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2.5 Year Update


[mi...]

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Hi everyone. When I was in the throes of withdrawal I often wondered why more success stories weren't posted here. I can say now that I totally understand the want/need that some people have to move on from the forums. That said, I thought it might be nice to provide an update, especially if it can help someone out there who is struggling.

 

I developed severe anxiety issues as a kid and was put on SSRI's around the age of 12. I decided to c/t them in 2012 and had a pretty rough go of it. Around that time I was prescribed benzos and took them intermittently for years without issue. In 2015/16 I faced multiple life stressors and increased my usage. In the spring of 2016 I attempted to c/t Xanax and that is when my nightmare began. I was never bed-ridden but for months I could barely eat or sleep and had severe dissociation. Despite the fact that I signed up for my BB account right after that ordeal I forgot about the benzo connection and by the time 2018 rolled around, I was taking Xanax again. I started to feel like garbage, c/t'd, and ended up right back where I had been in 2016, plus I had to quit my job. I found a local PCP via a recommendation on these forums and he basically saved my life with a 10 month Valium taper.

 

I'm 2.5 years out and I feel like I've come such a long way. I go to the gym, spend lots of time with friends, and enjoy my job. I travel often and spend lots of time outside with my dog. Things aren't perfect of course - I still have some dissociation, tinnitus, and acid reflux - but I am very thankful for where I've landed. I also think it's important to note that I've found so much value in reading about trauma and its impacts on the nervous system. Trauma can be a car accident, but it can also be sustained abuse over a long period of time, or even medication-induced. It is my belief that I'll only get close to 'normal' again by healing my nervous system, which is something I'm working on.

 

I wish all of you the best in your journeys. If you can find a way to hold out hope, I promise that things will get better and life can be such a beautiful thing when you've gone through the things we all have. I'm not saying you'll ever be your 'pre-benzo' self again - that's not even my goal anymore - but I think the prospect of 'rising from the ashes' and building something new is an incredible thing.

 

:smitten:

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Milli yes rising from the ashes to a new beautiful us! I love that. Thank you. May you continue to heal and enjoy your renewed life. Great job!  :thumbsup:

 

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Thank you for coming back to write your story, they're so important and you writing yours will give hope.  I'm glad you're living your life and glad you're feeling so much better.
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