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23 Years on Xanax - My Success Story - 1 Year Later


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1 YEAR UPDATE: HI AGAIN BUDDIES! It's been a year since my last Xanax and I'm doing very well anxiety wise, in-spite of having multiple health problems. 

 

Over the past 12 months  I've made it through quite a few serious trials without even being tempted to take one.  It greatly helped that I had made the temptation impossible by throwing away 200 xanax pills after my last dose. Plus my doc refused to prescribe it.  My  hubby had a heart  attack  the very 1st day of being off Xanax.  Then after Christmas he had  and accident with his table saw resulting in a finger amputation - both times I had to rush him to the hospital.  Plus we lost both of our best friends last year and have had some major family burdens as well.  Through all of that I was much calmer than I would have been all those years I was on Xanax and was very glad that I was off of it. 

 

I didn't realize it at the time, but being on Xanax for 23 years actually perpetuated my anxiety as I was in a constant state of tolerance and withdrawal between doses.    I'd been on it so long that I had no way of knowing that's what was going on. 

If you read my success story below,  you'll see I tapered very slowly and methodically over a couple of years - taking long breaks along the way.  I determined, based on sound professional advice, before I started that I would listen to my body and go as slow as I needed to, but that I wouldn't go backwards - and it worked!  :smitten:

 

It took a good 6 months after my last dose before I no longer felt the withdrawal effects.  It was kind of hard for me to know what symptoms were from withdrawal and what symptoms are from my ME/CFS and co-morbid conditions. 

I will always have to deal with anxiety but benzos won't ever be a part of that again,  by God's grace!    Breathing exercises,  redirecting my thoughts, prayer, distraction, and whatnot are much, much better alternatives to those dang pills.

 

So please hang in there friends!  Withdrawal can feel real uncomfortable at times, especially after a cut,  but it won't kill ya if you take your time and go as  slow as you need to.  Being uncomfortable is just part of the healing process and I told myself that all the way through it.  You CAN do this! 

Blessing to you all.    

 

 

My Success Story[/b]

 

Happy Monday Evening everyone!  First, I need to give a big shout out of thanks to all the hardworking admins here!  :thumbsup:

 

After a 2 year and 5 month taper,  I’ve been Xanax free for a month now and decided to write my success story a little early.  I know the guidelines say to wait 2 months, but I’m feeling good about my recovery plus  I’m 70 yrs old and time is a wastin’.  I’m very eager to be done with all of this and move on.  I’ve got veges to plant and pie baking lessons to give to my granddaughters (smile).  But I wanted to share my story with you and any visitors that might stop by looking for hope and encouragement. 

 

My Backstory

 

When I was 36 (35 years ago), I became disabled with ME/CFS aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, following an Epstein Barr Virus Infection.  I was bed-bound for several years and after that never fully recovered.  I still have this dreadful illness and have acquired a number of other co-morbid conditions;  eg; Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, Sleep Apnea,  Polyneuropathy,  Pulmonary Hypertension,  Tinnitus, POTS, Hypertension, arrhythmias,  and ……you guessed it, Anxiety.  – what a surprise? 

 

Then 23 years ago, I landed in the ER with severe panic attacks, and was put on Xanax.    My doctors kept dishing it out – year after year and didn’t warn me of the dangers or encourage me to quit.  Nor did anyone try to figure out why I was having panic attacks.  I later discovered my panic attacks were probably caused by my thyroid and estrogen hormones being out of whack!

 

In 2019 I became worried about my memory getting worse and decided  to quit Xanax after learning that it can cause memory loss.  So here’s what I did.

 

My Plan of Attack

 

I searched the Internet and found Benzo Buddies and read everything I could online before making my plan.

