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Miss Piggy needs advice


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Hi Pamster suggested I pop over here for help.

I have a rather long story but need some help...

 

Never been on any meds before this situation

 

Feb 2020

Burnout from work in education

Temezepam 10mg for sleeping

 

June 2020

Given fluoxetine by GP - reacted badly to feeling suicidal

Given 3mg of lorazapam by emergency team in order to combat above error (never told it was short term use)

 

June-Dec 2020

Kept trying to reduce lorazapam in 0.5mgs but would get to 0.5mg or 1mg and feel terrible (but no suicidal thoughts) so GP reinstated (now realise this was withdrawal and tolerance). Never once were we informed short term. GP later admitted she did not really deal in lorazapam.

Anti depressants moved to mirtazapine

 

Jan/Feb 2021

I found Ashton Report and asked GP to change over to diazepam. I organised it with a knowledgeable friend and we stepped over from 2mg to 20mg over 28 days. Felt good.

Started reducing in 2mg every few weeks

 

May/June 2021

Tapered 12 to 10mg and all hell broke lose. No concentration, no appetite, upset stomach, could not stop talking about how I felt, no longer wished to be here

Tried to reinstate to 12mg - did not work

Had to get emergency treatment and antidepressant changed to mirtazapine and imprimine. Felt good again

 

July 2021

Tapered to 11.5mg cut and hold - was fine

Discovered BB

 

Aug - Oct 2021 Had to resign job and clear out room. No reductions made. Low and sad dips.

 

Nov/Dec 2021

GP had placed me on HRT for low mood (no other symptoms) earlier in the year. Realised there was a relationship between progesterone and diazepam not good. Also left on pop pill from years ago. Had a huge dip based on the fact was now trapped on all these meds

 

Jan/Feb 2022

Restarted taper - very scared

11.5 - 11.25mg cut and hold (3 weeks)

11.25mg - 11mg cut and hold (3 weeks)

Seemed to be going well

 

Feb 2022

Partner returned to work in education after holiday.  I did not. Other stressors. Another big dip similar to July 2021

 

Held - medical team tried to up my AD imiprimine but I said no. Had to prove to them so better after 5 weeks

 

April 2022

Partner returned to work in education after holiday. I did not. Big dip like July 2021. Still stuck in it. Feel at the bottom.of the pit. Not sure I can keep going.

 

I am unable to talk about anything else - only myself and how low I feel.

 

I just wish I had never accepted the meds from the GP.  Most of my family and friends do not understand why I keep having these dips and I slowly feel isolated and alone. Big pressure on remaining friends.

 

Any help or advice appreciated.

Why do dips come even when you are not reducing? Why do I slide to the bottom so fast now.

 

Thank you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Are you doing any therapy or counseling Miss piggy?  Of course the benzos or other meds may be playing a role in how you feel but it sounds like you likely have some life issues that are dragging you down.  When I was well into my taper from clonazepam, it occurred to me that I would have to learn to deal with life without benzos so finding healthy ways to live life and cope with stress without them became my focus - and of course, this is an ongoing process.
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Started seeing pychologist recently.

Have spoke to several counsellors but never seem to get a good understanding of next steps.

What have you been learning from yours kate08?

Would a wave come out of the blue when not reducing?

I know Pamster asked me to put this post up so hoping to get quite a few ideas from you all.

Also do you think dips always go to the bottom once you have been there once?

Are you doing any therapy or counseling Miss piggy?  Of course the benzos or other meds may be playing a role in how you feel but it sounds like you likely have some life issues that are dragging you down.  When I was well into my taper from clonazepam, it occurred to me that I would have to learn to deal with life without benzos so finding healthy ways to live life and cope with stress without them became my focus - and of course, this is an ongoing process.

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Accepting the inevitable ups and downs of life is one of the main things I've learned since I quit benzos.  Usually when I have a dip in mood I can relate it to something that is happening in my life but not always.  Talking things out with someone (not family) I trust helps me get a clearer perspective and I have a fairly good understanding that the dips always pass.  Staying active and busy and helping others helps me out of the hole, too.
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Thank you Kate.

Have you had dips that lasted for weeks?

