Family problems and fights, Need help with this, support,

Hello, I am old/new member here. I came back mostly because of this. I often have people told me things how to do thins, not understanding or wanting to understand anything just giving me reasons to get mad and go into anger. I have literally very little to no support from my family. No kind words, no anything.

When periods of extreme suffering loosen up for a minute I forget that I said to myself  You won't care really what they say and about anyone and everything. Then these thoughts pursue me to be kind and nice to them, to torture me and torment. I just want to keep and not caring much and not forget in how much pain I am and how much there not understanding adds more pain and suffering.

They know just say you're negative, mad, not normal, youre always being mad, youre arrogant, youre always doing it on your own.

Right now I had a fight with my dad, he said everything  bad to me,  that I think i'm the smartest, arrogant, mean and all the usual stuff which is very sad to be honest but I dont care anymore. He was sleeping here last few days at night, he will leave tonight probably. Because of my severe monophobia, one of my two worst symtomps along with intrusive thoughts. Other family members same thing, I had a good realtionship with my sister all these years and that fallen apart also, she out of them all was most supportive and caring and everything but that changed, he lost nerves and said also recently and acted few times like all of them and that is over also. I was disappointed. They don't trust me anything. I was calm for couple of days with him, cut of everybody else, when they try just to contact they just throw me in ange or rage? I don't know what is this. I can't control myself, I fear they could put me somewhere or call the police, best for me is to keep quiet i know.

Everything started this morning when he said to me there is nothing of waiting, you have to work, you need to shower yourself and so on. Physically nothing is wrong with you, you have some other things I don't know what. I have to look up for you, I sad do you go through this for me? Or I do, Does anyone of you does or I do? I feel as my words mean nothing to him, he wants to say what he wants when I wanted support and understand I got is this. Forget support and understanding, support and understand yourself. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, nobody else won't out of them.

So he continued, you pushed everyone from you, I did because I don't want them to ruin me even more. And now i Will be even worse for few days i guess even more, need to deal on myself with monophobia and everything. He used to sleep here in same house and bring me food. The other day also he said I play a victim, I need to take responsibility, ok, I'm so tired of this everything. It isn't worth it. He also said You can't do anything on your own, you don't how to live alone, you can't take care of yourself, what kind of person and father is that and what kind of family is that?

How should i feel and keep going with all of this. I really don't know anymore.

I'm alone in this and that's it. Is this anger supposed to go away ?

 

You’ve had a tough journey, anxiety and depression diagnosis at such a young age, I am sad you went through that.  I am glad you are off the benzos, try and keep going.    I know how difficult this is, symptoms are horrendous, but remember they are temporary.  I had anger issues, the rage is not you!  I promise you it will go!  Try too control it for now, reach out, vent,  we are here for you. 

 

You will get through this tough time,  try to distract if you can,  do what you need to get through each day.

 

Hang in there, it will get better

 

Magrita

 

I feel like I don't have life anymore and that is probaly true. And yet I didn't do anything with my life because of anxiety, depression and then this hell. I don't want to sound like I justice mystelf or I look for reason because of that but it seems to me like true(or benzo lie), yet lost my best years. Ok, I will try thank you. my anger did go when I was better, then everything returned. Thank you for reassuring me that is not me. How you dealt with it around others?

When you wrote me reply on these two messages I clicked on your profile to see info about me and there I saw one number and date  which is trigger for me and everything stressfull, don't want to talk about it really, should I at least now that worst is behind me?

 

Thank you Magrita, if you don't understand something ask me please, for example I have a fear of sending you smiley or whatever, this is brain cancer, this with this pills and everything, it destroys you as a person in every way.

Hi NotImportant,

 

I saw your posts on the Introductions board and this one too but I wanted to talk to you on this one since not as many members visit Introductions and wanted to make sure we get a conversation established here, sorry if that sounds confusing.

 

I can see you're having a really rough time so I need to ask if you're seeing any type of therapist, you mention having monophobia, have you been diagnosed and are you being treated for it? I can see this is putting a terrible strain on your relationships.

 

Wondering too if what you're dealing with is intrusive thoughts or if you hear voices?  I'm not judging you in any way just trying to get a better understanding of your situation. 

Hello Pam,

 

I understand, it's not confusing. Its okay.

 

I do have really hard time, don't know what to say about that anymore useful. I don't see any type of therapist, can't even talk about  it in detail cause I'm afraid of another wave just because of mentioning it. I haven't been diagnosed, never had it before, I did as a kid have strange fears and of being alone, but later not really, i was diagnosed with mixed anxiety-depression disorder, long time ago now. It is, it is a big problem, can't live my life at all independently.