 

The most helpful was the Ashton Manual and also Dr. Stuart Shipko’s “Xanax Withdrawal”.  I’ve read Shipko’s book several times and though his suggested taper schedule was a bit too aggressive for me, everything else was very helpful.    As a long term Xanax user, the big epiphany for me was learning that the anxiety patients were originally treated for has usually long since passed.   I assumed I had a permanent anxiety disorder, not realizing that all these years I was probably experiencing rebound anxiety caused by inter dose withdrawal.    This was both an eye opener and an enormous relief!!  The truth is, anxiety and panic attacks are often transient and can have many causes;  eg;  hormonal,  stress, trauma, untreated health conditions, medications,  AND even the benzos we’ve become dependent on to treat it! 

 

So I jumped in and made a plan (approved by my doctor) which included:

 

1. Not crossing over to Valium. 

2. Buying a jewelry scale on Amazon and using a razor blade to cut.

3. GOING SLOW.  Cutting approx. 5-10% every 2 weeks – but always basing my cuts on how I felt. 

4. Never going backwards but holding if needed.  (I once held for 1 year and 5 months)

5. STAYING POSITIVE

6. Making a spread sheet to log my dose changes

7. Keeping a Journal of how each cut affected me and what my thoughts were.

 

The Big Test

 

The first day after taking my last Xanax my DH had a heart attack.  I hadn’t driven in ages and here I was racing him to the ER and then driving back and forth to the hospital for 4 days.  If anything was going to cause a panic/anxiety meltdown, this would be it.  But it didn’t.    In fact, I was feeling amazingly in control for a change.  The first night I didn’t sleep a wink and had anxiety zaps all night but otherwise did pretty dang good.    He ended up having angioplasty and stints and by God’s grace he had no heart damage and is back to running 5 miles a day.  Through it all I was never tempted to take a Xanax.  It’s funny how the things we fear most can end up proving that we’re more resilient than we thought we were. 

 

On Keeping Positive

 

For me, staying positive was of the utmost importance:

 

• First, was believing I COULD do this. 

• Second, was breaking the awful habit of negative, scaredy-cat thinking that anxiety just loves to feed on.

• Third was using cognitive behavioral techniques for anxiety and panic episodes. 

  Books like Ed Bourne’s “Anxiety and Phobia Workbook” and breathing techniques are all tools in in my toolbox. 

• Fourth is the habit of counting my blessings every day.

• And last but not least is the solace I find in my Christian faith:

 

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things…and the God of peace will be with you.”  Phil. 4:8-9

 

On Moving Forward

 

I don’t want to give the impression that my 2 1/2 year taper was a cakewalk.  FAR FROM IT! It got pretty uncomfortable at times BUT it also wasn’t the total nightmare that some of the poor folks here have experienced.  I understand that everyone is different.  Because I took Xanax 4-5 times a day every single day for 23 years, I was fully expecting the worst.  That’s why I read everything I could before starting and planned to take it as slowly as I could.  Perhaps that’s the only reason it has been tolerable. 

 

I fully expect to continue doing battle with my anxiety and panic attacks as long as I live.  Even so,  I’m learning better coping skills and  feeling so much calmer, and  more confident than I have in years.  Plus my memory and cognition has dramatically improved!  And this was verified by my neurologist. It feels absolutely liberating to be off this stuff! 

 

So, long story short friends.  IF I CAN DO THIS, I THINK PRETTY MUCH ANY ONE CAN DO THIS.  :smitten:

 

 

Best wishes and God bless you,

Gitfiddle

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This is great Gitfiddle! I am so happy for you, and you sound so well and alive. I agree with everything you said. I feel authentically happy since I jumped (and its only been two weeks for me) but it's strange I think I have been living in a fake medicated world of dullness. Not bad, and not anxious, but not really all there. Anyway, congratulations to you and enjoy your husband garden and grandkids my friend! I know many first timers will feel relieved reading this.
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This is great Gitfiddle! I am so happy for you, and you sound so well and alive. I agree with everything you said. I feel authentically happy since I jumped (and its only been two weeks for me) but it's strange I think I have been living in a fake medicated world of dullness. Not bad, and not anxious, but not really all there. Anyway, congratulations to you and enjoy your husband garden and grandkids my friend! I know many first timers will feel relieved reading this.

