Greetings, my fellow warriors!
Tonight marks the end of 18 months of taper and the beginning of recovery. I have been on benzo for several years for backache and related stress. It was helpful for a few months, but then things went downhill. I developed symptoms I didn't have before ( familiar?) benzos, such as severe anxiety, rage, depression, and poor decision-making. I didn't know what was wrong with me, so I went from doctor to doctor ( the beginning of my nightmare) to figure out what was happening to me, but they only threw more prescriptions at me and blamed everything but benzo. Like many of you, I believed them and followed their advice until two years ago when I had enough of it. I stumbled on this site while searching for clues, and here I found all the answers. Thank God. What a relief that was.
Anyway, the last 18 months have been hellish. Most of you know this from experience. But in addition to the severe withdrawal, my wife and I had a premature babe with many health challenges, including a cancer diagnosis which exacerbated my condition. But I continued with my taper plan since halting wouldn't make life any easier.
The hardest part of all this is not what benzo has done to me but my young family. My wife of 3 years had enough of me. She wants to leave me. Yes. All she has known is me, the benzo victim. She no longer sees the light at the end of the tunnel. She believes I am this asshole because I chose to be or I am crazy. I pleaded with her to give me a few more months, and things will get better, but she is not yet convinced. I don't blame her. She has been through a lot, and I am no help.
Despite all of this, I am still celebrating this night because it is a milestone for me, and I know things will get better eventually. Never give up hope and march forward. I guess that is my message here.