Accepting the inevitable ups and downs of life is one of the main things I've learned since I quit benzos.  Usually when I have a dip in mood I can relate it to something that is happening in my life but not always.  Talking things out with someone (not family) I trust helps me get a clearer perspective and I have a fairly good understanding that the dips always pass.  Staying active and busy and helping others helps me out of the hole, too.

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No, none that last that long.  Usually 2-3 of bad days is all I'll tolerate before I decide I need to get out of the funk and I either talk it out with someone or turn my thoughts to helping others or both.  I was funky ALL

day yesterday (I got irritated with hubby) and even this morning when I got up so I am calling a good friend today to see if she can meet for lunch.  Actually, I already feel better for talking with you Miss piggy  :-)

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Thank you Kate08. Mine are lasting alot longer than a few days. Last one was over a month.

I am on 3rd week here and it's not good.

I hope Pamster and she mentioned asking some others will be in touch about taper issues and next steps

No, none that last that long.  Usually 2-3 of bad days is all I'll tolerate before I decide I need to get out of the funk and I either talk it out with someone or turn my thoughts to helping others or both.  I was funky ALL

day yesterday (I got irritated with hubby) and even this morning when I got up so I am calling a good friend today to see if she can meet for lunch.  Actually, I already feel better for talking with you Miss piggy  :-)

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Hi Miss Piggy,

 

I'm sorry I haven't been around, it still hurts to type. 

 

Can you expound on your dips, what are you feeling?  Also, I see you have tapered a bit in February, I wonder if a different method of tapering might keep you more steady?

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Thank you Pamster. Sorry to hear your finger is still not good.

Feelings: no appetite, little sleep, upset stomach, agrophobia, no concentration, looping thoughts, SI, yellow tongue, brain fog (could be lack of sleep), cannot stop talking about how bad i feel, ruminating on past errors on meds. Terrified I have ruined my life. Losing hope.

I still have a huge taper to go for diazepam and temezepam. Do you think if I moved them both over to diazepam it might help? Worried I would lose the 3-5 hours of sleep if I did that.

I feel really trapped and dont know what to do.

I also know that having progesterone in the bc pill and hrt are not helpful. Will they prevent me getting off?

The psych here will just want to up my AD and I am not keen to do that.

Thank you for your patience and help

Hi Miss Piggy,

 

I'm sorry I haven't been around, it still hurts to type. 

 

Can you expound on your dips, what are you feeling?  Also, I see you have tapered a bit in February, I wonder if a different method of tapering might keep you more steady?

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We were also going to discuss stress and anxiety and how that may play a part.

Would they send you in a tailspin even if you were holding?

How do you lift out of that? Distraction is not winning here x

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Hi Miss Piggy, I had a note to myself to find your post but I'm glad you bumped your thread.

 

Tell me about the HRT and birth control, you mentioned in December that you weren't sure it was doing anything for you, do you still feel the same?

 

 

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Yes

Cerezette (progesterone only pill) taken for over 10 years

HRT (evorel sequi) taken since April 2021

 

I have been told here to get off the benzos first as progesterone does impact on same receptors

 

I have got it in my head that I cannot taper and get off and am freaking myself out.

 

Thank you

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Miss piggy, after 21 years on a significant dose of clonazepam, I also thought I could not get off.  When I started to taper I approached it with a "let's see how this goes" attitude.  I thought that even if I could reduce my dose it would be an improvement.  What I found as I did some initial cuts was that while it was hard, it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be so I got some momentum up (and some hope :-) and proceeded on, one day at a time, one cut at a time, until I was off benzos.
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Trying to work out why I feel so low. Dont think I can get off these meds.

Feeling really really down

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Miss Piggy, I like what Kate08 said to you, it's what I do when faced with something overwhelming, I say to myself I'm going to eat this elephant one bite at a time and that makes it more manageable. 

 

Sometimes the first step is the hardest but its a good one to take because it leads you to freedom.  I've been thinking about your situation and wonder if its time to begin this taper in earnest?  You're absolutely miserable on the drug and if updosing isn't an option then your only other one is to taper off of it, can we talk about doing that?