I wondered that to, I believe it's still intrusive thoughts, maybe I fight against them so they speak, Margita said she had these voices, maybe I really hear voices? When I observe them they are thoughts.

I forgot to say I did twice NeuroRecover treatment, so if anybody here wants to try that I can give some information, but I can't speak about it it just triggers my wave.

I'm again. Last night I had another fight with my father. He is treating me like everybody else from this family, I don't know who these people are really, true monsters? Father, mother, brother, sister. I had no luck and opportunity to be independent on them before I got sick and then on pills and everything. I was in psych ward 5-10 times, my so called mother always said during fights you should be in institution, I bring money here, move out of my apartment whole my life. ,My so called father last night first provoked me, I was in silence for 5 days we said we won't argument and fight then he provoked me, You can't do that, You don't know anything, move that out of table and so on, every little possible thing, he was always like that.

During the fight he said, move out, this is my apartment, like my so called mother. They're both the same. He also said you should be in some institution, you always play a victim and so on and so on. They threw me into terrible rage anger, provoke me, critic, constantly critic what a beautiful family, they just look decent outside. The worst family that exits. He started to talk like my mother, everybody against me, this is so hard. I sad I will go homeless and live on the street, I am scared of that they will do this do me, but if I have to choose between that and going to institution I'll go homeless. I think I'm with this for life, this kind of life and all else. God do you exist really, if you do, show me somehow, I don't know what to do.

Anyway, dependent on them, not so much literaly, this is his apartment, my mother has her aparment, I forgot to say they are divorced and have been fighting for 20 years over money. Terrible people. They didn't see each other for 20 years, just last year to talk? They are sick, truly sick. But I'm scared of them right know, had this problem before.

Do i have any chance, perspective, I don't trust them anything, this is their's fault. I feel so frightened by them. And I'm 29 in few months now. Well I still do believe in myself.

But i know everything worst that possible can happen from any of them it will happen. I don't have any feelings from them, it's hard constantly be acceptable how it is because of this situtation and sxs. Who are these people, how do I get better for myself, build my life.

Also have this specific anger towards them, and how to control myself so I don't show any of these, because I'm realy scared of them what they are capable to do and what they did to me. I am responsible for my life and choices, but this is just too much. I can't do this anymore.

What is best way to deal with this?

Anybody?

Can you afford your own apartment? 

 

When things get bad like this it's often better to create space for yourself. 

 

 

Can you afford your own apartment? 

 

When things get bad like this it's often better to create space for yourself.

 

No, I can't afford anything. I don't work. Even before when I worked I did go in his company, but didn't receive any salary, more just like going there and be there just to watch.

I don't see myself relevant at all in his company, yet he lies to me he wants something for me if I want, I don't trust him anything. I am registered there as I work, but not receiving any money, I never did.

I worked something little with brother and father, they humiliated me in that many times. I don't want to work there, in that company, that's the reason I got sick, because of him and mother and all of them. They are sick. I was 12, 13 at the time. Had and still have so much potential. Was greatest kid, now look. But I accepted that.

So what to do, to work there, I don't know if I want to be dependent in any way, that's again dependence. I just don't see any way out of this situation. I should just go homeless. Cause I am without home and family, always was. I won't go to the hospital again or to a comune where they want to send or some institution. I will go live on the streets.

I'll have to decide, no one is going to do it for me.

Not, imo you would benefit greatly from seeing a therapist. Then you would have someone "on  your side" who could help you navigate these troubled waters. As well  as helping you understand your feelings and your family's behavior, she/he could help you gain some independence. She/he'll know which branch of Social Services can help you. No  need to stay trapped, which is not doing you any psychological good imo.

 

I just don't see any way out of this situation.

Yes, there is, Not.

 

What about it? Could you pick up the phone and make getting help for yourself a priority?

 

Katz

If you don't have any money, you could contact your local county assistance office and they might help get you some financial assistance.  Maybe you could stay at a motel and pay weekly for that?

Not, imo you would benefit greatly from seeing a therapist. Then you would have someone "on  your side" who could help you navigate these troubled waters. As well  as helping you understand your feelings and your family's behavior, she/he could help you gain some independence. She/he'll know which branch of Social Services can help you. No  need to stay trapped, which is not doing you any psychological good imo.

 

I just don't see any way out of this situation.

Yes, there is, Not.

 

What about it? Could you pick up the phone and make getting help for yourself a priority?

 

Katz

 

What kinds of therapist, I've never liked that. Maybe I should.

I don't know. I have already too difficult wd.

In the US, I believe every county in every state has a local assistance office.  It approves food stamps for people, energy assistance and other stuff like that.  Can't you Google your county and type in "county assistance office" or something like that?

