Terrifying compulsive/intrusive thoughts. Crippling fear.

[[Buddie]]

Hello,

I cold Turkeyed from klonopin 2 months ago, from .50 mg to 1mg every day for 2 months.
I thought I was getting better at the end of month 1 only to have a massive flare of mental symptoms.
I am suffering mightily from extremely grueling and terrifying intrusive thoughts every second of the day. It just feels like I have lost total control of my brain and it’s just generating these incredibly nasty horrifying images… there is also a tint of compulsiveness to the thoughts.. I am extremely afraid of knives and have to hide them when I am by myself. It’s so bad that I can’t sit in my kitchen with other family members but I’m too fearful and embarrassed to ask them to hide them because I don’t want to spook them out. I feel like I’m in a prison mentally. I had many many physical symptoms early on during my cold Turkey but these mental symptoms are taking hold more potently.

Is there any soul out there that is experiencing anything similar? I just need anyone to reassure me that this is normal and that it’s part of the healing process.

Any help is welcomed and would greatly be appreciated by someone in total agony at the moment.

Thank you guys & god bless all of you

[[Buddie]]

I'm not in total agony but oh my, anxiety and withdrawl can cause those nasty intrusive thoughts and images - I had them too.  And no, you aren't crazy.  This very issue came up on a thread here within the last couple of weeks.  I tell myself that my brain is lying to me and that seems to help somewhat but distraction is my biggest weapon and the slogan "Move a muscle, change a thought" is pertinent here.  Get up and clean out a closet, go for a walk, straighten some drawers, cook a meal, do some laundry - in other words get busy.  It sounds like grunt work but it serves the purpose. 

[[Buddie]]

[...] - sorry about the time you're going through. Went through similar issues during my recovery. I agree with [...] - this is all part of it. Distraction is indeed the best method to point your mind's attention and focus on to something else. Intrusive thoughts are just that -- thoughts - and for now, they don't always represent real. Flow those thoughts through and out. You're going to be OK!

[[Buddie]]

Hello, thanks for your response.

I try to move as much as I possibly can but I also have a job where I’m staring into a computer for 8 hours and it doesn’t really allow my brain to be distracted for too long.
I’m wondering is caffeine has something to with these sorts of flare ups. For instance, this morning I was doing fine until I had that cup of coffee. Things got dark promptly after. That was a mistake. I felt sluggish and wanted to focus on work.

[[Buddie]]

Its good you're looking for answers in your routine, you may be on to something with the caffeine, if things settle down maybe you could do an experiment or just stay away from it for awhile.  I had to quit drinking coffee for awhile after my cold turkey.

[[Buddie]]

I had this bad. Intrusive SI on repeat 24/7. Try to distract, and try to accept them, and wash over you. It's easier said than done, but fighting them just makes them worse. And yes it was probably the coffee, anything that can stimulate your brain when it's in this fragile state can make things worse. Just know it will pass just as your physical symptoms have