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Hello all. Just a little over 3 months post jump. My main symptoms are tingling all over my body and ringing in my ears. Sometimes I have burning but my biggest issue is the tingling, especially in my head.

 

I am trying to look forward but still question if I screwed up my taper somewhere. I know doing the liquid approach is more art than science and tried to do it thoroughly and honestly thought at this point I would be trending upward. I feel at this point I should have jumped instead of doing a year taper the way I feel right now because I am not sure how the taper helped me.

 

Also fighting fears that "it will always be this way". I appreciate all of the feedback and positive thoughts and comments sent my way. This royally sucks!

 

I was talking to a pharmacist today and she said "you did a year taper", wow. And I told her I was 3 months off and still feeling symptoms. She said that was not ordinary....

 

seeking

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Seeking -

 

I am sorry to hear you are still suffering so much. Truly.

 

I still don't think you did anything wrong, or messed up your taper, or tapered for too long. I think it's just crappy luck that this misery is lasting as long as it is.

 

The doctors and pharmacists think all of our reactions are "unusual" because I think, statistically, they are. Those of us who experience severe benzo w/d/injury are in the minority. I've had to educate so many people about it, including therapists. The literature is out there, but it's still not widespread.

 

Please try to stop blaming yourself. It might help to talk to a benzo coach like Jennifer Leigh. I have had a few sessions with her and I like her. The only reason I suggest this is because she has met literally hundreds (if not thousands) or clients who have gone through awful withdrawals, and I believe she could confirm that you did nothing wrong. She might even have some helpful/encouraging advice.

 

Also, I go weekly for cranial sacral therapy and I think it's helping with my headaches and head issues. It might be something non-pharmaceutical to explore.

 

Just a thought or two. Sending you lots of care, Seeking.

 

Openroad  :mybuddy:

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Thanks. I think I will have a session with her.

 

Much appreciated. Sending positive thought’s your way.

 

 

Seeking -

 

I am sorry to hear you are still suffering so much. Truly.

 

I still don't think you did anything wrong, or messed up your taper, or tapered for too long. I think it's just crappy luck that this misery is lasting as long as it is.

 

The doctors and pharmacists think all of our reactions are "unusual" because I think, statistically, they are. Those of us who experience severe benzo w/d/injury are in the minority. I've had to educate so many people about it, including therapists. The literature is out there, but it's still not widespread.

 

Please try to stop blaming yourself. It might help to talk to a benzo coach like Jennifer Leigh. I have had a few sessions with her and I like her. The only reason I suggest this is because she has met literally hundreds (if not thousands) or clients who have gone through awful withdrawals, and I believe she could confirm that you did nothing wrong. She might even have some helpful/encouraging advice.

 

Also, I go weekly for cranial sacral therapy and I think it's helping with my headaches and head issues. It might be something non-pharmaceutical to explore.

 

Just a thought or two. Sending you lots of care, Seeking.

 

Openroad  :mybuddy:

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Hello all. I am coming up to 3 1/2 months off of klonopin this Sunday. My symptoms remain constant with the tingling in my head mainly and my body and the ringing. I have seen glimpses of improvement then I feel like I take a step backward. Sleep is fine with the Remeron at 7.5 mg and 15 mg of melatonin (down from 20 mg).

 

I am struggling with taking the Remeron. Part of my brain believes it could be impacting my healing. I started tapering 2 weeks ago and shot for 10% a week. That did not work (bad decision on my part), and I am going to try 7%. The other part of my brain is telling me my CNS is still in overdrive and to just hold at 7.5 mg for another 3 months to try to stabilize my CNS. I soooo want to be off all drugs.

 

The challenge I face like many others is what to do.

 

I still wonder if my tingling as noted before was part of my taper process or jumping at the dose I thought I was at via liquid taper (0.0425 mg), or as others have noted it is a very common symptom and this is the symptom I have post jump. I try not to focus to much but still play what if.

 

My thoughts are with all the buddies and where you are at in your journey. Just have to keep going and plugging away.

 

Seeking.

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The Remeron won't affect your healing. No need to push it. I came off 90 mgs after my detox with no problem, but I waited many months before doing it
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[b3...]
Seeking, thank you for posting your update.  While I'm happy to hear that you are having *some* glimpses of improvement, I'm sorry to hear that you have not made more progress 3 1/2 months off.  I can imagine that it feels frustrating to not see more success at this point. Please keep talking and posting so that we can support you.
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I'm with Keagan. I don't think the Remeron is affecting your healing. I am learning more and more that, for many of us, our w/d symptoms are related to excess amounts of histamine, which are released during benzo withdrawal. Mirtazapine is an antihistamine. If you try to pull out the mirtazapine now before you get the w/d sxs under control, it could make things worse.

