Author Topic: Anxiety--depression---cant think straight---How does anyone get through this?!!  (Read 3707 times)

[Buddie]

Everyday is worse and worse. Today is unbearable. I stayed in bed---couldnt get out to even walk around. I had to go to the bathroom and actually put it off as long as possible, because I had to much anxiety to get out of bed and walk there. If there was a cure on the neighbors front porch, I think Id have to much anxiety to go there!!---I cant function at all, suddenly---its getting much worse---why??

I thought I fixed things for the better-----I'm drinking almost no caffeine---( 1/4 teaspoon of instant a day---just when I first get up) ---Ive been off alcohol---not a drop since Dec. 12th---will be a month in 6 days!!----Im eating as good as I can under the circumstances---and staying away from supplements for now, as they all make me maniacal with anxiety....I mean, ALL of them. It took everything I had to even be able to get on the computer and type this. Trying to exercise---which makes me worse, but I have to move somewhat---it is hard to even concentrate on the exercise. Im too old to do no form of exercise ( 54)---so I try to break it up over an entire day, so as not to rev myself---even that doesnt work---it hurts!!

Im soooo close to taking the benzos again----and I know if I do, my hell will be worse----but I dont have the strength to do this. I am CRAZED WITH ANXIETY from the second I open my eyes in the morning to the second i go to sleep. I dont even have 5 minutes of relief---I swear to you---no relief at all, not even brief. Why am I worse??----How can I do this??---How did you all do it??---I have a bad reaction to absolutely anything I eat too---rice, potato, oatmeal, toast---anything----I rev afterwards. I tried staying away from carbs---I still rev---BUT???---- If I eat nothing at all???---I swear to God, I feel a little better---the hungrier I am the less shaky and incoherent I feel-----but if I even have just a glass of rice milk and I rev. One hardboiled egg and I rev----What the heck can I do???---If I could climb into a hole I would but Im still breathing---how am I supposed to get through this???!!!
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[Buddie]

Hi [...],

I am so sorry that you are suffering so badly!! You are still very early into your withdrawal, and I would think most likely in the acute phase of it. I felt the same as you when I first stopped and after about week 5, things started to lift a little for me. I also had a horrible time eating, and ended up losing a lot of weight. One thing that seemed to help me was oatmeal. I would use the instant packages with hot water and they were very soothing on my stomach. Hang on, each day that goes by brings you that much closer to healing. Even when you are feeling bad, your body is healing!! I really believe that you will feel better soon!

Love,
birdie

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

We've been there, and I'm so sorry you are going through this now. No one will understand other than those of us who have been on this potholed road. IT WILL GET BETTER.  I don't know if you tapered or not -- I didn't -- but it sounds to me as if you are in the grips of the hardest part of withdrawal. I hope you do not reinstate the benzo. I didn't eat, sleep and couldn't walk. And take empowerment from not drinking! For me, the phase you are in went on for days, BUT SUBSIDED.

What you are doing is the best thing you can do for yourself. Don't worry about lying around in bed, don't worry about the physical symptoms. It's frightening, I know, but every hour that passes is one more hour towards getting better, every five minutes that passes is five minutes closer towards healing. I couldn't think, type, and the sheer act of going to the bathroom was like climbing a mountain.

Hollow words? I thought so when I was in acute withdrawal, too, but it DID GET BETTER. YOU WILL GET BETTER. IT JUST TAKES TIME. And I know it hurts.

Do you have any support there? Is someone checking in with you?
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Well, to be honest??--- I have absolutely NO SUPPORT. I c ouldnt have less. Everyone who knows me just shakes their head at me---they dont believe me.---its that simple. I have lost friends in droves---absolutely no one understands. My brother understands but does NOT believe I am in withdrawal. He thinks that the fact Im like this is proof that I NERED the medicine, which, he says, is why the doctor prescribed it for me. Thing is??---Why??---Why would I have put myself through the last few years if the meds were needed and working??---think about it---why??

