Hi everyone. When I was in the throes of withdrawal I often wondered why more success stories weren't posted here. I can say now that I totally understand the want/need that some people have to move on from the forums. That said, I thought it might be nice to provide an update, especially if it can help someone out there who is struggling.
I developed severe anxiety issues as a kid and was put on SSRI's around the age of 12. I decided to c/t them in 2012 and had a pretty rough go of it. Around that time I was prescribed benzos and took them intermittently for years without issue. In 2015/16 I faced multiple life stressors and increased my usage. In the spring of 2016 I attempted to c/t Xanax and that is when my nightmare began. I was never bed-ridden but for months I could barely eat or sleep and had severe dissociation. Despite the fact that I signed up for my BB account right after that ordeal I forgot about the benzo connection and by the time 2018 rolled around, I was taking Xanax again. I started to feel like garbage, c/t'd, and ended up right back where I had been in 2016, plus I had to quit my job. I found a local PCP via a recommendation on these forums and he basically saved my life with a 10 month Valium taper.
I'm 2.5 years out and I feel like I've come such a long way. I go to the gym, spend lots of time with friends, and enjoy my job. I travel often and spend lots of time outside with my dog. Things aren't perfect of course - I still have some dissociation, tinnitus, and acid reflux - but I am very thankful for where I've landed. I also think it's important to note that I've found so much value in reading about trauma and its impacts on the nervous system. Trauma can be a car accident, but it can also be sustained abuse over a long period of time, or even medication-induced. It is my belief that I'll only get close to 'normal' again by healing my nervous system, which is something I'm working on.
I wish all of you the best in your journeys. If you can find a way to hold out hope, I promise that things will get better and life can be such a beautiful thing when you've gone through the things we all have. I'm not saying you'll ever be your 'pre-benzo' self again - that's not even my goal anymore - but I think the prospect of 'rising from the ashes' and building something new is an incredible thing.
