2 Months out and not sure if I can hang on

[[Buddie]]

Hey Everyone,
So I'm an extremely Short term user but I feel like my body is crumbling. I slept 90 mins last night and am having so many zero nights that its distressing. I still have so many visual issues (Sunlight is too bright, TV is too bright) still have akasthia and not sure if I can hang on to my job. is it possible I was already very low on Gaba and I finished the job with my short term Benzo use? I had otherworldly panic when i jumped off and somehow pushed through to here. Could my use of every possible supplement after I dropped off fried my brain? ( ZZZquil, Melatonin, CBD, Various herbs)  I just cant tell if its getting any better and struggling with so many regrets on how I got here...any encouragement would be appreciated...I'm thinking about trying reinstatement daily but I know that's not the best option...

[[Buddie]]

I wrote a long post on what each type of meds/herbs/supplements can do. Then I realized that whether or not a particular supplement can fry your brain is probably not what your asking.

You want to know if you will be ok.

It sounds like you are in acute still. If that is the case than, I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that everything you wrote is normal. I promise. You are in the same boat as so many of us. I would not mess with the supplements. I would wait out of acute.

No matter how hard we got hit we are all in the worst pain we have ever experienced.
Survive long enough to live. Get past the worse and you will make it through. It is very rare if someone sees absolutely no improvement. If they do they do not post much. We just don't know how long. It comes down to when.

Some people acute last for weeks, others months. Sometime it just slowly gets better.

Whether or not you should reinstate depends if the possible benefits outway the risks.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks girl,
Trying to stay positive...we will get through this. Also dealing with crazy out of body Dp/DR...insane that a few doses of Klon could cause this..thanks for the input! Don't think I'm reinstating at this point since I don't even think things would clear up..

[[Buddie]]

Dont reinstate [...], imo it'll only make things worse in the long term. Im the same with sleep, hardly any for months so i know how you feel. I took some rescue doses but it  has only prolonged the wd, i wish i hadnt but was desparate at the time. Ive been taking 2- 4 mg of meletonin now for the past 4 nights and it has help me get some sleep, about 4 hours broken, maybe a bit more, at least its something. Im hoping this will i prove over time, its abdominal pain that keeps me awake.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks girl,
Trying to stay positive...we will get through this. Also dealing with crazy out of body Dp/DR...insane that a few doses of Klon could cause this..thanks for the input! Don't think I'm reinstating at this point since I don't even think things would clear up..

I'm sorry you got the awful DP/DR too. It is other worldly. Staying positive is a job itself. You won't always be so. But you have to strive for it anyway. I have a hope folder that I put others words in to help me. Sometimes it helps.

Something that stuck with me is some words a healed girl said.
I can't remember the the exact words but it was something like:
I would say that I got this through on hope, but I'd be lying. There was times there was no hope. I got through on spite. She said things to herself like make it through a year and you can punch the creator of this drug.

I told myself make it six months. I repeated Make it til May I set a goal, so when in times I did not have hope, I still had a reason to push on.

There will be times you will not have hope. Be ready for that. But it will pass. And you will find hope again. Posting for support is great.

[[Buddie]]

I just cant tell if its getting any better and struggling with so many regrets on how I got here...any encouragement would be appreciated...I'm thinking about trying reinstatement daily but I know that's not the best option...

Hi CA, taking this drug was the worst thing I did in my life. I should have waited for the sleep to come back. As you see in my signature, I too was initially exposed to it for a short time (10 days). Unfortunately, via a seizure, my body told me to taper. I wish I had made it clear of that and just gone through the symptoms you have so my recovery could be completed without the drug, but it is what it is. Stay strong.   

[[Buddie]]

CAO,
You got some good advice here. (Nice posting BTW Stitch)
After 6 doses of K.....if it were me there is no way in hell I would go back on!!!! I know the acute sucks, and  it really does. But those things will go away. The no sleep seems like it's not possible....but it is. It is beyond awful, but it is survivable!
Just keep going ok.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks, its just tough cause looking back I was definitely dependant and had bad symptoms after dropping off but I fought through.i feel like I'm feeling the after affects of that due to not tapering a bit slower

[[Buddie]]

Given how dependent you were in such a short time I don't think it would have made a difference if you'd have tapered lower.  I've watched some members taper all the way to zero and suffer like you are, its terrible and unfair but I'm telling you this in the hope you'll stop doing 'what if', or beating yourself up for your choices.

I used to white knuckle through every second and I can see that's what you're doing too.  Reinstating was never an option for me, I guess I never put it together in my head that it would take away the pain, I'm kind of glad I didn't know very much about all of this when I quit because from what I've read here, its not a sure thing, sometimes we can't go home.   

[[Buddie]]

Thanks Everyone...I'm hanging on and strangely optimisic today. I believe I'll keep improving. Will keep you posted on how things go