Having family over for the first time in three years while in a wave - help

Hi everyone.

 

I haven't been on here much until recently because I was doing pretty well for months (driving, stores, walking in parks etc) - until this recent wave started over a month ago. Unfortunately, it has actually gotten worse over the last week.

 

I have not been able to drive, nor even be a passenger in a car for five days now. I feel too weak and too cruddy. This evening I even felt off balance in the shower. That is something that I have not dealt with in a long time. When I am not driving and having a rough time showering - I feel, well, disabled.

 

I feel pretty good most of the day. I actually forget I am sick at times and I feel normal, but in the afternoon and evening I start to feel pretty off balance/boaty/equilibrium issues, therefore I am sitting more. Sometimes I get DR. The balance and DR issues have only been happening for about a week.

 

Anyway, because I was too sick early on in withdrawal, and then because the pandemic arrived when I was 9 months into withdrawal, we have not had guests over. I have visited with neighbors outside and such, but that's it.

 

Tomorrow my sister and brother in law are coming over to have a nice visit outside. I am looking forward to it. I have tried to set this up before, but I had to cancel because I was too sick. They understand my situation,  that I am not feeling too well as of late and they are being very accommodating to a short visit and if I have to go lay down, they understand.

 

I don't know how I will feel tomorrow for this, but in my heart I think it will do me some good. I am ticked that this wave is hanging on, but I want to see my family, so I am going to do that, wave or not.

 

I have had enough of being like this, this long. I am trying to be accepting knowing it will pass. Not always easy.

 

-Fortitude

 

Miss Fortitude, I like your idea of staying committed to this visit with family even if you aren't feeling great.  It takes courage for us to get outside of our comfort zone - kudos to you!  I hope this is a 'next step' in your recovery process.  If you keep your expectations low, you will likely be pleasantly surprised as to how this turns out.  I hope you let us know how it went.   

You are so right, not everything is easy.

 

I found myself in a similar situation more than once, when going through this process. In the end, I'm glad I went ahead with the plans, the distraction was beneficial and just trying to engage in some 'real life' activities was actually uplifting.

 

You'll get through this, but do find time to decompress afterwards. 

 

pianogirl 

Thank you Pianogirl & Kate for your replies 

You can do it. Son and daughter in law came on Mother’s Day end March here, I’ve been pretty crap whole time. Their cellar was flooded so were going stay night then go to her Mum’s. Daughter in law ended up with Covid next day, her Mum hadn’t had it so ended up staying with us fir 12 days. We all ended up with Covid. Was hard as I had appear “ normal”. I managed it fir 12 days, you can do it to. I have often found seeing people can be a real distraction. Go for  it👍

I’m saying this from my experience so please take it as you wish. I am at 30 months now. There have been events that I did not want to be part of or was not doing well at all but even though I attended, I struggled. Now as time has past I remember the events and it’s part of my memories now. The thing is I don’t remember my withdrawal symptoms from the event and I remember it as a positive experience now. Try your best, push through. Show your sister how strong you are. You can do this. 

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. Kate, Pianogirl, Leann, Packy - Thank you for your encouraging words!

 

The visit with my sister and brother in law yesterday went very well! I DID do better than I expected. I had a few mild symptoms (boatiness feeling/a tad dizzy) but I was so engrossed in the conversation and enjoying myself that I hardly even noticed. They stayed over two hours and I even brought out my tripod and set up a camera for a photo of all of us. I did all of this in the middle of a wave!

 

Best of all, I know I completed a major milestone here. I feel like I can move back towards normal life more. This is HUGE for me. I relaxed for the remainder of the day and the feeling of accomplishment was so immense. Since I have been in this wave I have been looking for a lot of reassurance, but yesterday I felt so good and positive in the happy afterglow of our visit that I did not want to think about, read about, nor talk about withdrawal or symptoms for the remainder of the day.

 

It was a great positive distraction and felt like normal life.

 

Today I thought was going to be a little rough since I did a lot yesterday. The morning was, but I am in a wave. However, the rest of today I was walking around out in the yard getting exercise and doing just fine.

 

Thanks all

- Fortitude

 

Ah Miss Fortitude, this is awesome!  I am so glad you kept your commitment and wound up enjoying your day with family.  You are so right, this will no doubt move your forward in your recovery.

 

All the best -

 

Kate08   

Glad you coped OK. Glad I’m not only one 3 years off still dealing with this crap, but sorry you are still having problems .Had first window recently now back to feeling crap again. Have trouble believing this will ever end. But well done you.

Wonderful news!  I'm happy for you, and happy that you feel confident that you can participate in a more full life. 

One thing thats sorta helped me with all the impossible scenarios, visits, social engagements you kinda have to do but are totally wrecked for, is break things down into increments in your mind. like if theres a gathering of folks for a long day and you just dont have anywhere near the strength to face it, break it down into 'sections'

 

Like if youre talking to a few friends or something, get through that few minutes, then excuse yourself for a bathroom break or something, disappear for a few minutes and 'regroup' - ok, youve made it through that portion of time. maybe somethings going on that doesnt directly involve you, and you can sneak away and take a break sitting somewhere, or even if youre engaged with people, look for the most comfortable way to do it, to sit or lean on something, and then get through that portion of time. eventually, some hours will go by and you realize youre still alive and can make it.

 

thats how ive made it. its still torture, its still very hard, but i try to portion things in my head, and take 'breaks' when i can, even if that break means youre standing there with people but are just quiet without the energy to speak. i cant tell you how many times i tried to go out on a bad day, knowing i didnt have the strength, and would sneak out and hide in my car (or someone elses if not in shape to drive) and catch my breath, then go back in, endure another hour, then sneak out again for a 'break' or sneak into the basement or something lol.

 

break up your engagements with people into sections. get through each few minutes as you can.

 

however you have to do it, youll be amazed at how little people even notice, no one has any idea what you feel like, and when things are going on, people dont really notice our weird habits. i realize if youre having guests you cant exactly disappear for long periods, but just find those little oasis of breaks somehow, sometimes even if tis just a couple minutes. , its amazing how much you can 'hide' in plain sight and its really not even a big deal to anyone.

 

just some thoughts on it all. but basically, break it all up, its not 5 days with family (or whatever) its, how do i get through the next hour, then get through the hour after that, however you need.

aragorn, good advice.  I used to go nap in my car or in the ladies' locker room at work for about 20 minutes during my lunch break when I was in tolerance w/d.