So you can spend a whole day watching someone work but not actually work? What is it you have difficulty with exactly that you cant get your life going?

 

From the sounds of it you like being around people and you can function. Lack of motivation maybe?

What kinds of therapist, I've never liked that. Maybe I should.

 

I don't understand what you're saying. You've never liked what? The idea of therapy?

 

imo  a talk therapist, not a psychiatrist, might well do you some good. But if you've "never liked that" maybe you are pre-judging talk therapy and talking yourself out of it. Or maybe you tried it and didn't "liked that".  Or maybe you don't know anything about therapy, because you're asking "what kinds of therapist". Go Google talk therapy. Then you'll be informed.

 

Anyhow, that's my suggestion for you. btw, this is not true:

 

I don't think we do have that here.

Local assistance offices?  Of course you do. Like Becks said, every county in this country has a local assistance office. That would be a good place to start.

 

You sound stuck. But you can get unstuck. HOWEVER you have to want to get unstuck and you have  to want to help yourself. It's your life, Not. Do you want to spend it stuck? And about this:

 

it's hard to accept situation.

and this

I have already too difficult wd.

 

I'm sure your situation is hard to accept. But you don't have to accept it. And as for w/ds . . .we all had difficult w/ds. You have this whole forum to help you with w/ds. But you have to do a little bit(at least) to help yourself. A therapist, and a social services case worker would do wonders for you. If you want them to. It's up to you.

 

Best wishes,

 

Katz

What kinds of therapist, I've never liked that. Maybe I should.

 

I don't understand what you're saying. You've never liked what? The idea of therapy?

 

imo  a talk therapist, not a psychiatrist, might well do you some good. But if you've "never liked that" maybe you are pre-judging talk therapy and talking yourself out of it. Or maybe you tried it and didn't "liked that".  Or maybe you don't know anything about therapy, because you're asking "what kinds of therapist". Go Google talk therapy. Then you'll be informed.

 

Anyhow, that's my suggestion for you. btw, this is not true:

 

I don't think we do have that here.

Local assistance offices?  Of course you do. Like Becks said, every county in this country has a local assistance office. That would be a good place to start.

 

You sound stuck. But you can get unstuck. HOWEVER you have to want to get unstuck and you have  to want to help yourself. It's your life, Not. Do you want to spend it stuck? And about this:

 

it's hard to accept situation.

and this

I have already too difficult wd.

 

I'm sure your situation is hard to accept. But you don't have to accept it. And as for w/ds . . .we all had difficult w/ds. You have this whole forum to help you with w/ds. But you have to do a little bit(at least) to help yourself. A therapist, and a social services case worker would do wonders for you. If you want them to. It's up to you.

 

Best wishes,

 

Katz

 

Hey NotImportant! Hey O'Katz! Hey Becks!

 

There seems to be some much tension under your roof, NotImportant, this can be really overwhelming, putting your nervous system under such stress while it is trying to heal from drugs... so I think this a great advice you got here from my friends and the great moderators of this site 

 

You know, because of all the damage done by a psychiatrist who not only drugged me and kept me under the chemical straightjacket but also kept feeding me deeply damaging BS (about myself and my family) while nurturing false hope of getting better -and add to that the fact that when I started looking for help to get off meds, I got either laughed at or just told to get to grips with the fact that this was me for life, anyway... I had lost trust in everything and everyone that was remotely medical or had any type of connotation of help. Better to rely on your own self when you have no one to trust, right? Well... right until you realize that you still need help, because this is all too much for one person and one given time of their lives.

A year ago, I had a bad biking accident, got hit by a car, then run over by a truck, leaving me with a triple fractured pelvis. Only a triple fracture! I could have lost both legs, or lost my life altogether. But I was stuck in bed for at least a month, unable to get up even to go to the bathroom (wearing nappies age 38, having to rely on someone to clean you up, that is some experience, let me tell you!). A week prior to that, I had lost my grandmother, and a few days after taking my few steps outside, my car was stolen right in front of my home. I went through a phase of terrible insomnia, waking up at 1am after a few hours' sleep and having to get up until 7am when I'd finally get a chance to get another of sleep at best. So one sleepless night, I Googled therapists around me and started reading through their online profiles. I chose two, finalizing my shortlist with their profile pictures, some faces 'spoke' to me more than others. I went to the first appointment ready to be discarded as talking nonsense about how meds affected me, perhaps laughed at again... I was ready for it all. Yet I went with a slither of hope somewhere... and I'm so happy I did: you know what, I had never been so happy to be wrong, oh so wrong! This therapist LISTENED to my story, and welcomed it. She said she didn't know much about meds, but she suggested ways in which she thought she could perhaps help me. She knew she didn't know it all and how wonderful it was to finally meet someone who was able to say as much! She was empathetic and humble. She still is... I have been going to see her for 10 months now, and I can tell you that she is helping me in sooooo many ways! I am finally getting to heal some emotional wounds I had since childhood. I can take a step back and can better understand how people around me behave and function. I don't have to take reactions at heart, because I can see how those reactions might not be about me but more about the people who have them. I can understand myself better, I can feel my worth more. I am making better decisions for myself. Amidst the chaos of withdrawal still, I am making huge progress on other fronts, fronts I didn't even see a year ago. Because that's work you need some assistance with, someone who can look at things from the outside and offer you different perspectives to try, see if they might apply, see if you can benefit from that perspective. It is not about finding 'the truth', it is about finding what helps you move forward.

