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34 months - clothes shopping, bars, pizza, space needle, boats, neurologist.


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Hello benzo people,

 

I wanted to give you a 34 month update. I just got back from the bar, only it wasn't to drink alcohol. It's a local pizza place across the street, and I was hungry at midnight so I decided to go get a good pizza, instead of cooking the same old at home. I was able to go into the bar with tons of people, loud music, people partying. It didn't affect me at all, and I felt just like I did when I used to take pills, only without them.

 

I've been going to the beach multiple times a day, it's 0.4 miles there, the same back. I do that multiple times per day, and I sit on the Driftwood and stare at the ocean all by myself, even in the middle of the night. Sometimes I hang out in the pitch-black just so I can look at the lights across the sound. Every now and then people join me in the dark on the same beach, although we don't talk. It doesn't bother me at all, I'm not worried about the other people or who it is.

 

I've been going on lots of walks to the Space Needle as well, they have Gardens and glass artwork as well. I'm able to deal with heights no problem, whereas before I couldn't.

 

I go for boat rides every couple days all the way to the surrounding Islands, and I hang out on the beaches and get food from the vendors nearby. I hang out for at least a couple hours and sightsee and stop by the local shops before heading home. I'm able to stand on the front of the boat or on the top level, front or rear. Before I was getting some kind of weird ocean agoraphobia, where I felt like I was going to fall into the water because I wasn't near my home. Now that's all gone, and it's all normal again, just another day on the water. I don't have any worries about how long I'm gone from home, or whether or not I have everything I need on me.

 

I wasted a couple thousand dollars on clothes last year, because I wasn't able to go to the store and try them on. I had to do everything by mail and I didn't even have the brain capacity to send clothes back to the stores. Now I'm able to go try on shoes and get jeans and shirts that fit properly, and do returns. Turns out none of my clothes fit good, so it feels good to have fitting clothes again now that I'm not taking pills.

 

I went to my neurologist 2 days ago and talked to her about all of this benzos stuff. She was amazed that I took them for 20 years at that kind of dose, and she was amazed at the medical doctors who were willing to do that for so long. She said I'm one of the more extreme cases, and she's not surprised whatsoever that I'm still having symptoms. She said the good news is that my brain seems mostly healed at this point. She said there are certain circumstances where people just don't heal, but that doesn't seem to be the case with me. She's more than willing to help me with anything that I want at this point just about, as she knows what I've been through. She recommended CBD for sleep and lots of natural fish diet with B12, along with my current outdoor activities with hiking and the water and trees, as they have natural healing properties.

 

As for everybody else in society, I don't have any anxiety about any of them. Even when there's delusional people on the streets, big crowds in stores, authority figures, important appointments, you name it, no worries. I'm able to tackle everything with no second thought. I'm able to get dressed and walk out my door with my keys and my wallet and phone, and nothing else. No pill containers, no worries about prescriptions, no other substances. Just me and my natural self.

 

Although I don't have any anxiety, I do still have some physical benzo withdrawal symptoms remaining. According to my neurologist, it's just the brain signals recovering and rejuvenating themselves after two decades worth of substances keeping them depressed. My neurologist thinks that it's not very important whether or not it was prescribed, or which substance you put in your body, your brain signals and nerves have to get resituated basically. According to her, all of your brain signals talk to each other and adjust to surroundings and new events and environments, so they need time to adjust to the new everything.

 

Just wanted to let you guys know that everything's going to be fine, but it's not a quick process. Nothing good in life comes without a fight usually, but once you win the fight, it's that much better.

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Oh that's really great that you are able to enjoy the beauties of Seattle. I used to live on Bainbridge Island, and you are right-- those ferry rides in the sea air are so restorative!

 

Thank you for sharing what your neurologist said,also.

 

Congratulations!! This is a HUGE achievement!

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  • 1 month later...

Just in time, when I read this I cried! Two reasons: 1. I’m so happy for you to have gotten most of your life back. Awesome! Your neurologist is right that with a bit more time, you’ll be 100% healed. If you don’t mind my advice? Please don’t get too excited by letting your guard down too soon. That alcohol will NOT be worth setting you back. So please stay clear for at least another two years….I’d go further to say, why chance it even after two more years? You’ve gone this long without it so why bother, right? Good for you doing what you enjoy whenever you want. Again, well done!

2. I cried because even though I believe strongly in my healing, the things I read of you doing seem so far away for me. I’m 2 years off Ambien now. It’s been bedridden prison for me for most of my time. Only in the past 2-3 months have I been walking around again with limited timeframe. But improvements are improvements and I’m grateful. When read that you go on boat rides I was shocked but happy for you. My vestibular system was heavily damaged so I’m on a boat every day without the boat or water.  That and ataxia ( unbalanced) episodes have been my worst and constant symptoms. If it wasn’t for this , I’d be back to doing anything I wanted. So, I wait….

This is such encouragement to me. When I read it, it resonated strongly to me. It’s like you were speaking to me. I know that might sound strange but your words touched me! Thank you very much for sharing this. My kindest wishes to you in your new life.

Btw, the beach….just sitting and listening…. is my favorite. I miss that so much. The next time you go as you sit in the dark please think of me and tell that beach I’ll see soon.  :mybuddy::hug:

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Thanks, yeah Bainbridge Island is a great spot to relax, I walked around downtown for a couple hours after taking the ferry across Puget Sound. I tend to go to West Seattle more often, because I like the water taxi better than the ferry.

 

And I know what you mean about letting my guard down. I was actually almost healed back in 2021, but then I started playing around with different substances and got knocked back big time. I was told that all of these new cannabinoids were natural and legit, but I'm not so sure of that anymore. I was using Delta 8 and CBD and CBN and t h c o and a bunch of other ones, and I really felt like it knocked my progress back big time.

 

Now the only thing I'm doing is eating healthy food from the farmers market and going for walks to the beach and going shopping, and trying to get in some exercise with my weights at home sometimes, and trying to enjoy lots of nature outdoors. I'm not going to risk anymore setbacks, so it's just me and my natural self and natural food and natural surroundings at this point, and in two weeks will be 3 years, it will be exactly 36 months total.

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  • 6 months later...
I am at 42 months and hope to be healed this year. Most things are pretty normal these days, but there's still a bunch of lingering symptoms.
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  • 4 weeks later...

So glad to hear things have returned to normal. What are you still experiencing? Does it fall into any pattern?

 

I still experience the same symptoms that a lot of people on this website experience, like nerve damage and insomnia and anxiety and things like that. I wouldn't say there's a pattern, I would just say that all of my symptoms keep lessening with time, they're a lot better now than they were at the beginning.

 

If I had to guess, I will be healed before 4 years, or close enough to being healed anyways. I believe I'm at 43 months at the moment, although don't quote me.

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