Was it the Benzos? Or did my father actually have Parkinson’s?

So, my father passed away about 5-6 years ago, several months after my mother passed. He had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s for a good 8+ years before he eventually passed. I used to be his caretaker and would always give him his medications in the morning, afternoon, and night. He was on quite a few different pills, including Clonazepam, Carbidopa, Lexapro, and other medications that I can’t exactly remember.

 

I had forgotten entirely that my father was on Clonazepam and it’s something I should have remembered, because a lot of weird things happened around that little, blue pill. Some of this may sound a little crazy. It sounds a little crazy even to me, so please forgive me for sounding like a raving mad lunatic.

 

My s/o reminded me the other day…

 

“Do you think if it wasn’t for the Clonazepam, that your dad would have been okay?”

 

Something inside my brain just snapped. I had forgotten all about dosing out that pill to him. I suddenly remembered that I had to wear gloves when handling that specific pill because it made my fingertips tingle and feel sort of numb. I thought I was allergic to it, so I always wore gloves when putting it in his medicine calendar.

 

I also remembered that whenever he would take that pill, there was a backwash of black stuff that came out of his mouth, that looked like straight up black ink. I made a tentative joke that it seemed kind of demonic, or unnatural. I tried dissolving it in water and there was no reaction.

 

Then, I remembered my dad’s doctor telling him “I don’t think you have Parkinson’s”, because my dad didn’t have the constant tremors and shaking of his body or limbs like my grandma did. He usually only had the shaking of his muscles when he was trying to stretch. He did shuffle his feet and walk sort of bent over, but that was really the only thing to tie the Parkinson’s to him, aside from the brain fog, and dementia-like symptoms, including hallucinations.

 

After all this came back to me, I started piecing all of this together. I’m now wondering if he never actually had Parkinson’s at all, but rather, it was the Benzos that ultimately ended my father’s life. My brain has gone 100 MPH and a huge part of me is now shouldering some guilt that I’m the one who fed him these medications every day and I didn’t look into them. I just trusted that the doctors and pharmacists knew what they were doing and that there wasn’t any harm in them.

 

I know it isn’t my fault, but part of me thinks that I might be able to use this story to save other peoples lives if I could actually prove, or find out that it was the Benzos that hurt him more than helped him.

Did you dad have any of those symptoms before he took all those drugs?

Did you dad have any of those symptoms before he took all those drugs?

 

I honestly wish I remembered, but for some time before the Parkinson’s, he was handling his own medication so I’m not sure how long he was taking the Clonazepam before he was diagnosed.

Did he have all the tests to confirm it was Parkinson's?

My uncle has it and they ran alot of tests on him.

 

Also, Richard Pryor had MS at the end of his life but did not blame it on the drugs he took.

 

 

Don't feel guilty, you did the best you could 

Did he have all the tests to confirm it was Parkinson's?

My uncle has it and they ran alot of tests on him.

 

Also, Richard Pryor had MS at the end of his life but did not blame it on the drugs he took.

 

 

Don't feel guilty, you did the best you could 

 

I don’t think they ran a bunch of tests on him, no. They assumed it was Parkinson’s because his mother had it. I don’t honestly remember because my dad sort of hid a lot of that from me, at first.

Hi, unfortunately I do not have the answers to your questions however I do know that you are not to blame. You must not feel guilty for handing him his medication. You were caring for him  ❤️