17 months off Benzo

I am about to make it to 17 months off benzo and 14 of alcohol and in all honesty I thought it would be over. But parts of me are still not like before benzo so now I’m wondering if this stuff will ever go away. Visual floaters, feeling off, intrusive thoughts, some muscle tension and just anxiety. I was applying to go to work and got hired but then the night before I went my mind got to telling me what ifs situation and I tried not to believe them but somehow my brain didn’t want to listen to I couldn’t get to sleep and I ended up not going. Is this what my life has become, sorry for being so down today but this is not one of my good posts. I did see healing happen in some aspects which I’m gradual for but I’m not ready to work and it breaks my heart cause my family and friends expect me to do something. Even I’m expecting to do something and not just watch my life fly by me. People around me are continuing with there life and I’m just here stuck in withdrawal. For what, 2 months of use this is unfair it’s ridiculous and I’m so heartbroken. When will this nightmare ever end, why can’t there just be a rule to this like a spiritual timeline or something where at least you know what you’re fighting for. I’m just trying to fight to survive at this point.

I'm so sorry you weren't able to start that new job, it would be tough feeling like you are.  I hope you'll keep trying to push beyond what you think you're capable of right now because we all need a sense of accomplishment, this process hurts our self-esteem and going to a job would be a huge confidence builder.  Doing this would provide distraction, it would make you feel better about yourself and you would feel better about what your friends and family think.

 

Like I said, I know its hard but maybe next time you can stop the benzo lies from eroding your confidence.