I don't think I can do this

I live with my teenage son who can't take this either, and I'm not in my own country. I have zero support, unless I go back to my home country but that means leaving my son here with his dad. I don't want to leave him.

 

I can't sleep even with mirtazapine, I can't eat, I'm constantly terrified I will choke again or stop breathing or have a seizure, I seem to live in constant fear. My throat feels like it's closing up all the time. I can't go on. In the UK there isn't much mental health help for this. I was in A&E yesterday for hours and they barely helped, I called some helplines but they couldn't do anything either, I'm thinking of checking myself into some facility because I just cannot do this on my own. Does it help?

A detox facility will get you off the drug quickly and safely, this might be a good thing with your fear of your throat closing and seizures, you'd have medical staff close by.  The bad thing is once they release you, you'll face recovery which takes a long time, for most of us its between 12 to 24 months. 

 

 

What sort of recovery? You mean lingering issues?

There is the pain of withdrawal and then there is the pain of recovery, the symptoms are indistinguishable but vary in intensity.  We continue to heal even after the drug has been eliminated.  I quit Klonopin cold turkey and it took 14 months for me to reach full recovery.  Here is a post that members seem to identify with as it helps them understand what stage of recovery they're in.  Four Phases of Withdrawal-Where Are You?

Thanks so much for the link. The problem is that I'm feeling awful and I'm only still tapering. I think I've been tapering too quickly, as at first I did it by myself by taking half the dose, and then my psych making my cuts too big. Another issue is that I don't immediately feel unwell, it takes me weeks the feel the brunt of lowering the dose. Now I feel unwell even when I take it.

 

So with that said, if I'm feeling like during my taper I can't even imagine how I would feel after I jump. And how is the recovery and withdrawal different if done in a detox facility vs at home?

That's interesting you don't feel the symptoms from a reduction sooner since you're taking Alprazolam but I can see how that would be tough to know what to cut by the next time.  What is your taper rate?

 

In a detox facility they may administer comfort medications which of course you'll most likely have to taper from at some point, they'll pronounce you benzo free and send you packing to suffer at home for the duration of your recovery.  Most of the members I've spoken to here have gotten home, reinstated and done a slow taper on their own with our help.  I've only read one member who said they were happy with their experience, for everyone else its a painful, senseless and expensive experience.

Isn't a detox facility bad because they do a rapid taper? @pamster Or has OP been on alprazolam short enough that a rapid taper is the best option?

So this is the taper the psych wrote for me:

 

Week 1-2 - 0,5mg and 0,375mg on alternate days

 

Week 3-4 - 0,375mg

 

Week 5-6 - 0,25 mg

 

Week 7-8 - 0,125mg

 

Technically I am in the 0.375 week since the 9th of March, however due to my swallowing issues I've been on 0.25 for the past 2 days. I've been told by some members here my cuts are too big. The thing is that I didn't start to feel unwell on the 0.375 until my chocking incident, where I also happened to take 0.25 by mistake.

 

Is that possible to see a different taper schedule, a slower one? I'm not good at working out percentages.

Isn't a detox facility bad because they do a rapid taper? @pamster Or has OP been on alprazolam short enough that a rapid taper is the best option?

 

I'm not advocating for a detox facility or a rapid taper, I think its a barbaric solution to benzo withdrawal.

So this is the taper the psych wrote for me:

 

Week 1-2 - 0,5mg and 0,375mg on alternate days

 

Week 3-4 - 0,375mg

 

Week 5-6 - 0,25 mg

 

Week 7-8 - 0,125mg

 

Technically I am in the 0.375 week since the 9th of March, however due to my swallowing issues I've been on 0.25 for the past 2 days. I've been told by some members here my cuts are too big. The thing is that I didn't start to feel unwell on the 0.375 until my chocking incident, where I also happened to take 0.25 by mistake.

 

Is that possible to see a different taper schedule, a slower one? I'm not good at working out percentages.

 

Have you asked for taper help on the taper board, if not that would be a good place to get a plan figured out because the one you're using doesn't appear to be working for you. http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0

Hi Redvi. Look, I've read through this thread of messages and i can see you are struggling with your taper. As you are in the UK you could make contact with a support group called PostScript360. They offer a shoulder to lean on and can talk to you about your taper programme and provide a taper to suit you. You'll find them easy enough on the web. I hope you get the support you need.

