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This is Enzo.

 

I live in France. Very few of you know or remember who I am. I was active on Benzobuddies from June 15, 2015 until late February 2016. A certain topic I started at the time http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=150741.0, to which I have not digested the answers, finally took me away from the forum in a sudden way.

 

 

The first thing I wish to remind you all is that, against all appearance, there doest exist a healing process within this mess. It does not give much hints about it and much of what we are enduring is evil. Everything seems to indicate that it will just never stop. Yet, this torture is the peculiar form our central nervous system has chosen in order to heal itself. I see it as a fundamental point because we have to hold in complete fog before to reach the stage where signs of improvements, very feeble at first, interspersed with setbacks, finally appear. I also know that our thoughts are sometimes so twisted and that nothing - even what I am writing here – is able to reassure or convince us. The taste of all this is very bitter and terribly discouraging. One is even able to believe that everyone is lying to us and that suffering and death are our sole horizons. Still, I can tell you that when things finally calm down, we begin to be able to see how it all works. We start to analyze symptoms differently. We see how an insane pressure on the central nervous system (making it impossible to handle stress) is responsible for all side symptoms : physical pain, tears, despair, anxiety, etc. Gradually we begin to witness healing (although setbacks still occur for a while).

 

 

 

I really appreciate this description and interpretation of what is going on here. I am so grateful for your success story today. I really needed it. I also appreciate hearing that this can be a long journey. It is difficult to hold on when you think "I should be fine by now".... Anyway,Thank you!!!!

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Thank you Enzo. So very happy for you.

 

Thank you for posting and for sharing what helped you through.

 

"When things finally calm down, we begin to be able to see how it all works."

 

- It's true. It becomes more evident what effects us as we heal. It’s much harder to see that when symptoms are intense. This helps us to take better care of ourselves as we heal.

 

 

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Your words of healing are like music to my ears, and I thank you for your inspirational story.  I celebrated my 23rd month anniversary yesterday, and feel like I am getting closer every day to a final healing!

 

Now go live your life every minute of every day!!!

 

GG

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
It's nice to see someone from France on here! My family is from the southwest near the Pyrenees, and I got to visit there and other parts of France about 20 years ago. Anyway, your words really gave me the mental boost that I've needed lately. My mind has had such a hard time lately coming to terms with the fact that my mental state is temporary and things will be so much better once I'm off this poison. I've been on Valium for 7 years now, and while it bums me out I've been on it that long I've been fighting a war on three fronts. There's the benzo, opiates which I've just come off of (again), and I'm also an addict that chronically relapses on opiates. It really does help to hear from someone who has crossed over to the other side and knows what it feels like to heal from this ordeal, because when you're in the thick of it it's hard to see reality as any different. So thanks for writing this and congrats on all the progress you've made.
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Enzo, I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to write this well thought out and beautifully stated post.  you captured so much of what is true and so difficult about withdrawal. Of course I am very very very happy for you. I am at 5+ years and struggling with a setback, but even so reading what you have written is a big inspiration. Thank you again so very much.
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  • 2 months later...

It's nice to see someone from France on here! My family is from the southwest near the Pyrenees, and I got to visit there and other parts of France about 20 years ago. Anyway, your words really gave me the mental boost that I've needed lately. My mind has had such a hard time lately coming to terms with the fact that my mental state is temporary and things will be so much better once I'm off this poison. I've been on Valium for 7 years now, and while it bums me out I've been on it that long I've been fighting a war on three fronts. There's the benzo, opiates which I've just come off of (again), and I'm also an addict that chronically relapses on opiates. It really does help to hear from someone who has crossed over to the other side and knows what it feels like to heal from this ordeal, because when you're in the thick of it it's hard to see reality as any different. So thanks for writing this and congrats on all the progress you've made.

So, you're partly french ?

In the thick of it, it is pure hell. One needs reminders from someone who is not glued in the peculiar mental process of this healing.

I hope life will me smoother soon, for you.

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Enzo, I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to write this well thought out and beautifully stated post.  you captured so much of what is true and so difficult about withdrawal. Of course I am very very very happy for you. I am at 5+ years and struggling with a setback, but even so reading what you have written is a big inspiration. Thank you again so very much.

One thing I found important was to remind myself that what I was living, although sometimes unbearable, was a Life anyway. We tend to appreciate life only when it is pleasant (obviously). In those situations, it is best to look at it as a healing process, which has an even deeper value. Also, you'll get to the end of it anyway.

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I really appreciate this description and interpretation of what is going on here. I am so grateful for your success story today. I really needed it. I also appreciate hearing that this can be a long journey. It is difficult to hold on when you think "I should be fine by now".... Anyway,Thank you!!!!

Right ! "I should be fine by now" is useless and irrelevant. I struggled with this idea I read many times that it would take 18 months or so to heal completely.  Our paths are different. What we need to revive though is the soothing thought or feeling that what is happening is a healing porcess, that we are not wasting our life. Hang in there.