You may not find the right therapist for you on the first try, I had actually made two appointments that night and the second one didn't go anywhere as well as the first did. That other therapist felt hugely suspicious of everything I was saying and quite simply told me that if she felt I was displaying signs of high anxiety, she might refer me to a psychiatrist for some meds. Ok right, moving on. No hard feelings, no regret. You try, and you move on if it doesn't click right.

But please don't give up on yourself, or ever finding better circumstances. Because it is all there for you to find. This journey (at least in my opinion) is greater than just coming off meds (going through WD and symptoms), it is about rebuilding yourself and your life. Becoming happier, stronger... setting yourself free. Free to be  (and free from the burden of some of our damaging/unhelpful beliefs...)

 

Sorry for rambling a bit, I just hope that helps a bit.

Take good care of yourself, NotImportant (again, you are anything BUT not important...).

Warm wishes to you and anyone reading this at any point in time 

Julz

In the US, I believe every county in every state has a local assistance office.  It approves food stamps for people, energy assistance and other stuff like that.  Can't you Google your county and type in "county assistance office" or something like that?

 

I am not in the US. Here we don't have that. Thank you.

So you can spend a whole day watching someone work but not actually work? What is it you have difficulty with exactly that you cant get your life going?

 

From the sounds of it you like being around people and you can function. Lack of motivation maybe?

 

I think I wouldn't be able to concentrate at all, it requires good concentration and I've never had it, organizaton. With these wd it's hard. I didn't have one wd like this I'm in this state of suffering for 7, 8 years now and more.

Also this relations with my father and past expierences with them, I could expect another shock from him at work. You can't work, you're not ready and so on, negative critics only. Thanks for wanting to know.

I could try, I'm thinking more I'll just go for it, what happens happens, another distaster and shock I'm used to it.

 

What kinds of therapist, I've never liked that. Maybe I should.

 

I don't understand what you're saying. You've never liked what? The idea of therapy?

 

imo  a talk therapist, not a psychiatrist, might well do you some good. But if you've "never liked that" maybe you are pre-judging talk therapy and talking yourself out of it. Or maybe you tried it and didn't "liked that".  Or maybe you don't know anything about therapy, because you're asking "what kinds of therapist". Go Google talk therapy. Then you'll be informed.

 

Anyhow, that's my suggestion for you. btw, this is not true:

 

I don't think we do have that here.

Local assistance offices?  Of course you do. Like Becks said, every county in this country has a local assistance office. That would be a good place to start.

 

You sound stuck. But you can get unstuck. HOWEVER you have to want to get unstuck and you have  to want to help yourself. It's your life, Not. Do you want to spend it stuck? And about this:

 

it's hard to accept situation.

and this

I have already too difficult wd.

 

I'm sure your situation is hard to accept. But you don't have to accept it. And as for w/ds . . .we all had difficult w/ds. You have this whole forum to help you with w/ds. But you have to do a little bit(at least) to help yourself. A therapist, and a social services case worker would do wonders for you. If you want them to. It's up to you.

 

Best wishes,

 

Katz

 

Hi Katz, I've had therapists before you mean on psychologists? I've had bad experiences and they usually no nothing, they want you to proceed to these who prescribe. until recently I' ve been in contact with this doctor, not in usual sense he works in alternative medicine. I'm not in contact with him anymore. He doesn't understand this and got me in wave because of something he said. He thinks I have other traumas and things also, thinks parents divorce and problem with girls, psychosis and things like that. And that killed. He helped me immensely get off these drugs last time, we used neuro recover, I was better for few months, then everything came back. I used neuro recover again, no success, stopped smoking. I just got worse. We don't contact now, obviously I don't know how to help myself, I don't have any idea what to do. I've never had obviously. Why would that be trauma for me, any of these after all I've been through. I have these pretty bad intrusive thoughts. Honesly, I feel kind of hard to accept I got to this point, looking for social worker. I'd rather then go homeless. I will try to think what I will do, talk with somebody and maybe go there to work, social worker I'm scared of these pills if i go to therapist other than this guy He was absolutely against these doctor criminals, like me and I liked that but he yelled at me and I moved on.

