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2 Months out and not sure if I can hang on


[CA...]

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Hey Everyone,

So I'm an extremely Short term user but I feel like my body is crumbling. I slept 90 mins last night and am having so many zero nights that its distressing. I still have so many visual issues (Sunlight is too bright, TV is too bright) still have akasthia and not sure if I can hang on to my job. is it possible I was already very low on Gaba and I finished the job with my short term Benzo use? I had otherworldly panic when i jumped off and somehow pushed through to here. Could my use of every possible supplement after I dropped off fried my brain? ( ZZZquil, Melatonin, CBD, Various herbs)  I just cant tell if its getting any better and struggling with so many regrets on how I got here...any encouragement would be appreciated...I'm thinking about trying reinstatement daily but I know that's not the best option...

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I wrote a long post on what each type of meds/herbs/supplements can do. Then I realized that whether or not a particular supplement can fry your brain is probably not what your asking.

 

You want to know if you will be ok.

 

It sounds like you are in acute still. If that is the case than, I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that everything you wrote is normal. I promise. You are in the same boat as so many of us. I would not mess with the supplements. I would wait out of acute.

 

No matter how hard we got hit we are all in the worst pain we have ever experienced.

Survive long enough to live. Get past the worse and you will make it through. It is very rare if someone sees absolutely no improvement. If they do they do not post much. We just don't know how long. It comes down to when.

 

Some people acute last for weeks, others months. Sometime it just slowly gets better.

 

Whether or not you should reinstate depends if the possible benefits outway the risks.

 

 

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Thanks girl,

Trying to stay positive...we will get through this. Also dealing with crazy out of body Dp/DR...insane that a few doses of Klon could cause this..thanks for the input! Don't think I'm reinstating at this point since I don't even think things would clear up..

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Dont reinstate ca0110, imo it'll only make things worse in the long term. Im the same with sleep, hardly any for months so i know how you feel. I took some rescue doses but it  has only prolonged the wd, i wish i hadnt but was desparate at the time. Ive been taking 2- 4 mg of meletonin now for the past 4 nights and it has help me get some sleep, about 4 hours broken, maybe a bit more, at least its something. Im hoping this will i prove over time, its abdominal pain that keeps me awake.
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Thanks girl,

Trying to stay positive...we will get through this. Also dealing with crazy out of body Dp/DR...insane that a few doses of Klon could cause this..thanks for the input! Don't think I'm reinstating at this point since I don't even think things would clear up..

I'm sorry you got the awful DP/DR too. It is other worldly. Staying positive is a job itself. You won't always be so. But you have to strive for it anyway. I have a hope folder that I put others words in to help me. Sometimes it helps.

 

Something that stuck with me is some words a healed girl said.

I can't remember the the exact words but it was something like:

I would say that I got this through on hope, but I'd be lying. There was times there was no hope. I got through on spite. She said things to herself like make it through a year and you can punch the creator of this drug.

 

I told myself make it six months. I repeated Make it til May I set a goal, so when in times I did not have hope, I still had a reason to push on.

 

There will be times you will not have hope. Be ready for that. But it will pass. And you will find hope again. Posting for support is great.

 

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I just cant tell if its getting any better and struggling with so many regrets on how I got here...any encouragement would be appreciated...I'm thinking about trying reinstatement daily but I know that's not the best option...

 

Hi CA, taking this drug was the worst thing I did in my life. I should have waited for the sleep to come back. As you see in my signature, I too was initially exposed to it for a short time (10 days). Unfortunately, via a seizure, my body told me to taper. I wish I had made it clear of that and just gone through the symptoms you have so my recovery could be completed without the drug, but it is what it is. Stay strong. 

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CAO,

You got some good advice here. (Nice posting BTW Stitch)

After 6 doses of K.....if it were me there is no way in hell I would go back on!!!! I know the acute sucks, and  it really does. But those things will go away. The no sleep seems like it's not possible....but it is. It is beyond awful, but it is survivable!

Just keep going ok.

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Thanks, its just tough cause looking back I was definitely dependant and had bad symptoms after dropping off but I fought through.i feel like I'm feeling the after affects of that due to not tapering a bit slower
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Given how dependent you were in such a short time I don't think it would have made a difference if you'd have tapered lower.  I've watched some members taper all the way to zero and suffer like you are, its terrible and unfair but I'm telling you this in the hope you'll stop doing 'what if', or beating yourself up for your choices.

 

I used to white knuckle through every second and I can see that's what you're doing too.  Reinstating was never an option for me, I guess I never put it together in my head that it would take away the pain, I'm kind of glad I didn't know very much about all of this when I quit because from what I've read here, its not a sure thing, sometimes we can't go home. 