Thank you so much BMC.  And I’m equally happy for you too!  😃 I understand what you mean about the fake world of dullness.  I’m experiencing resurrected feelings and emotions I haven’t felt in decades.  It’s strange but awesome.  I  always wondered what was meant but “emotional blunting “ and I think I know now.  My taper was slow and long  so I think there was quite a bit of healing going on before I jumped.  It hasn’t been a total cakewalk, especially the first year of my taper, but I hope our success stories will encourage others.  I think people who are just now considering quitting benzos need to know that everyone’s story is different and they’re not all nightmares.  Not only that, but we’ve all learned a lot from our mistakes which we can pass onto them.  Enjoy your new life BMC! ❤️

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Many blessings and best wishes to you as you move forward in your amazing life!!  I love your story- Amen, Amen, Amen!!!  It's just what I needed today! Thank you and I am so happy for you!!!  I can't wait to post my story- There is blessing in the battle- I am walking in this!
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Many blessings and best wishes to you as you move forward in your amazing life!!  I love your story- Amen, Amen, Amen!!!  It's just what I needed today! Thank you and I am so happy for you!!!  I can't wait to post my story- There is blessing in the battle- I am walking in this!

Thank you Cooper. And I can’t wait to hear yours too!  You’ve got this friend!. 💜

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My goodness, Gitfiddle

 

Our stories are so similar. It was so encouraging to read it! I was dxed with FM/CFS 20 years ago soon after I was polydrugged and put on Ativan. I am almost two years out from my last dose. I'm having a setback right now due to a chronic lower back issue and taking the prednisone the doctor described. Not good. I wrote about it in my progress log.

 

But before that happened, my life was coming back to me better than it has been in those 20 years in terms of functionality and being emotionally even-keel. I was forced to taper faster than I wanted to, but even so, my life started improving even before I was done with the taper.

 

Feel free to message me.

 

 

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My goodness, Gitfiddle

 

Our stories are so similar. It was so encouraging to read it! I was dxed with FM/CFS 20 years ago soon after I was polydrugged and put on Ativan. I am almost two years out from my last dose. I'm having a setback right now due to a chronic lower back issue and taking the prednisone the doctor described. Not good. I wrote about it in my progress log.

 

But before that happened, my life was coming back to me better than it has been in those 20 years in terms of functionality and being emotionally even-keel. I was forced to taper faster than I wanted to, but even so, my life started improving even before I was done with the taper.

 

Feel free to message me.

Hi BB,  Yes it sure does look like we have a lot in common!  I read your posts and was sorry to hear about the prednisone reaction.  Thank you for sharing that as I will be sure to continue avoiding going that route!  I have severe axonal Polyneuropathy (use a cane for balance), and also a lot of back troubles due to a congenital problem, a broken neck from a car crash 50 years ago, and fibromyalgia.

I’ve been fortunate so far that low dose Naltrexone has been a wonder drug and is the only thing I need for pain- I occasionally take Alieve or Tylenol. My neurologist wanted to prescribe something but I told him I didn’t need it.  I’ve had the PN for 20 yrs and have been on LDN for 7 years. Knock on wood! 

 

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What a great, inspirational story. I have many of the same ideas about my klonopin dependence.

 

I'm a firm believer that my Hashimotos qas the original cause of my tachycardia, PVCs and panic attacks. Once my TSH was down to a # that was right for me, my anxiety stopped. Unfortunately by then I was already dependent on Klonopin.

 

I'm on day 2 of my final taper so hope to make a post like you did in a few months.

Thank you so much for your positive post!

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What a great, inspirational story. I have many of the same ideas about my klonopin dependence.

 

I'm a firm believer that my Hashimotos qas the original cause of my tachycardia, PVCs and panic attacks. Once my TSH was down to a # that was right for me, my anxiety stopped. Unfortunately by then I was already dependent on Klonopin.

