I did it, no ambien or ativan for 2 years! I'm about ready to declare myself healed as I have much improved concentration and energy. I still have some troubles falling asleep some nights, but not that often. I still get some very brief waves...meaning just a few hours, but otherwise I do not think about benzos.
I do not come back here much as I really have no reason to. But when I do, I am reminded of how I suffered. So in that spirit, let me share some thoughts for those who are still suffering, or do not think they will ever be free. (I know I never thought I could break free, but I did!)
I had multiple failed starts. For a couple of years I tried to break free of these pills, but it never lasted. I would feel ashamed to get my prescription refilled and tell myself "this is the last refill I will get", but I always went back. So do not feel bad if you had a lot of false starts. I needed to learn about Benzo withdrawl and if you are reading this and just trying to break free, you are ahead of where I was back then.
I did not taper properly. My Doctor's recommended taper had me skip days towards the end and this is not the optimal method. But who cares, I broke free and doing a perfect taper does not mean you will just have minor symptoms. The only way out is long and difficult. Doing a proper taper helps, but don't beat yourself up about it.
What I did do properly was:
Seek help. I found a good therapist, a good Doctor, and good people on this site!
Listen to my body. When I felt worn out, I took a hot lavender bath, when I wanted something sweet, I ate it. If I felt tired and worn out, I took a rest...I did a lot of this.
Limit negative stimuli. I shut off the news, got off of social media, etc. These just feed negative thoughts to your already suffering brain. I kept this as a permanent habit by the way!
Be patient and forgiving towards myself. Ok, I could do better here. I still do stupid things and that negative voice in my head reminds me of all my failures. I gotta do better at shutting that idiot up!
So for those still struggling, keep fighting and don't beat yourself up if you fail or make mistakes. Pick yourself back up and go at it again. I want to read YOUR success story here.
