »
No not even close to okay. I have no calm im in absolute misery and pain all day morning untill night. amy body is just in complete distress and then my mind becomes full of intrusive bad thoughts.
I quit cold and it wasn't until a couple months ago that I could even function without severe fear and anxiety, it's normal but I know it's really bad. My physical symptoms are greater now that the mental ones beyond the still obsessing over what is wrong with me which seems impossible not to do. It's so hard to distract when you're in the high anxiety state, you're not alone,  it's so hard I'm really sorry. If you need to talk you can pm me.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2022, 05:56:48 am »
truth is we all heal differently, and time is the only cure, do progressive muscle tension and relaxation, do diaphragmatic breathing, do meditation, do anything you can, and always remember even though your brain will try to convince you otherwise this will one day allpass and everything that's happening to you is because of the benzodiazepine withdrawal, I thought for years that I had a mental issue, the truth is I was on benzodiazepine's daily for over 16 years, it took a long time for me to feel any kind of inner peace, but it happened for me, and it will definitely happen for you, I know it's hard but try to be patient with yourself and anytime you have any type of strange or crazy thoughts just keep on telling yourself, this is not me, this is the benzodiazepine's
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[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2022, 08:55:58 pm »
If it makes you feel any better, as far as I know everyone does eventually heal from taking benzos.  There are certainly people out there who in no way think they are going to get better but eventually you see those same people posting on here that they've healed.  Your brain is always seeking equilibrium and is continuously working on reconstructing itself.  You can take heart in that at least.  Benzo brain will typically tell a person that they're the exception to the rule, that everyone else will heal except them.  So sorry to hear that you are in pain though.   
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[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2022, 09:31:01 pm »
Hello, Bedbound here. I could not talk to people.  I was in so much pain and didn't want my family to see me like this. I could not leave my room, I could not shower. I could not do any chores or even get my own food. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I did not want to be looked at. Everything I ate, water included triggered burning, pain throughout, trouble breathing. It was so painful I begged for them to stop force feeding me. My legs were in pain and could not stop moving. I cried and cried from the pain and the fear. It was a mental battle to get out of my bed to turn off my light much less go out to buy anything. Anxiety 24/7. I thought I am so bad I will not make it a month. I thought if I am never going to get better its not worth it. I made it by continuing to exist and only focus on making it to the next hour. For a long time minute by minute. And you probably know how long a F'n minute can be. I had no windows.

Yes it takes a long time for bad cases to heal. But you are still in acute, you won't know how bad your case is until you get out.

Now I can eat with it hurting less. I have malabsorption issues. I can talk to people and I am not afraid off things around me as much. I can take showers. My legs hurt but a heavy weighted blanket helps a lot. I have very bad sleep. Acute is HELL. I don't know anyones chances. But I know when you are in acute you think you have none.
So my question is, why do you need to go out now? Is it for a job? Is it for friends?

« Last Edit: May 31, 2022, 09:00:03 pm by [Buddie] »
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[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2022, 09:37:04 pm »
Hello, Bedbound here. I could not talk to people. I was badly highly suicidal. I was threatened into staying alive by my partner, who said if I died on purpose then they would too. I'm sure that is the reason I am not dead.  I wanted to because I was in so much pain and didn't want my family to see me like this. I could not leave my room, I could not shower. I could not do any chores or even get my own food. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I did not want to be looked at. Everything I ate, water included triggered burning, pain throughout, trouble breathing. It was so painful I begged for them to stop force feeding me. My legs were in pain and could not stop moving. I cried and cried from the pain and the fear. It was a mental battle to get out of my bed to turn off my light much less go out to buy anything. Anxiety 24/7. I thought I am so bad I will not make it a month. I thought if I am never going to get better its not worth it. I made it by continuing to exist and only focus on making it to the next hour. For a long time minute by minute. And you probably know how long a F'n minute can be.

Now I can eat with it hurting less. I have malabsorption issues. I can talk to people and I am not afraid off things around me as much. I can take showers. My legs hurt but a heavy weighted blanket helps a lot. I have very bad sleep. Acute is HELL. I don't know anyones chances. But I know when you are in acute you think you have none.
So my question is, why do you need to go out now? Is it for a job? Is it for friends?

For one i am getting married soon  have engagement parties, bachelor parties and then a wedding in next few months. I am so beyond bed bound i dont know how i am going to do any of those things. I am not even working right now or doing anything that required me getting out of my bed. i have been disbaked for almost 3 months now and no one in my life knows this accept my fiance who sees me cry almost everday and she is hopeful i will recover to the point where i can atleast pretend to be okay. but i am no where near that point but at this point i have no choice  i lose eveythjng regardless there is so much on the line. so ill atleast die trying

all of these plans were made pre benzo damage so yah im so fucked. my life is just waiting to collapse at this point. everyone is about to find out how mentally ill i am
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: No windows. Just suffering all day.
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2022, 09:56:01 pm »
Hello, Bedbound here. I could not talk to people. I was badly highly suicidal. I was threatened into staying alive by my partner, who said if I died on purpose then they would too. I'm sure that is the reason I am not dead.  I wanted to because I was in so much pain and didn't want my family to see me like this. I could not leave my room, I could not shower. I could not do any chores or even get my own food. I was afraid of everything and everyone. I did not want to be looked at. Everything I ate, water included triggered burning, pain throughout, trouble breathing. It was so painful I begged for them to stop force feeding me. My legs were in pain and could not stop moving. I cried and cried from the pain and the fear. It was a mental battle to get out of my bed to turn off my light much less go out to buy anything. Anxiety 24/7. I thought I am so bad I will not make it a month. I thought if I am never going to get better its not worth it. I made it by continuing to exist and only focus on making it to the next hour. For a long time minute by minute. And you probably know how long a F'n minute can be.

Now I can eat with it hurting less. I have malabsorption issues. I can talk to people and I am not afraid off things around me as much. I can take showers. My legs hurt but a heavy weighted blanket helps a lot. I have very bad sleep. Acute is HELL. I don't know anyones chances. But I know when you are in acute you think you have none.
So my question is, why do you need to go out now? Is it for a job? Is it for friends?

For one i am getting married soon  have engagement parties, bachelor parties and then a wedding in next few months. I am so beyond bed bound i dont know how i am going to do any of those things. I am not even working right now or doing anything that required me getting out of my bed. i have been disbaked for almost 3 months now and no one in my life knows this accept my fiance who sees me cry almost everday and she is hopeful i will recover to the point where i can atleast pretend to be okay. but i am no where near that point but at this point i have no choice  i lose eveythjng regardless there is so much on the line. so ill atleast die trying
Holy Cr@p
 I was just about to get married! Everything you said! For me everything was canceled.  It killed me, but staying alive was important. My partner was the only one to have hope. They for some crazy far out reason thought  I had the ablity to get better When all I wanted to do was die and leave them what money I had. They cried everyday because they saw me in pain and there was nothing they could do.

I just told my partner what you said and they gapped at you wrote. I don't know how similar our stories actually are and it would be pretentious of me to assume. It just surprised me. But I do understand losing everything because you can not leave your bed. But even with just being left with a roof over my head and my partner, right now it is ok.

I admire your die trying attitude. I wasn't planning on the trying part. You do what is best for you.

I asked my partner how long did it take for me to talk to people again. They told me about 4-5 months. Things got better around month 6. The first few months were hell. dpdr hell with everything else.


Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.