I was put on Valium for muscle spasms, a low dose, after a surgical injury. Terrible recovery, took 1.5 year-ish. Then, I was like ok I’ll stop my meds. Had no idea what lay ahead for me. Figured out it was the benzo withdrawal, so I thought I would taper for a few weeks and be ok. No- I had to taper for a full year. Then I thought withdrawal wouldn’t be too bad. No. It was. Complete torture. I’m a mom, bunch of young kids. I’ve missed SO much of their lives and their childhood. I cannot believe this stuff is given to people every day. I did everything “right” with tapering and recovery. It has taken 34-ish months, and I can say the worst is over. After the two year mark, I started improving quickly. Before that, I hadn’t seen any progress. It was soul crushing. My husband stuck it out with me, my parents, sister, children- all waited for me to improve. It took 2.5 years to feel hopeful. Now, I can say that I believe everyone heals because I’m living it. It took FOREVER.
My head doesn’t hurt every single day. I don’t throw up all of the time, I don’t have neuropathy in my feet, my body doesn’t burn, my gums don’t hurt, I don’t have pelvic pain, I don’t have back spasms, I don’t have muscle spasms all of the time, I don’t have morning panic.
Now- I had a wave a couple of weeks ago! Word to the wise- do NOT try a probiotic that is for “Mood Booster.” I got it off Amazon, and it promised to work in the gut to help me make neurotransmitters. Y’all- I had two weeks of acute while I was taking it before I figured it out!! I stopped the probiotics, and it stopped the next day.
I don’t drink anymore, but I have had a couple of drinks in the last year on special occasions. I was ok.
Occasionally I’ll be a little overstimulated by lots of voices, sounds, and lights in a crowd but I can manage it. I’d say I’m 95% healed. I have always gotten migraines, and when they hit I can feel if benzo withdrawal is making it worse- the pressure feeling. I’d say maybe 3-4 times in the last 4 months I’ve felt head pressure. But it passed quickly.
I wanted my life back, and I’ve got it. Everything from now on will just be icing on the cake. I want to build muscle back. I want to go do things and make up for lost time. I’m closing this chapter of my life and looking forward, without fear of a wave. Small twinges here or there on a bad day might happen, but real “waves” where I can’t leave the house- those are over! I can actually commit to things in advance.
Just keep going! One foot in front of the other. I was SO sick. I was awful at one year out. Two years out! And then, healing started when I wasn’t expecting it. It is the best feeling in the world to know that I made it, I triumphed over this poison. You can too!
God bless, and good luck.
