My benzo-problems in general

Hello, I am a man, 42 years old, and the reason I am joining this site, is because it seems more helpful and aiming for recovery, compared to other sites I have visited, looking for helpful advice. There are so many sites where people are only focusing on the effects, and the high`s, so in other words, the opposite of what I am looking for.

I am a recovering alcoholic. Sober for 3 years, but I have had 3 small setbacks ( lasting for maybe 1 week each ) during these 3 years. I was a severe alcoholic, and should be very lucky to be alive. When you see the fear in your doctors eyes, you know things are serious. I have, due to alcohol, had several episodes of extreme DT, Grand mal-seizures and the rest, except death.

I have quitted Valium ( I was on 80 mg daily ), after this, as I had to find a "new way" to stay calm. This was done in an institution, and the pscychiatrist tapered me down 5 mg ever third day. And yes, I know many of you will think that this is waaaay to rapid, and I might end up in seizures etc. I am also afraid of seizures, but the good thing is: It went completely painless and smooth. But: Remember that this is individually. And I have had other periods where tapering has been much harder. That part is something that confuses both me and other benzo-users. We really don`t know what to expect.

When I was crawling into detox for alcohol, I was usually also very mal-nurished. I had problems eating, almost like a temporary eating-disorder. I knew I was going to go through hell, in a very weak starting position. But I had so many relapses and detoxes before, so I kind of knew the timeline. And I also comforted myself with telling myself: All the things I worry to death about right now ( when the hell of the alcohol-detox peaked ), is probably something I am going to laugh about in a month.

Now I am unfortunately addicted to benzos, and Imovane. I am not in an institution, but I really want to stop benzo`s. I am on a mix of Valium, Rivotril ( clonazepam ) and 7,5 mg imovane ( these don`t worry me ).

Daily dose:

Some days are more extreme then others, and I can easily take 8 mg of Rivotril and 30 mg Valium a day. But this is not my "addiction"-dose. Just when very special things are happening, that I don`t like. Weddings etc. Ironic huh? We take more and more of this poison to become more and more like the "normal" person we think others see and know. Find one error.

Back to my realistic, daily dose:

Now I have tuned it all in on Rivotril and Imovane. I have access to Valium, and a plan, but the problem is that I HATE RIVOTRIL so much that I am willing to do a big jump over to Valium. Rivotril completely ruins my studies, makes me extremely depressed, flat, and sucks every motivation out of me. It is impossible to make any routines. The only thing I am capable of at this time, is planning how to stop. I am following a plan, but this means I will not be finished with Rivotril before in two months. And that is when the journey with Valium begins. Sorry, I will go back to my daily dose, and write my story in the forum.

Daily dose at this day:

Rivotril: 6-8 mg

Imovane: 7.5 mg

Seroquel: 25 mg every night

Short ending: I am concidering going directly over to Valium, but not by using a equalent-calculator ( sorry, that must have been written wrong, but you get it. English is not my main language ). I will write more about it in my new post. I hope you can help me, folks. <3

Also: I have been on Benzo`s for about 9 years. It started with low doses of Oxazepam. I have used Rivotril for 1 year, so it`s not that bad. Valium maybe 4-5 years. It is a big mixed cocktail. But I have had enough.

Hello HopeLeslie, welcome to BenzoBuddies,

You have a challenging situation and history but I can see you're motivated to get off of these drugs and understand what you're likely facing.  We'll support you as you make the journey to become benzo free. 

It's gratifying to hear our forum appeals to those looking to be free of benzo's, this is our focus and while most of our members have taken the drug as prescribed by their doctors, we don't judge those who have sought it out for recreational purposes, we're all victims of the life changing effects these drugs have had on our lives.

It sounds like you've done your research and have a plan in place but I hope you'll be willing to listen to those who have gone before you.

I'll provide some links to help you navigate the forum but please ask questions, we're here to help.

Pamster

Colorado Consortium Benzodiazepine Deprescribing Guidelines

Planning Your Withdrawal (Taper)

Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

The Ashton Manual

Thanks alot for the nice introduction, Pamster. I really appretiate it.

It seems like a very good place to share experiences and receive advice, and I will write more about my plan in the right arena in here. Coming up soon And yes, I will absolutely listen to good advice.

Thanks again!