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What are your thoughts Pamster? Thank you

Miss Piggy, I like what Kate08 said to you, it's what I do when faced with something overwhelming, I say to myself I'm going to eat this elephant one bite at a time and that makes it more manageable. 

 

Sometimes the first step is the hardest but its a good one to take because it leads you to freedom.  I've been thinking about your situation and wonder if its time to begin this taper in earnest?  You're absolutely miserable on the drug and if updosing isn't an option then your only other one is to taper off of it, can we talk about doing that?

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I feel that fear has you tightly in it's grips and its preventing you from moving forward, I understand because fear is a huge symptom of tolerance and withdrawal but there comes a time when we have to face that fear and take action in order to escape it.  Its going to be tough but so is what you're living with now so it could be empowering to take back your life, what do you think?
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In a way I agree let's start the taper but I feel at an extremely low point. Has the SI come because I am so frightened? Or because I hit an awful non reduction induced wave x

I feel that fear has you tightly in it's grips and its preventing you from moving forward, I understand because fear is a huge symptom of tolerance and withdrawal but there comes a time when we have to face that fear and take action in order to escape it.  Its going to be tough but so is what you're living with now so it could be empowering to take back your life, what do you think?

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I can't address your SI because we have a policy that prohibits the discussion of it but feeling hopeless can contribute to all sorts of negative emotions so its time to focus on what you can do, not what you can't and you have the power to do this.  Policy Concerning Suicide, Self harm and Threatening Behavior

 

If you agree with pressing forward on your taper, we'll need to know your exact doses of benzo's and what time you take them. 

 

 

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Breakfast 3mg v

Lunch 3mg v

Dinner 5mg v

Bed 10mg t

 

Plus we have the hrt, pop pill and antidepressants in there as well

 

I can't address your SI because we have a policy that prohibits the discussion of it but feeling hopeless can contribute to all sorts of negative emotions so its time to focus on what you can do, not what you can't and you have the power to do this.  Policy Concerning Suicide, Self harm and Threatening Behavior

 

If you agree with pressing forward on your taper, we'll need to know your exact doses of benzo's and what time you take them.

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What is a "pop" pill and would you like to consider crossing the Temazepam over to Valium so you'll only be on one benzo?
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Progesterone only contraceptive pill

What would the benefits be for changing over?

Do you think it would lift my mood if I changed over?

Would I lose my sleep if I changed ove

r?

Sorry...so many questions

Thank you

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Thanks for letting us know what a pop is.

 

Changing to only one benzo would eliminate the shorter acting Temazepam which would give you a smoother taper but you don't have to do this, regardless, I believe the Temazepam needs to go first since it is the shorter acting. 

 

I don't feel your mood will be lifted until you're off of the 2 benzo's and recovered from your use, while tapering and once off the drugs you're going to have sleep issues and withdrawal symptoms until you recover so it's important to set realistic expectations.  Your symptoms will change, lessen, increase in intensity and decrease at times, you'll experience windows and waves but you're feeling all of this now so at least if you're tapering, you have hope for recovery, the way you are now, there is none.

 

Recovery is possible but in order to recover you have to be fully committed to this process.  Its long and it's hard but its your only chance for freedom.  If you stay on the drug, you'll most likely continue to be miserable, if you get off of it, you have a chance to live your best life. 

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Thank you Pamster

Much appreciated.

Thanks for letting us know what a pop is.

 

Changing to only one benzo would eliminate the shorter acting Temazepam which would give you a smoother taper but you don't have to do this, regardless, I believe the Temazepam needs to go first since it is the shorter acting. 

 

I don't feel your mood will be lifted until you're off of the 2 benzo's and recovered from your use, while tapering and once off the drugs you're going to have sleep issues and withdrawal symptoms until you recover so it's important to set realistic expectations.  Your symptoms will change, lessen, increase in intensity and decrease at times, you'll experience windows and waves but you're feeling all of this now so at least if you're tapering, you have hope for recovery, the way you are now, there is none.

 

Recovery is possible but in order to recover you have to be fully committed to this process.  Its long and it's hard but its your only chance for freedom.  If you stay on the drug, you'll most likely continue to be miserable, if you get off of it, you have a chance to live your best life.

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