 

Two things I am finding helpful:

Taking DAO.

Hydrating A LOT.

 

Did you make an appt with Dr. Jenn?

 

Are you getting support in any way off the forum?

 

Thoughts are with you, Seeking. I hope this starts to resolve soon!

 

And please stop doubting yourself.

 

:mybuddy:

 

Openroad

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Seeking, thank you for posting your update.  While I'm happy to hear that you are having *some* glimpses of improvement, I'm sorry to hear that you have not made more progress 3 1/2 months off.  I can imagine that it feels frustrating to not see more success at this point. Please keep talking and posting so that we can support you.

 

Thanks. It is very frustrating. Still caught up in my loop of questioning my end taper approach. Hoping in time it will improve. I am keeping up with your progress as well. I can see it has waxed and waned for you but I know it will improve. You have come so far!! The end is near for you...congrats!!!

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I'm with Keagan. I don't think the Remeron is affecting your healing. I am learning more and more that, for many of us, our w/d symptoms are related to excess amounts of histamine, which are released during benzo withdrawal. Mirtazapine is an antihistamine. If you try to pull out the mirtazapine now before you get the w/d sxs under control, it could make things worse.

 

Two things I am finding helpful:

Taking DAO.

Hydrating A LOT.

 

Did you make an appt with Dr. Jenn?

 

Are you getting support in any way off the forum?

 

Thoughts are with you, Seeking. I hope this starts to resolve soon!

 

And please stop doubting yourself.

 

:mybuddy:

 

Openroad

 

Openroad you could be right. Being on the remeron is love/hate with me right now. I keep trying to tell myself it has not even been 4 months off K yet. I was on K end to end 17 months (plus Z drugs, ambien, lunesta) and am trying to be realistic that it will take longer than 4 months to heal from that time on K.

 

Part of me thinks I need to know my baseline symptoms wise. As you noted w/d remeron now while my CNS is so sensitive could amp up my symptoms. I am just so done with drugs.

 

What brand DAO do you take. I hydrate pretty well but could do more. Have not made the appt yet. I was searching my insurance provider list first to see if anyone is versed...not looking like anyone is.

 

No real support outside the forum. My spouse is pretty much done with the process and I can understand after awhile it gets old.

 

My biggest issue is my head....the tingling on top of ear ringing is so challenging. Thoughts with you and your progress as well!!!!

 

Yes still challenged with doubt. I way over analyze too much. I keep wondering if I had went the dry taper method or slowed down or tapered down would I be having this head tingling..althought I understand it is a very common symptom. How is your taper progressing?

 

seeking

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Seeking,

 

I use the brand Omne Diem for DAO. I take one before each meal, 3X/day. I drink a lot of coconut water for hydration. That seems to help my w/d headaches a lot.

 

I am doing ok. Slowly decreasing and having some neuro sxs, but much better than before. Functional and working and living. We'll see how things go as I get down lower. I don't post too often b/c I'm a little on the private side, but I'm doing ok and trying to take it one day at a time.

 

No one inside your insurance network (and hardly anywhere) will have seen the same amount of folks that Dr. Jenn has seen who have suffered this w/d malady. That's the reason I am recommending her. I just want you to talk to someone who is an expert in this so she can tell you that you did nothing wrong. Because you're really struggling to believe that is true and it pains me to see this.

 

(It can take a month to get in to see her, FYI - think about it - maybe just once?)

 

If you want to take on a mindfulness practice, consider naming the voice inside your head that keeps telling you that you messed up. You could call it anything. From a Buddhist perspective, you can call it simply "Doubt." When it arises, name it. Then greet it: "Hi Doubt. I see you, Doubt." Understand that it's only trying to help you and that it doesn't know any better way than to send you into this painful cycle of rumination. You can even thank it for its help. And then direct your attention elsewhere.

 

This doubt is not you. This rumination is not you. It's just a symptom of w/d.

 

You did not cause this, Seeking. You did not cause this. You did not cause this.

 

Big hug to you,

Openroad

 

 

 

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[b3...]