 

What kinds of therapist, I've never liked that. Maybe I should.

 

I don't understand what you're saying. You've never liked what? The idea of therapy?

 

imo  a talk therapist, not a psychiatrist, might well do you some good. But if you've "never liked that" maybe you are pre-judging talk therapy and talking yourself out of it. Or maybe you tried it and didn't "liked that".  Or maybe you don't know anything about therapy, because you're asking "what kinds of therapist". Go Google talk therapy. Then you'll be informed.

 

Anyhow, that's my suggestion for you. btw, this is not true:

 

I don't think we do have that here.

Local assistance offices?  Of course you do. Like Becks said, every county in this country has a local assistance office. That would be a good place to start.

 

You sound stuck. But you can get unstuck. HOWEVER you have to want to get unstuck and you have  to want to help yourself. It's your life, Not. Do you want to spend it stuck? And about this:

 

it's hard to accept situation.

and this

I have already too difficult wd.

 

I'm sure your situation is hard to accept. But you don't have to accept it. And as for w/ds . . .we all had difficult w/ds. You have this whole forum to help you with w/ds. But you have to do a little bit(at least) to help yourself. A therapist, and a social services case worker would do wonders for you. If you want them to. It's up to you.

 

Best wishes,

 

Katz

 

Hey NotImportant! Hey O'Katz! Hey Becks!

 

There seems to be some much tension under your roof, NotImportant, this can be really overwhelming, putting your nervous system under such stress while it is trying to heal from drugs... so I think this a great advice you got here from my friends and the great moderators of this site 

 

You know, because of all the damage done by a psychiatrist who not only drugged me and kept me under the chemical straightjacket but also kept feeding me deeply damaging BS (about myself and my family) while nurturing false hope of getting better -and add to that the fact that when I started looking for help to get off meds, I got either laughed at or just told to get to grips with the fact that this was me for life, anyway... I had lost trust in everything and everyone that was remotely medical or had any type of connotation of help. Better to rely on your own self when you have no one to trust, right? Well... right until you realize that you still need help, because this is all too much for one person and one given time of their lives.

A year ago, I had a bad biking accident, got hit by a car, then run over by a truck, leaving me with a triple fractured pelvis. Only a triple fracture! I could have lost both legs, or lost my life altogether. But I was stuck in bed for at least a month, unable to get up even to go to the bathroom (wearing nappies age 38, having to rely on someone to clean you up, that is some experience, let me tell you!). A week prior to that, I had lost my grandmother, and a few days after taking my few steps outside, my car was stolen right in front of my home. I went through a phase of terrible insomnia, waking up at 1am after a few hours' sleep and having to get up until 7am when I'd finally get a chance to get another of sleep at best. So one sleepless night, I Googled therapists around me and started reading through their online profiles. I chose two, finalizing my shortlist with their profile pictures, some faces 'spoke' to me more than others. I went to the first appointment ready to be discarded as talking nonsense about how meds affected me, perhaps laughed at again... I was ready for it all. Yet I went with a slither of hope somewhere... and I'm so happy I did: you know what, I had never been so happy to be wrong, oh so wrong! This therapist LISTENED to my story, and welcomed it. She said she didn't know much about meds, but she suggested ways in which she thought she could perhaps help me. She knew she didn't know it all and how wonderful it was to finally meet someone who was able to say as much! She was empathetic and humble. She still is... I have been going to see her for 10 months now, and I can tell you that she is helping me in sooooo many ways! I am finally getting to heal some emotional wounds I had since childhood. I can take a step back and can better understand how people around me behave and function. I don't have to take reactions at heart, because I can see how those reactions might not be about me but more about the people who have them. I can understand myself better, I can feel my worth more. I am making better decisions for myself. Amidst the chaos of withdrawal still, I am making huge progress on other fronts, fronts I didn't even see a year ago. Because that's work you need some assistance with, someone who can look at things from the outside and offer you different perspectives to try, see if they might apply, see if you can benefit from that perspective. It is not about finding 'the truth', it is about finding what helps you move forward.

You may not find the right therapist for you on the first try, I had actually made two appointments that night and the second one didn't go anywhere as well as the first did. That other therapist felt hugely suspicious of everything I was saying and quite simply told me that if she felt I was displaying signs of high anxiety, she might refer me to a psychiatrist for some meds. Ok right, moving on. No hard feelings, no regret. You try, and you move on if it doesn't click right.