 

I'm on day 2 of my final taper so hope to make a post like you did in a few months.

Thank you so much for your positive post!

 

Thank you Collie.  I wonder how many people with undiagnosed Hashimoto’s have been put on benzos.

Most doctors will say  that anxiety is only a symptom of Grave’s - hyperthyroidism and not Hashi’s.  That sure hasn’t been my experience either.  You’re almost there!  Keep up the great work!  I look forward to hearing your story. 😃

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Thank you for writing your success story Gitfiddle-51, and it's so helpful you included so many tips, you've provided a great roadmap for others.  I hope you've already been able to give some pie making lessons to your granddaughter and gotten some veggies in the ground.

 

I wish you the best and thank you for brightening up the forum, you're a force for good.  :smitten:

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Thank you for writing your success story Gitfiddle-51, and it's so helpful you included so many tips, you've provided a great roadmap for others.  I hope you've already been able to give some pie making lessons to your granddaughter and gotten some veggies in the ground.

 

I wish you the best and thank you for brightening up the forum, you're a force for good.  :smitten:

 

Awww, thanks Pamster.  And thank you so much for all your encouragement and the good service you've given to all of us here. God bless you.  :smitten:

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Congrats to you! May you continue to feel great and enjoy your grandchildren making special memories.

Well done!

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Congrats to you! May you continue to feel great and enjoy your grandchildren making special memories.

Well done!

Thank you LadyDen. 😊

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  • 4 weeks later...

2 MONTH UPDATE:  Thought I'd pop in with an update now that it's been 2 full months.  My waves of anxiety have slowly decreased to where I can now go several days without any anxiety at all.  My sleep has improved and I'm averaging 6-7 hrs. 

 

10 days ago I broke out in SHINGLES!  It made me pretty sick and caused awful panic attacks, chills, horrible pain in my teeth and jaw, and a small patch on my face.  I had them inside my mouth, tongue and throat.  Fortunately I started antivirals within the 72 hr time frame and my anxiety stopped completely.  I was really worried the panic attacks were a portent of a coming panic disorder relapse, but learned from the Ashton Manual that environmental triggers are be expected for awhile.  I'm almost finished with the antiviral and feeling much better.

 

So, since my last dose of Xanax 2 months ago I've survived my DH's heart attack and a nasty bout of shingles that caused panic attacks.  I'm really grateful that things are going as well as they are considering how long I was on benzos.    I'm feeling very positive about my recovery so far.

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Wow, you're doing really amazing.  Well done for facing all these challenges with such a great spirit!

Thank you jellybaby.  :)

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Hi Gitfiddle-51,

 

Congrats on being off xanax for 2 months!!  That is awesome!!  So happy for you!!  Sorry you have shingles!!  I am glad it is getting better! 

 

I am on xanax and am at .174 mg daily dosage (divided into 3 doses).  I looked at your signature and I was wondering if you could tell me how you figured out your doses once you got down that far?  I have using percentages but at this point, need to go a little faster and the small 4-5% cuts are not enough to get me off this drug fast enough!  I have been tapering for 3 1/2 years and just want to be done!  I was originally at 4 mg.

 

I appreciate any info you could share. 

 

tolnbltp

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Hi Gitfiddle-51,

 

Congrats on being off xanax for 2 months!!  That is awesome!!  So happy for you!!  Sorry you have shingles!!  I am glad it is getting better! 

 

I am on xanax and am at .174 mg daily dosage (divided into 3 doses).  I looked at your signature and I was wondering if you could tell me how you figured out your doses once you got down that far?  I have using percentages but at this point, need to go a little faster and the small 4-5% cuts are not enough to get me off this drug fast enough!  I have been tapering for 3 1/2 years and just want to be done!  I was originally at 4 mg.

 

I appreciate any info you could share. 