 

Thanks. It is very frustrating. Still caught up in my loop of questioning my end taper approach. Hoping in time it will improve. I am keeping up with your progress as well. I can see it has waxed and waned for you but I know it will improve. You have come so far!! The end is near for you...congrats!!!

 

It will improve for you, seeking.  I hope that you can see that time will heal you. 

 

One of the many hard things about this process is the amount of time and patience it demands. Everything seems to take longer than we hope and expect, doesn't it?

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Seeking,

 

I use the brand Omne Diem for DAO. I take one before each meal, 3X/day. I drink a lot of coconut water for hydration. That seems to help my w/d headaches a lot.

 

I am doing ok. Slowly decreasing and having some neuro sxs, but much better than before. Functional and working and living. We'll see how things go as I get down lower. I don't post too often b/c I'm a little on the private side, but I'm doing ok and trying to take it one day at a time.

 

No one inside your insurance network (and hardly anywhere) will have seen the same amount of folks that Dr. Jenn has seen who have suffered this w/d malady. That's the reason I am recommending her. I just want you to talk to someone who is an expert in this so she can tell you that you did nothing wrong. Because you're really struggling to believe that is true and it pains me to see this.

 

(It can take a month to get in to see her, FYI - think about it - maybe just once?)

 

If you want to take on a mindfulness practice, consider naming the voice inside your head that keeps telling you that you messed up. You could call it anything. From a Buddhist perspective, you can call it simply "Doubt." When it arises, name it. Then greet it: "Hi Doubt. I see you, Doubt." Understand that it's only trying to help you and that it doesn't know any better way than to send you into this painful cycle of rumination. You can even thank it for its help. And then direct your attention elsewhere.

 

This doubt is not you. This rumination is not you. It's just a symptom of w/d.

 

You did not cause this, Seeking. You did not cause this. You did not cause this.

 

Big hug to you,

Openroad

 

Very kind words. Your support is very much appreciated.

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Thanks. It is very frustrating. Still caught up in my loop of questioning my end taper approach. Hoping in time it will improve. I am keeping up with your progress as well. I can see it has waxed and waned for you but I know it will improve. You have come so far!! The end is near for you...congrats!!!

 

It will improve for you, seeking.  I hope that you can see that time will heal you. 

 

One of the many hard things about this process is the amount of time and patience it demands. Everything seems to take longer than we hope and expect, doesn't it?

 

Words so true. Yes it does. Is today your big day!! Your feedback and support means so much too.

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I'm with Keagan. I don't think the Remeron is affecting your healing. I am learning more and more that, for many of us, our w/d symptoms are related to excess amounts of histamine, which are released during benzo withdrawal. Mirtazapine is an antihistamine. If you try to pull out the mirtazapine now before you get the w/d sxs under control, it could make things worse.

 

Two things I am finding helpful:

Taking DAO.

Hydrating A LOT.

 

Did you make an appt with Dr. Jenn?

 

Are you getting support in any way off the forum?

 

Thoughts are with you, Seeking. I hope this starts to resolve soon!

 

And please stop doubting yourself.

 

:mybuddy:

 

Openroad

 

Hi Openroad,

 

Just out of curiosity, can I use Claritin to help with w/d symptoms?

 

I have allergies and have always used Claritin but stopped taking them since maybe December.

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I'm with Keagan. I don't think the Remeron is affecting your healing. I am learning more and more that, for many of us, our w/d symptoms are related to excess amounts of histamine, which are released during benzo withdrawal. Mirtazapine is an antihistamine. If you try to pull out the mirtazapine now before you get the w/d sxs under control, it could make things worse.

 

Two things I am finding helpful:

Taking DAO.

Hydrating A LOT.

 

Did you make an appt with Dr. Jenn?

 

Are you getting support in any way off the forum?

 

Thoughts are with you, Seeking. I hope this starts to resolve soon!

 

And please stop doubting yourself.

 

:mybuddy:

 

Openroad

 

Openroad you could be right. Being on the remeron is love/hate with me right now. I keep trying to tell myself it has not even been 4 months off K yet. I was on K end to end 17 months (plus Z drugs, ambien, lunesta) and am trying to be realistic that it will take longer than 4 months to heal from that time on K.

 

Part of me thinks I need to know my baseline symptoms wise. As you noted w/d remeron now while my CNS is so sensitive could amp up my symptoms. I am just so done with drugs.