But please don't give up on yourself, or ever finding better circumstances. Because it is all there for you to find. This journey (at least in my opinion) is greater than just coming off meds (going through WD and symptoms), it is about rebuilding yourself and your life. Becoming happier, stronger... setting yourself free. Free to be  (and free from the burden of some of our damaging/unhelpful beliefs...)

 

Sorry for rambling a bit, I just hope that helps a bit.

Take good care of yourself, NotImportant (again, you are anything BUT not important...).

Warm wishes to you and anyone reading this at any point in time 

Julz

 

Hello Julz 

 

It is, too much stress, every little thing puts in a possible worsening of situation, any wrong word said. When I'm alone it's best, yet I have this monophobia. I stayed home today. I can't talk about this anymore.

I had another wave of critics this morning from my father, He said to me he won't take me to work cause I didn't take care of myself in terms of hygiene, he doesn't wanna take me there like. How would any man feel after this. Isn't it humiliating. In these circumstances. Not even little tiny support. I don't know, we shared couple bad words again and I can't continue like this.

So you think these advices from your friends and moderators  are maybe to go for it?

You're right I think one best know himself. Well I tried every help, and given up. I used to, then I go into thinking maybe I've been really cruel to people and then hate myself even more.

I'm so sorry for what you've went through. You' re hero and all people over here. How are you doing now? Why did you try one more time with therapists, what made you to do that?

 

I'm so sorry for all that happened to you along with this monophobia, I know what it is. I also have a lot of fears from my childhood.

I'm really glead you got help, you've deserved it. I hope it will continue to get better with therapist, with childhood problems with life in general and with friends. Congratulations Julz.

 

I agree someone who can give different view on this thing could help. I maybe always think I know for myself the best, look what parents did to me, If I took care of myself that woldn't happen. That's why I don't trust anyone no more. I became without feelings for them and everybody.

They always say I am rebel. Maybe I am, maybe you all see this too, I won't help myself some say. It's hard for man to accept something like these, it's different, well I gotta try to do everyhing in my power. Or I'm just saying it to myself. My brother said one good thing, I died a long time, he meant for these relations and things that happened. Thank you Julz very much for trying to help me.

Thanks for everything, I started thinking at least to what to do. Can't wait for another disaster to happen.

:smitten:

 

Keep fighting, keep going.

Julz, Bekcs, Katz, plad12 and everybody thank you all.

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Julz 

 

It is, too much stress, every little thing puts in a possible worsening of situation, any wrong word said. When I'm alone it's best, yet I have this monophobia. I stayed home today. I can't talk about this anymore.

I had another wave of critics this morning from my father, He said to me he won't take me to work cause I didn't take care of myself in terms of hygiene, he doesn't wanna take me there like. How would any man feel after this. Isn't it humiliating. In these circumstances. Not even little tiny support. I don't know, we shared couple bad words again and I can't continue like this.

So you think these advices from your friends and moderators  are maybe to go for it?

You're right I think one best know himself. Well I tried every help, and given up. I used to, then I go into thinking maybe I've been really cruel to people and then hate myself even more.

I'm so sorry for what you've went through. You' re hero and all people over here. How are you doing now? Why did you try one more time with therapists, what made you to do that?

 

I'm so sorry for all that happened to you along with this monophobia, I know what it is. I also have a lot of fears from my childhood.

I'm really glead you got help, you've deserved it. I hope it will continue to get better with therapist, with childhood problems with life in general and with friends. Congratulations Julz.

 

I agree someone who can give different view on this thing could help. I maybe always think I know for myself the best, look what parents did to me, If I took care of myself that woldn't happen. That's why I don't trust anyone no more. I became without feelings for them and everybody.

They always say I am rebel. Maybe I am, maybe you all see this too, I won't help myself some say. It's hard for man to accept something like these, it's different, well I gotta try to do everyhing in my power. Or I'm just saying it to myself. My brother said one good thing, I died a long time, he meant for these relations and things that happened. Thank you Julz very much for trying to help me.

Thanks for everything, I started thinking at least to what to do. Can't wait for another disaster to happen.

:smitten:

 

Keep fighting, keep going.

Julz, Bekcs, Katz, plad12 and everybody thank you all.

 

Hi NotImportant,

 

From your way of interacting with people here, you appear to me like a caring and compassionate soul, yet you seem to be really harsh with yourself. You seem to have become your harshest 'critic'... wouldn't you say?

 

I'm sorry to hear about all the tension with your dad in particular. Has it always been so difficult between the two of you? I guess withdrawal is only exacerbating whatever tension already existed back then. Your dad doesn't seem to understand what you are going through, in terms of what it means to come off medication. Have you ever spoken about that together?