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Enzo, when you started healing was it a slow process? I am 40 months off zopiclone was forced by GP to CT, which obviously contributed to prolonged withdrawal. Did  experience a couple of windows fir first time recently, but  was was thrown into a bad wave just after. Is this the nature of healing one step forward, 2 step back continually. Just appreciate any positivity you can throw my way!
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  • 3 months later...

Enzo, when you started healing was it a slow process? I am 40 months off zopiclone was forced by GP to CT, which obviously contributed to prolonged withdrawal. Did experience a couple of windows fir first time recently, but  was was thrown into a bad wave just after. Is this the nature of healing one step forward, 2 step back continually. Just appreciate any positivity you can throw my way!

Hello Leann, sorry I did not answer more quickly, I missed your post. Healing is indeeed a slow process and you should not be discouraged by the "two steps backwards". There seeems to be a need for the nevous system to digest a window, as if it is sometimes  too radical for it. Thus the setback. All of us are going through this not knowing what is going on. Yet, healing is happening, even when our minds can't grasp it. You will make it in time. Do not even encourage thinkiing too much about what caused what, there is little that we could have done differently. Hang in there.  :smitten:

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클로나제팜 오전 -0.5mg 점심 0.5mg 저녁 0.5mg + 자낙스 0.5mg 단약에 성공 했습니다.

 

여러분들도 충분히 할수 있습니다.

 

단약 과정 증상들은

 

환청, 화후, 환미, 환각 과정을 거치고 나면 공황장애 불안 하고 싸워야 합니다. 그리고 청각 과민, 이명, 현기증, 3D,등등을 거치면 회복기에 접어 들게 되는것 같습니다.

 

그 과정은 끔찍할수 있습니다. 그러나 충분히 해내실수 있습니다.

 

저도 성공 했으니깐요. 복용 기간은 18년 복용 했습니다.. 충분히 해결 할수 있습니다.

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클로나제팜 오전 -0.5mg 점심 0.5mg 저녁 0.5mg + 자낙스 0.5mg 단약에 성공 했습니다.

 

여러분들도 충분히 할수 있습니다.

 

단약 과정 증상들은

 

환청, 화후, 환미, 환각 과정을 거치고 나면 공황장애 불안 하고 싸워야 합니다. 그리고 청각 과민, 이명, 현기증, 3D,등등을 거치면 회복기에 접어 들게 되는것 같습니다.

 

그 과정은 끔찍할수 있습니다. 그러나 충분히 해내실수 있습니다.

 

저도 성공 했으니깐요. 복용 기간은 18년 복용 했습니다.. 충분히 해결 할수 있습니다.

 

Hello ryu,

 

Please use a translate app before posting your comments.

 

Thank you,

 

Pamster

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Enzo, I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to write this well thought out and beautifully stated post.  you captured so much of what is true and so difficult about withdrawal. Of course I am very very very happy for you. I am at 5+ years and struggling with a setback, but even so reading what you have written is a big inspiration. Thank you again so very much.

One thing I found important was to remind myself that what I was living, although sometimes unbearable, was a Life anyway. We tend to appreciate life only when it is pleasant (obviously). In those situations, it is best to look at it as a healing process, which has an even deeper value. Also, you'll get to the end of it anyway.

“ we tend to appreciate life only when it is pleasant”

I love this and it’s so true. Whether feeling bad or feeling well, it’s still living a life.  :thumbsup:

IMO both are a must in order to appreciate them both.

Beautifully worded.

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  • 1 month later...
Dearest Enzo, it might surprise you to know that what you have written in your success story is some thing I use for inspiration when things get really tough for me. Your use of language, and your sincere spirit help me tremendously. There are very few things I can still read after all this time… Almost 6 years… That inspire me. I am extremely grateful for what you have written and I will read it again and again. Wishing you the best of everything in your life!
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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
[27...]
I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this post and am happy this guy has healed. It gives me hope too that all the "mental unrest" and twisted view of reality and life goes away. Really enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
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Thank you Enzo for coming back and sharing this and giving us hope.  Question:  have you been so brave to try alcohol/glass of wine occasionally?  I have heard so many mixed posts on this topic and I am hopeful that once fully recovered, I can enjoy a glass of wine with friends?

No, in the thick of it, I was too scared to do it. Here's my view on this : It is true that alcohol tends to trigger symptoms. Yet, it is also true that many other things will. The basis of it all is the fact that our NS is extra sensitive, meaning that anxiety is sometimes waiting for anything to explode. Some testify that gluten, sugar, noise, the wind, WIFI etc. will just do that too. Now that I look back on it, I am not saying that it is fake (I experienced some of it), yet I find that most of the time if we had not been scared to death in the first time with some forum testimonies, some of those things might have had a different/milder effect on us. One should not forget about the creativity of somatic experiences. Now that I am able to drink wine, I don't do it most of the time. I find that to be an interesting side effect. The enjoyment you are expecting to recover does not really come from the wine (and it is a frenchman telling you !  ;)).

It will come in time.

Enzo.

 

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