 

What brand DAO do you take. I hydrate pretty well but could do more. Have not made the appt yet. I was searching my insurance provider list first to see if anyone is versed...not looking like anyone is.

 

No real support outside the forum. My spouse is pretty much done with the process and I can understand after awhile it gets old.

 

My biggest issue is my head....the tingling on top of ear ringing is so challenging. Thoughts with you and your progress as well!!!!

 

Yes still challenged with doubt. I way over analyze too much. I keep wondering if I had went the dry taper method or slowed down or tapered down would I be having this head tingling..althought I understand it is a very common symptom. How is your taper progressing?

 

seeking

 

Hoping your healing comes quickly.

 

These head xs are very uncomfortable, to say the least.

 

Hang in there

Praying for you.

 

 

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Pixie -

 

Many OTC anti-histamines actually block DAO (ironically), which is our natural histamine blocker, so I would suggest trying DAO first to see if it's helpful with symptoms before bringing back in the anti-histamines, like Claritin.

 

I have not had luck with the traditional anti-histamines, but have had much better luck with DAO.

 

We are all different, of course. That's just been my experience.

 

Openroad

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Pixie -

 

Many OTC anti-histamines actually block DAO (ironically), which is our natural histamine blocker, so I would suggest trying DAO first to see if it's helpful with symptoms before bringing back in the anti-histamines, like Claritin.

 

I have not had luck with the traditional anti-histamines, but have had much better luck with DAO.

 

We are all different, of course. That's just been my experience.

 

Openroad

 

What is DAO??

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Pixie -

 

Many OTC anti-histamines actually block DAO (ironically), which is our natural histamine blocker, so I would suggest trying DAO first to see if it's helpful with symptoms before bringing back in the anti-histamines, like Claritin.

 

I have not had luck with the traditional anti-histamines, but have had much better luck with DAO.

 

We are all different, of course. That's just been my experience.

 

Openroad

 

No worries, I just looked it up. 

But I was reading it only helps to break down histamine that enters your body externally, such as from food or beverages.

Any thoughts on this?

 

Where do you get your DAO from and how much do you take?

Thanx

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Hello all. This weekend will be my 4 month jump anniversary. I have still seen glimpses of healing. My big main symptoms are the tingling and related ear ringing. I seem to keep learning my lesson. I had a slice of a mothers day cake yesterday and can feel the tingling all over today.

 

I decided to pause my remeron tapering and maintain a 7 mg dosage. Sleep is good.

 

Also, I decided to take up openroad's feedback and setup a appointment with Jennifer Leigh. I am fighting lots of anger and still playing the what if losing game.

 

I would be the last one to provide advice but looking back I should have held at 0.0425 mg dosage and if I could not get stable on my homebrew liquid then should have went back to a dry cut method such as Bob7's, stabilized, and then went all the way down and walked off and not jumped.

 

I thought my thinking at the time was rationale when I jumped. I could not get stabilized so I decided the only way to truly know what I was taking was not to be taking the drug.

 

I also keep telling myself that in the end it may not have mattered. I have to stop fighting the I will never know endless loop. I also am telling myself that everyone is different and I took the drug for 17 months so it will take time to heal.

 

Anyway Happy belated Mothers Day to all of the community's Mothers and I have to try to keep plugging away and pushing forward.

 

seeking

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Hey Seeking. Just wanted to say I can relate to you. I liquid tapered K as well, and have been off 9 weeks now. For me the worst symptom is DPDR, along with depression/ anxiety. I have seen no improvement other then I don’t have panic attacks anymore which is great, but the DPDR set in 4 weeks off and hasn’t left for a second. I too keep questioning the end of my taper and if I did something wrong, as I tapered verrrrry slow (2.5 years) and for the most part my taper went okay. The true hell didn’t start until after I jumped. It’s hard to not wonder “what did I do wrong?” But I know that there’s no going back, so trying to just push through for now.

I hope that you feel better really soon ❤️ I’m with you.

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[b3...]

Seeking, I'm so sorry to hear that you are in the "what if" loop.  That's hard.

 

This whole thing is really, really hard and we don't have the benefit of professionals overseeing our withdrawal.  We don't know best practices.  We can't know what will happen post jump or walk.  We are all just doing the best that we can. 

 

It doesn't help that this drug is so unpredictable.  Some people jump off at high doses and are just fine while others walk off and suffer for years. Your plan had a good chance of having a positive outcome! I hope that talking to Jennifer can help you.  Sending you support and virtual hugs.

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