 

You see, I can relate in a way because things are not going very well with my dad either. We currently live under the same roof, and while we aren't always arguing/shouting, you feel that things are always more or less tense. And it regularly escalates to good old yelling which is never much fun. My dad doesn't understand the concept of withdrawal and has absolutely no hope of me ever getting better because 'I am not doing anything to get better' (that's his point of view!). Weighing the pros and cons, I prefer those living arrangements because it's more convenient for me right now. But as I said, it is not about arguments every single day.

The work I've done with my therapist enables me to see how all the attacks and criticism from my dad stem from his own anxieties and fears. I know I've tried to communicate in many ways, compassionate ways, I've tried and tried. And my therapist helped me with that too. But it seems that he can't cope with the fact that I am suffering and that he was unable to protect me from the harm, the lost years... which he sees as lost, while I see them as a different kind of journey. Taking me somewhere  so back to my dad, while it is never fun to feel attacked, I feel more detached and his words don't hurt me as much. Because I looked through his eyes (as best as I could!) and saw that it comes from a place of suffering and probably best intentions because I know he loves me more than I could ever say. And so you feel a bit more in peace about it all... 

 

I know it's probably too much to think right here and now what to do about the situation under your roof, what options you have, etc... but perhaps you could spend a night or a week at a friend's or relative, or even a motel? Just to be able to take a breath and see how it goes for you... giving you some space to think...

 

Whatever you do, please take care of yourself. And hang on as it will get better. It's always hard to see when you are in the thick of it, but you will be ok!

 

Julz

Hello Julz 

 

It is, too much stress, every little thing puts in a possible worsening of situation, any wrong word said. When I'm alone it's best, yet I have this monophobia. I stayed home today. I can't talk about this anymore.

I had another wave of critics this morning from my father, He said to me he won't take me to work cause I didn't take care of myself in terms of hygiene, he doesn't wanna take me there like. How would any man feel after this. Isn't it humiliating. In these circumstances. Not even little tiny support. I don't know, we shared couple bad words again and I can't continue like this.

So you think these advices from your friends and moderators  are maybe to go for it?

You're right I think one best know himself. Well I tried every help, and given up. I used to, then I go into thinking maybe I've been really cruel to people and then hate myself even more.

I'm so sorry for what you've went through. You' re hero and all people over here. How are you doing now? Why did you try one more time with therapists, what made you to do that?

 

I'm so sorry for all that happened to you along with this monophobia, I know what it is. I also have a lot of fears from my childhood.

I'm really glead you got help, you've deserved it. I hope it will continue to get better with therapist, with childhood problems with life in general and with friends. Congratulations Julz.

 

I agree someone who can give different view on this thing could help. I maybe always think I know for myself the best, look what parents did to me, If I took care of myself that woldn't happen. That's why I don't trust anyone no more. I became without feelings for them and everybody.

They always say I am rebel. Maybe I am, maybe you all see this too, I won't help myself some say. It's hard for man to accept something like these, it's different, well I gotta try to do everyhing in my power. Or I'm just saying it to myself. My brother said one good thing, I died a long time, he meant for these relations and things that happened. Thank you Julz very much for trying to help me.

Thanks for everything, I started thinking at least to what to do. Can't wait for another disaster to happen.

:smitten:

 

Keep fighting, keep going.

Julz, Bekcs, Katz, plad12 and everybody thank you all.

 

Hi NotImportant,

 

From your way of interacting with people here, you appear to me like a caring and compassionate soul, yet you seem to be really harsh with yourself. You seem to have become your harshest 'critic'... wouldn't you say?

 

I'm sorry to hear about all the tension with your dad in particular. Has it always been so difficult between the two of you? I guess withdrawal is only exacerbating whatever tension already existed back then. Your dad doesn't seem to understand what you are going through, in terms of what it means to come off medication. Have you ever spoken about that together?

 

You see, I can relate in a way because things are not going very well with my dad either. We currently live under the same roof, and while we aren't always arguing/shouting, you feel that things are always more or less tense. And it regularly escalates to good old yelling which is never much fun. My dad doesn't understand the concept of withdrawal and has absolutely no hope of me ever getting better because 'I am not doing anything to get better' (that's his point of view!). Weighing the pros and cons, I prefer those living arrangements because it's more convenient for me right now. But as I said, it is not about arguments every single day.

The work I've done with my therapist enables me to see how all the attacks and criticism from my dad stem from his own anxieties and fears. I know I've tried to communicate in many ways, compassionate ways, I've tried and tried. And my therapist helped me with that too. But it seems that he can't cope with the fact that I am suffering and that he was unable to protect me from the harm, the lost years... which he sees as lost, while I see them as a different kind of journey. Taking me somewhere  so back to my dad, while it is never fun to feel attacked, I feel more detached and his words don't hurt me as much. Because I looked through his eyes (as best as I could!) and saw that it comes from a place of suffering and probably best intentions because I know he loves me more than I could ever say. And so you feel a bit more in peace about it all... 

