Travel anxiety?

[[Buddie]]

I'm a very outgoing person. I can be extremely extroverted and I can spend my whole day out and about if I choose to. I went to Niagara Falls in 2019 and also last year in 2021. We got a hotel and stayed for a few nights.

The days and weeks leading up to the trips both years were so filled with happiness and excitement. I couldn't wait. In both 2019 and 2021 I had a lot of fun the first day of arriving there with my friend. Everything was perfect.

For some reason it wasn't until bedtime (both years) that I was hit with such extreme anxiety that I wanted to leave and go back home. I tried to fall asleep and instead my mind became overrun with negative anxious thoughts and I started having extremely bad anxiety. I went from being so excited and happy to being panicky and scared.

To this day I don't understand why this happens to me and I question it. Is it because I don't like hotels? Is it because I'm uncomfortable being away from home while still dealing with benzo withdrawal? Am I just not meant to travel? If I'm so happy about the trip then why is my mind sabotaging my fun with anxiety?

In 2019 my friend helped me relax and I had 1 bad night but I felt better the rest of the trip. I was still tapering at the time. Last year in 2021 was horrible. I had anxiety the whole trip and even stayed up for hours and hours not being able to sleep because of air hunger. It was like torture.

I don't know if anyone can relate. I really hope benzo withdrawal is the reason I'm so sensitive right now and the reason that my body is acting this way when I'm just trying to enjoy myself. I don't even have anxiety often in benzo wd. I mainly deal with physical stuff like sleep issues and air hunger. I rarely have anxiety or even anxious thoughts.

[[Buddie]]

Your post caught my eye and I can relate to it.  Panic like you had in the hotel at night can catch you off guard and be so overwhelming!  I've been off benzos almost two years and although I have not traveled since I've tapered off, the thought of it gives me the willies.  While I was tapering the quarantine was in place and travel wasn't an option but now that things are opening up and I am vaccinated, travel is becoming an option again.  I used to like to travel but I'm not sure how I feel about it now and I don't have benzos to rely on for sleep, etc.  The best solution I can come up with is to take a short trip or two, something that doesn't feel overwhelming, before I book something more involved.