I ve read just about every post I could find on detoxing in a facility  - more on the reddit benzo boards which seems to have more people who use xanax recreationally - and like street bars! 4 mg at a time (!)  - because I considered going to detox myself as I wanted to do it as quickly as possible. I can summarize what I read: it was not well understood, the nature of benzos, by most facilities. they treated it like alcohol and opioids. Many people still had seizures and big time neuro  events,  the only benefit was someone was there to assist. Then, many of these patients ended up on multiple drugs and sent home to still suffer only now with more psychotropic meds. I feel for you  - its a difficult situation with your family and host country, but if it is possible, try to find a doctor to help you outpatient. good luck!

Maybe hold at your current dose and stabilize.

That seems like a very fast taper for Xanax.

Hi Redvi. Look, I've read through this thread of messages and i can see you are struggling with your taper. As you are in the UK you could make contact with a support group called PostScript360. They offer a shoulder to lean on and can talk to you about your taper programme and provide a taper to suit you. You'll find them easy enough on the web. I hope you get the support you need.

 

Thanks so much for advising me this charity,I called them in the morning and I have a phone appointment for tomorrow.

 

Thanks to everyone else for replying. I spoke to my GP this morning and he suggested, since I've been feeling terribly, to go back to 0.50. Is that a good idea? Funny thing is that like I wrote before 0.375 actually worked for me for 2 weeks. I was doing rather well, or so it seemed. It makes more sense to feel unwell at the beginning of cutting a dose, with a benzo like alprazolam...

I'd wait until your phone appointment tomorrow before making any decisions to updose if you can hold out that long.

That's what I did. I have xanax drops now, so I just stayed with 0.375. Tapering should be easier now, I hope. I can make smaller cuts.

Something to be aware of, some members will feel a difference when going from dry to liquid tapering so it's best to not reduce right away because your body may see the change as a reduction.

 

Did you get instructions on how to dose the Xanax?

 

So with that said, if I'm feeling like during my taper I can't even imagine how I would feel after I jump.

 

Hello, I am new here as well and am currently tapering clonopin.  My only comment about what you wrote is perhaps think about what you are doing today and maybe tomorrow.  Deal with the effects of the jump when that happens.  I have learned in life to break down challenges to what is manageable today.  The anticipation of what may or may not happen down the line could cause stress.  Sure, it is great to have long term goals and a game plan.  But when we put too much on our plate, especially future events that we can not predict or control, it sometimes causes our plates to overfill.  Hope this makes sense. 

 

Many years ago I started to restore a classic car.  I was 1/4 of the way through and felt bombarded.  I had been working on the car for many years.  A wise friend told me to focus on the tasks at hand for the week....set a small goal and accomplish it.....then make another goal.  I was thinking of how I would finish the entire project and it was overwhelming.  When I decided to, for example, just get the front grill installed this week, and then Friday came and it was in, I saw it as a big win.  The whole scope of the restoration no longer phased me. 

 

So with that said, if I'm feeling like during my taper I can't even imagine how I would feel after I jump.

 

Hello, I am new here as well and am currently tapering clonopin.  My only comment about what you wrote is perhaps think about what you are doing today and maybe tomorrow.  Deal with the effects of the jump when that happens.  I have learned in life to break down challenges to what is manageable today.  The anticipation of what may or may not happen down the line could cause stress.  Sure, it is great to have long term goals and a game plan.  But when we put too much on our plate, especially future events that we can not predict or control, it sometimes causes our plates to overfill.  Hope this makes sense. 

 

Many years ago I started to restore a classic car.  I was 1/4 of the way through and felt bombarded.  I had been working on the car for many years.  A wise friend told me to focus on the tasks at hand for the week....set a small goal and accomplish it.....then make another goal.  I was thinking of how I would finish the entire project and it was overwhelming.  When I decided to, for example, just get the front grill installed this week, and then Friday came and it was in, I saw it as a big win.  The whole scope of the restoration no longer phased me.

 

Eat that elephant one bite at a time, great advice! 

redvi,

I am tapering off Xanax as well.  Your taper has been very fast.  When I went too quickly, I had to stop tapering and held for nearly five and a half months and am now tapering at a turtles pace.  You may want to think about holding as an option to give your CNS a chance to catch up to the cuts that have accumulated over time.  I wish you the best!

Hello Redvi. How did your call with Postscript360 go? I hope it went well and you found it helpful. Have they advise you stay on Xanax during your taper or have they suggested you switched you over diazepam? Also, will your GP be supportive with provision of your prescriptions?

So far we only had a discussion and they will let me know further. First you need to triage. My GP suggested I go back to 0.50 and stay there until I feel stable. Unfortunately I did taper off way too quickly and I'm really suffering now. I don't know what to do.

redvi, exactly how much xanax are you still taking right now? What did you start taking it for? Sometimes, you can switch over to klonopin and stabilize from the short half-life xanax. I did this many, many years ago and it worked.....something you might wish to consider.