I wish I was here to write my success story and never thought I'd still be here at this far off considering I only used xanax for 5 months but here I am.
I think I would have been doing so much better had I not had an AB setback at this time last year. Also, being in perimenopause has been a nightmare for me. My mom had a difficult time with it too and she never had the benzo stuff on top of it. I get a cycle every three weeks so it's never enough time for hormones to stabilize and it is brutal. I also suffered another setback from drinking mineral water with artificial sugar and then abruptly stopping.
I see more setbacks in the future as my three older kids who have been my main support system are leaving for college all in the next few months. They are all I have and I am a single mom. I am still unable to work and have no idea how to support myself or my remaining kiddo at home. I have heard stress can cause setbacks as well and I don't know how to avoid this.
Having said all of this, there are improvements. Sleep, DP/DR, depression, anxiety, psychosis, weakness, vision have all gotten better despite the setbacks. I see little glimpses of me coming back and have even been able to watch tv here and there or enjoy a movie with my kids once in a while. I did have 6 weeks of stability a few months ago where I had no acute symptoms and was able to go to bed normal and wake up normal instead of being afraid. I've never had that before. But then, it was gone.
I'm in a phase now where I am cycling through acute symptoms. Every day it's a version of acute in some form. I feel so ill and metabolically sick. I have seen all the specialists this year from my GP to endocrine to rheumatology to OB/GYN and the last one will be nuero. I have a naturopath very familiar with benzo damage and he has run every test as well. Even my gut test came back really well. I know I have low thyroid/Hashimoto's and am in perimenopause but other than that, all seems to check out.
It's amazing to me to have gone from complete and total health to medical waste in 5 months time.
I'll keep going and keep trying and I hope you all do too.
I still have hope somewhere deep down inside that things can turn around for me. I'm not on here much anymore as it does not serve me well but am grateful for this site.