 

tolnbltp

 

Thank you tolnbltp!  You're almost there - congratulations!.  You've done a great job.  I didn't really go by percentages when I got down that low.  I just kind of winged it and cut off a tiny bit at a time.  I was using a jewelry scale as best as I could - but the scale really jumps around a lot when the pieces are so small.  If you're using a scale,  it helped to add another xanax on there to measure to stabilize the scale.  Also, the xanax weight and mg are two different things, so I just kind of guessed what the actual mgs were. 

 

I should add that when I got down to .125 I was only dosing once a day at bedtime.  That probably made it a little easier to cut.

 

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Hi Gitfiddle-51,

 

Congrats on being off xanax for 2 months!!  That is awesome!!  So happy for you!!  Sorry you have shingles!!  I am glad it is getting better! 

 

I am on xanax and am at .174 mg daily dosage (divided into 3 doses).  I looked at your signature and I was wondering if you could tell me how you figured out your doses once you got down that far?  I have using percentages but at this point, need to go a little faster and the small 4-5% cuts are not enough to get me off this drug fast enough!  I have been tapering for 3 1/2 years and just want to be done!  I was originally at 4 mg.

 

I appreciate any info you could share. 

 

tolnbltp

 

Thank you tolnbltp!  You're almost there - congratulations!.  You've done a great job.  I didn't really go by percentages when I got down that low.  I just kind of winged it and cut off a tiny bit at a time.  I was using a jewelry scale as best as I could - but the scale really jumps around a lot when the pieces are so small.  If you're using a scale,  it helped to add another xanax on there to measure to stabilize the scale.  Also, the xanax weight and mg are two different things, so I just kind of guessed what the actual mgs were. 

 

I should add that when I got down to .125 I was only dosing once a day at bedtime.  That probably made it a little easier to cut.

 

Thank you so much for your reply!  It was very helpful to me!  I also use a scale (my husband does this for me) I will tell him what you said about adding another xanax pill to help with the weight!  That is very helpful information!

 

Thank you!  It has been a long road but I am so happy that the end of this is getting closer.  I know this is the first part of this journey.  I am looking forward to the day when I do not have to worry about taking the med anymore.

 

Good to know about how many doses you were taking once you got down to .125 mg.  I changed from 4 doses to 3 in early April without an issue and am thinking that I will have to go to 2 doses soon and then down to 1.  I am sure that going to 2 and then 1 dose will be very helpful once I get closer to the end.

 

I agree that percentages are not the focus once getting to lower doses.  If I were to continue to do that, I would be on this for a lot longer than is necessary and I have been on this med for way too long now! 

 

Thanks again for your reply!  I really am happy for you that you are doing well and that you have done well!  That is encouraging and makes me feel hopeful!

 

:smitten:

 

 

 

 

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tolnbltp You’re very welcome!  I’m looking forward to hearing your success story!

Best wishes to you!  ❤️

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tolnbltp You’re very welcome!  I’m looking forward to hearing your success story!

Best wishes to you!  ❤️

 

Thank you!!  I am looking forward to that too!!

 

:smitten:

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  • 1 month later...

3 MONTH UPDATE. I feel guilty saying things are still going well, considering how difficult protracted withdrawal is for so many others here.  I'm praying for a full and speedy recovery for all! 

 

One big struggle I'm now dealing with is that at the end of my taper in April I got a new doctor and discovered I'd been way over medicated on my thyroid meds for years!  For 7 years my TSH was undetectable which means I've been unwittingly dealing with subclinical hyperthyroidism all this time.  It affected not only my anxiety but also my heart.    So, I've been working with an endocrinologist to sort that out.  I'm currently still hyperthyroid and in the process of lowering my Synthroid - Fingers crossed.  But  I have no way to know if my occasional bouts of anxiety are due to too much thyroid meds, or if it's part of the withdrawal?    Either way, I'm learning to go with the flow better and remind myself that it will pass, which it always does.

I wonder how many other people going through WD also have anxiety that can be attributed to hormone imbalances.   

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