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Pashu's Journey


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Hey y'all,

 

I joined to figure out what the hell is going on with me. I have taken Lorazepam/Ativan on an on and off basis since 2013 or so. Usage got way heavier in 2020/2021. Did not know much about the dangers of this drug and surely never bothered with tapers because I was not aware they were required. Average dose was always 1-2 mg. I haven't taken a dose since November 12, 2021.

 

I'm afraid going cold turkey so many times has caused kindling and is the reason for my still persistent symptoms. My symptoms mainly include constant head pressure (24/7, 365) and anorgasmia. These started back in March 2021. Back then I feel like I was a lot more sensitive to stimuli around me and felt more disconnected from the world. Those have cleared up a bit. I've had 2 days since that date, at the start of July, where I felt somewhat normal in my head. Not realizing the link between my symptoms and the drug, I popped another Lorazepam pill that evening and felt it the next day. I haven't had a single window since. I find myself reading through the threads of this forum a lot. The constant pressure doesn't really allow for me to retain information very well, which is already kind of getting me in hot waters at my new job I started last month. I think I'll definitely have to start writing down stuff a lot more until those actions become muscle memory for me. If anyone has any tips for how they stayed functioning at their jobs, I'd love to hear them.

 

Seeing there's a lot of people suffering from similar symptoms helps instill we're all gonna get through it, we have to. I've found less about the anorgasmia I suffer from though. While I did find a few cases on the forum, those seem to pale compared to the frequency of other symptoms people suffer from. So if anyone has any anecdotes about their own journey regarding that symptom, or anywhere I can read up, I'd appreciate it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello Pashu,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies, I am glad you have joined our community!  Kudos to you for letting benzos go from our life - we at BB know what an accomplishment this is.  Withdrawl symptoms certainly can stick around for a while but you will find encouragement by reading the Success Stories here.  Most of our members do ultimatley heal and go on with their lives.  It is my hope that the support and camaraderie you will find here will add a helpful dimension to your healing.

 

I've put some links below to get you started here.  Please ask questions and speak up when you need help.  You can begin posting when ready.

 

Again, welcome,

 

Kate08

 

Cold Turkey, Detox & Rapid Withdrawal

 

Success Stories

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Pashu

I saw you post in the 18-14 month support group. I also see you are trying to hold a job. Some people have told their boss that they are suffering from after covid because it it easier than explaining withdrawal. BUt that is not possible for everyone as not everyone's boss is understanding or it is just not feasible in there situation.

A lot of people have taken to writing everything down or taking less hours if they can.

 

My symptoms mainly include constant head pressure (24/7, 365) and anorgasmia. These started back in March 2021. Back then I feel like I was a lot more sensitive to stimuli around me and felt more disconnected from the world.

The head pressure is a common one. Where/how on your head do you feel it? The stimuli is something to avoid as much as you can. I was very sensitive.

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Hi Pashu

I saw you post in the 18-14 month support group. I also see you are trying to hold a job. Some people have told their boss that they are suffering from after covid because it it easier than explaining withdrawal. BUt that is not possible for everyone as not everyone's boss is understanding or it is just not feasible in there situation.

A lot of people have taken to writing everything down or taking less hours if they can.

 

My symptoms mainly include constant head pressure (24/7, 365) and anorgasmia. These started back in March 2021. Back then I feel like I was a lot more sensitive to stimuli around me and felt more disconnected from the world.

The head pressure is a common one. Where/how on your head do you feel it? The stimuli is something to avoid as much as you can. I was very sensitive.

 

Thank you for your reply. I've already taken to writing down a lot of stuff and trying to take time off strategically. Unfortunately, we are currently in a very hectic period because of IT issues this company has been having this year and I'm getting thrown to the lions a bit. It's a pretty demanding job too which makes everything all the more stressful as I'm learning the ropes while I've lost 50 IQ points, and I sometimes have to ask things multiple times. Fast-paced so not much time to check notes, and there's just so many things I have to think of. Every day is a fight to learn as quick as my situation allows me to, living in fear of not being able to perform adequately and being fired.

 

The head pressure is on top of my head or at the back. Currently, it's a lot of tension on the top center. It never lets up. Been suffering a lot from stomach problems & hay feverlike symptoms too the last few weeks (stomach has been up and down, I notice sugar really revved it up for me to the point where I could not even digest a meal without suffering the next 6 hours). I've never had hay fever before but now I can't escape it if I'm outside. Which also seems to be a frequent symptom here.

 

Thank you too, Kate08.

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I too am in a similar situation.  Was prescribed .5 mg back in 2019 after the birth of my first daughter . I suffered from severe insomnia and anxiety around sleep. It worked well but I was onky to take it for emergencies and ended up taking nightly..ended up becoming dependent..decided to quit in Oct 2020....went cold turkey (although did end up taking again) I ended up kicking it and was actually able to have on hand but rarely ever took it....felt best I had in years and slept amazing...fast forward to now...i started using it more often after birth of my second child and haven't been able to get back off...so mad at myself....this time around I'm def having more physical symptoms that I never had beofre...I just want off this crap...ive started my taper now...I was on 1 mg at night but woukd often take during day to "get through"...which is bad...i really hope I can kick this once and for all...want my life back ...and I hope these physical symptoms go away...i had zero lingering after effects last time so I'm hopeful! My physical symptoms include bad neck and shoulder tightness/pain, head pressure at base of skull, dry heavy eyes, joiint pain, chest tightness...wish u all the best in your journey! We got this!
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I too am in a similar situation.  Was prescribed .5 mg back in 2019 after the birth of my first daughter . I suffered from severe insomnia and anxiety around sleep. It worked well but I was onky to take it for emergencies and ended up taking nightly..ended up becoming dependent..decided to quit in Oct 2020....went cold turkey (although did end up taking again) I ended up kicking it and was actually able to have on hand but rarely ever took it....felt best I had in years and slept amazing...fast forward to now...i started using it more often after birth of my second child and haven't been able to get back off...so mad at myself....this time around I'm def having more physical symptoms that I never had beofre...I just want off this crap...ive started my taper now...I was on 1 mg at night but woukd often take during day to "get through"...which is bad...i really hope I can kick this once and for all...want my life back ...and I hope these physical symptoms go away...i had zero lingering after effects last time so I'm hopeful! My physical symptoms include bad neck and shoulder tightness/pain, head pressure at base of skull, dry heavy eyes, joiint pain, chest tightness...wish u all the best in your journey! We got this!

 

Seeing a few parallels here. I'm sorry you're going through this too. After my heavy usage in 2020 (4-5 times a week of 1 mg, for what was about 3+ months), I managed to kick it quite easily. Only noticed a really huge wave of anxiety the few days after quitting and just feeling really down. However; not being aware of what could possibly follow, I dabbled into it once again when I needed it, as it had served me so well in the past. This time around, things went different I guess. Good luck, we gotta soldier on. We can do this.

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