 

I know it's probably too much to think right here and now what to do about the situation under your roof, what options you have, etc... but perhaps you could spend a night or a week at a friend's or relative, or even a motel? Just to be able to take a breath and see how it goes for you... giving you some space to think...

 

Whatever you do, please take care of yourself. And hang on as it will get better. It's always hard to see when you are in the thick of it, but you will be ok!

 

Julz

 

Hi Julz,

Right know another moment of disaster from him, it obviously just says who is he. Nobody. One woman is coming to work tomorrow in 3d spot here in company and here where I was sitting will sit she, with new computer, and everything. That's okay. He moved me to little tiny part next to his spot. I expected it.

 

I listen to critics all time, it's shouldn't be suprise anymore, do this like that do that, you're not good whatever you do. That's my parents. I've never had them. He was always like this, we were good before indeed really good when I was little, he left me, divorced, trying to make for it now in some ways. I didn't see that he is disaster. I don't believe he will leave any tiny part of this company to me, some people outside claim that, they do not know him. We were really good until he left. Probably the most since when I was a kid and didn't know anything what he was. He has another child there with that another women and that's his family.

But he only gave me along with sister before some support in all this, sister used to be the best support, but that all fell apart. I don't want anyone of them. They are dysfunctional, what's most important I don't trust them.

He will always favour other people and stand for them instead of his kids, my mother also. Do you know anyone else like this? Its actually funny.

We did spoke, I stopped doing that I don't see any sense, he thinks I'm a victim, yet he when he wants undersand the best at time, and that also could be a trigger cause these intrusive thoughts attach to that.

Since I've got on pills it was always difficult like this, in worst time he was worst possible. Even before that, ever since I had these problems mental.

I understand, my dad also says these things, he thinks I'm waiting for something to happen and then tries to humiliate. I'm sorry he doesn't understand anything I know how bad it can get, unfortunately. I get it, I'm glad you've found the way, I'm sure if this ever finishes we could be better than ever, yo go through all things at once.

I've lived at my mother's place and then went to this apartment here, I was there cause of monophobia and couldn't do it on myself, but got tired of fights and she just kept telling me to move out, to go on the street, provoking me, I would say bad things to her, she would to me, that's all not good. And I left, also living with my mother not so good for my esteem and everything. So i went back here I'm whole day alone, my dad comes to sleep and bring me food. That's it. But it is his apartment, I don't have anything on my own. I don't have friends. I've heard stories they say I was a junkie, or used pills smoked weed so people know that. I don't care what they think but don't know what to think. This is hard. I never was junkie.

Thank you for your care, I'm here if you need anything.

 

2nd day out of 3 he left me home, fought with me and left for work i didnt go. And i should work there in that sick envirovement? Im currenty in the city at my mothers apartment, she is not home. I will go for a walk aimessly through the city with this monophobia and try to think as I can. I found some psychotherapist, I will call her later my problem is that she will suggest drugs and I will do anything other than that. Where should i work,I may see about this video game places and meetings but I notife also have some kind of depression. Symptoma always the same, maybe I will return to smoking, I feel like this is fat worse than anything. I would try to see what this women have to say, im hopeless.

I found some psychotherapist, I will call her later my problem is that she will suggest drugs

 

Not, how do you know this? Therapists in this country typically do NOT suggest drugs, nor are they allowed to prescribe them. Why not go into this with an open mind? My therapist neither suggested drugs nor pushed me into seeing someone who would prescribe them. In fact, she believes drugs can be useful for only schizophrenia or bipolar 1.

 

btw . . . what country do you live in. You said you do not live in ours.

 

Katz

 

 

I found some psychotherapist, I will call her later my problem is that she will suggest drugs

 

Not, how do you know this? Therapists in this country typically do NOT suggest drugs, nor are they allowed to prescribe them. Why not go into this with an open mind? My therapist neither suggested drugs nor pushed me into seeing someone who would prescribe them. In fact, she believes drugs can be useful for only schizophrenia or bipolar 1.

 

btw . . . what country do you live in. You said you do not live in ours.

 

Katz

 

From past experiences. I've just talked with this women. I told her in short what is going on. I've arranged on Monday meeting, online. She works just online now. I'm not expecting much, but I'm glad to see someone's opinion from outside of this family.

I live in Bosnia and Herzegowina, near Croatia.

We don't have many things here. Well we will see what happens.