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Thanks Everyone...I'm hanging on and strangely optimisic today. I believe I'll keep improving. Will keep you posted on how things go
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Thanks, but I am still having horrible nights. Is it possible that a bad reaction to a cold turkey can break a brain? I am basically sleeping zero hours nightly for the past few weeks and I don't seem to be improving and just remaining the same.At times I'm thinking I should see a neurologist and see if there is something else going on with my brain.It feel like the shock of my intense cold turkey has done me in, just wondering if there's anything I can do at this point. My body just seems to have not allowed me to rest at all for the 2.5 months since my brutal cold turkey
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Hey Pam,

Right now the sleep has just been non existent...feeling like zero hours for days on end...previously I would get a few hours and be up around 2 or 3. I'm still very disassociate (lights are brighter, videos seem sped up) I understand that this could be a result of depersonalization that I think the cold turkey triggered. Just concerned because I've felt pretty off the past 2 months and been riding it all out in the hopes things would improve. I am noticing good days mixed in here and there, but the sleep has been horrendous

 

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Your other symptoms seem manageable and would probably be so much lighter if you could get some sleep, this feels hopeful to me, I know, easy for me to say from the outside looking in.

 

What are you feeling and thinking while you're laying in bed, describe your typical sleepless night for me if you would.

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Pam,

So basically I'm in bed around 10, do some meditation and maybe doze off for an hour or two..I then usually am wide awake between 1-3 sometimes in a panic, sometimes I'm just thinking about how my brain feels fried and I can't sleep. I'm rarely tired, and just lay there comfortably until the sun comes up. Thats been the last 70 days basically

 

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I'm surprised you can get to sleep so that's a bonus but waking like that every night must be terrifying.  When the panic has died down, is that when the thoughts about your brain being fried start and do you focus solely on that in a never ending loop?  And when you say comfortably, are you saying you don't have physical sensations, just the mental torture?
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Yep, for the most part its the mental aspect of thinking about how my brain may be fried. Plus the flashbacks of the multihour panic attacks after dropping off on Klon back in Jan. Just seems like my brain is in this never ending loop of panic and wont let me sleep
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Also a very short term user here. I’m SO SO SO glad I didn’t reinstate. It’s been a wild ride, but in all honesty I came out of it a better person. Hang in there — things improve with time for all of us.

 

Sleep was my #1 priority early on and the only thing that would work is exercising myself to the point of exhaustion. 1.5 hour walk in the morning and 1-2 hours cycle in the evening. No food after 6, followed by a warm bath, hot tea, l-theanine, occasional melatonin, and no screens. Despite the brain zaps and adrenalin, I would fall into deep sleep around 10 and wake up with adrenalin/cortisol jerk/terror at 4-6. Over time I would sleep for 7-8 hours every night like this.

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Thanks kzw,

Yeah sleep was the first thing to go for me and has been horrendous since.in fact most of my symptoms are prob from the extended sleep deprivation lol..I've been trying to exhaust myself but may try some of your pointers to see if that will help! I was having sleep issues before benzos so I realize it could be tied to obsession and thinking about benzos non stop ...

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Hey I just want to chime in and say that you are doing good! As far as your attitude goes anyway! I know the sleep thing SUCKs! I had it hardcore. Everything you are talking about is unfortunately completely normal in benzo wd world :(

Like classic. Sometimes the sleep thing takes....months. I know it's hard to hear when you have already done 2 months of it, But honestly it really does come back. I was the zero nights girl too, only I never even fell asleep. Plus the fact that you can be physically comfortable is also promising! (My physical pain also kept me awake on top of the panic, jolts, and overall neurological symptoms I had)

Also, you saying you had some better days mixed in is a very good sign as well. You will probably start having more of those, especially on days that you get a little more sleep.

Unfortunately, it just takes time. But I am confident you will get there!

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Thanks southern bell..I appreciate the encouragement but I may be nearing the end of my rope. I'm just getting way too many nights of zero perceived sleep and I feel like I may have to go to the psych ward soon. I may have had other mental issues prior to the benzos that could have flared up so not sure if its wise to keep pushing and not sleeping..
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Please do what you need to do to keep yourself safe, only you know how much you can take, we'll support whatever decision you make.

 

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Thanks for the support Pam, in your opinion would it be better to try to reinstate myself or go to the psych ward and maybe have them give me non benzo options? Just unsure what I shoild do next
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Thanks for the support Pam, in your opinion would it be better to try to reinstate myself or go to the psych ward and maybe have them give me non benzo options? Just unsure what I shoild do next

 

Given what you stated here I can't weigh in with a suggestion, this is something you should discuss with your family or your doctor. 

 

Thanks southern bell..I appreciate the encouragement but I may be nearing the end of my rope. I'm just getting way too many nights of zero perceived sleep and I feel like I may have to go to the psych ward soon. I may have had other mental issues prior to the benzos that could have flared up so not sure if its wise to keep pushing and not sleeping..

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