My situation I have spoken of, but I first tried cold turkey 4 years back---3 months---nightmare----I went back on. Tried 20 doctors---yes 20, in the interim since then---they were all horrid---awful---unschooled in withdrawal, and were a detriment, not a help. I did various cold turkeys that lasted until I gave in since I first tried to quit 4 years ago. I quit celexa, ritalin, wellbutrin, and Lamictal all in a row over a few months---and then ran into the Benzos. I couldnt get off them---not even close.

So, I went to a detox and cold turkeyed there in November 2009. I still couldnt stay completely off, and would take a small piece every few days but finally this past May, I decided to drink as a replacement for the benzos. As a result, I was able to get off the benzos for good in May, but was drinking 12 beersb a day since May. I just quit the beers on Dec. 12th-----so I am off everything since Dec 12th, and it's the worst I have felt in a very, VERY long time. I feel like I did when I first went cold turkey---this is a horror.

I wish I did have support---someone to talk to, who would googld Benzo addiction and read up on it, instead of judging me as a hypochondriac, and a weak person who simply is scared of life. I am not scared of a thing---I just cant do anything. I cant answer phone calls---I cant cook---I cant go to the store---I cant follow a movie and it goes on and on. Im very tired---and it's been 4 years since I first started trying to quit and here I am---4 full years later---at square one. Im tired---and have no hope, and nobody AT ALL to help. I cant date---I cant do a thing---and I am 54 and the days keep passing with me in bed.I am on disability from work---THANK GOD !!----I cant work anymore---darn it, I cant even go out to eat.

How long will this go on like this---I cant physically take it!!---I cant function---and am feeling worse every day. Is it alcohol withdrawal too now??---Im almost off a month, and dont really want to drink, since I cant think straight all day anyway---so I dont need the alcohol to do that.Heck---I dont know---but thank you guys for saying hi---just knowing you're out there is help for me---I appreciate it !!
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Hi [...],

Hey, could you add a signature line, that way you won't have to explain your circumstances to those who aren't familiar with your story.  Here are some instructions.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=9432.0

I don't think it's alcohol withdrawal anymore, it's the benzo's.  You must stick this out, this is the only way you're going to be free from this.  I know it hurts, we all do, but please don't give up, try to come here more often and talk to us. 
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[Buddie]

hello

sorry you are suffering like this

what helped me get through it was distraction . any sort of distraction to take my mind off of this

m
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Hello


Never give up!


TK
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Sorry you are suffering so much - I too have anxiety morning till night and don't know what to do.  I can barely move off my couch to do anything - even take a shower.  Can you copy some of the info about benzos and give it to your family to read.  Or tell then about Benzobuddies?  I did that with my children so they would know what I am going through.  It is very hard to suffer this much and not be believed.  I am still in the throes of this withdrawal/recovery period and am getting so down about it.  We are all here for you - come back and talk to us often, like [...] says.
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...],

I would highly suggest you look into Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.  Sorry to say, but you're an addict.  At AA or NA, you will find a ton of loving support, people who take you seriously, and nobody telling you that you're exaggerating.

Unfortunately, you are dealing with more than just benzo withdrawals.  You're dealing with alcohol and caffeine withdrawals. To do all three at once is a Herculean task.  It's wonderful that you are a month clean.  Go get the support you need.

I speak from experience.  I go to NA regularly (I have many demons.  Not just benzos).

--[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

[...],

I would highly suggest you look into Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.  Sorry to say, but you're an addict.  At AA or NA, you will find a ton of loving support, people who take you seriously, and nobody telling you that you're exaggerating.

Unfortunately, you are dealing with more than just benzo withdrawals.  You're dealing with alcohol and caffeine withdrawals. To do all three at once is a Herculean task.  It's wonderful that you are a month clean.  Go get the support you need.

I speak from experience.  I go to NA regularly (I have many demons.  Not just benzos).

--[...]

Hi [...],

Since you're a member of N/A, you know that no one can put this label on someone else, we must come to this realization for ourselves.  Whether [...] is or isn't an addict is not something we care about here, we don't judge, nor do we label.  Please take care to keep your opinions in this matter to yourself.
Thanks,

[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.