Rehab center

I’ve been on lorazepam almost 2 years and had several failed attempts going to detox, working with a holistic psychiatrist who was a quack, failed with an addiction specialist that failed to cross me over to Valium. Now I am working with a pain management doctor that is trying to cross me over to Valium for the second time and he’s

Been taking 10 months to cross me over and I’m on both benzos still and I feel awful everyday I don’t feel like myself anymore I barely get out of bed when I don’t have to. I joined a first responder group and the guys in the group recommended me to go to a rehab center in Arizona and I know it’s looked down upon to go to rehab for benzos but the group is concerned for me because my job is at stake right now I’m not functional and the doctor is slowly torturing me and

He thinks I’m doing fine. I called the center and they have a first responders program and

They say they help get people off benzos in like a 30 days stay and I have a lot of people pushing me to and I’m very scared because I know your supposed to do a slow taper but the one I’m doing isn’t working. I just want some opinions on the rehab center as I know it’s frowned upon and based on my past experience in august 2020 being in a detox center for 6 days and cold turkeyed and relapsing 5 days after I got out. Many of these guys are pushing me to go and I feel pressured but I just feel like I’m being tortured with this taper I’m on my doctor said I’m doing great mea while I tell him im not and this rehab center says they get people off benzos all the time and im scared as hell to go and don’t want to relapse. Thank you if someone can give me advice im really struggling

 

Rich26741,

 

There are absolutes with this process because goodness knows it is hard no matter how you go about it.  It sounds like you've given tapering off your best shot and perhaps going to a rehab center is what is best for you.  It seems particularly important that you move things along in light of the warning that your job is in jeopardy.  I like the idea that this facility has a program for people in your line of work.

 

I find that many of my answers are in my gut already and I just need to get quiet, have the courage to listen, and then act even when my answer is not what the majority is doing.  We at BB will support you whatever you decide.

 

Kate08

 

 

Thank you I appreciate your support because I haven’t met anyone or read anything about rehab and people getting off in these types of places but it’s true they do have a program for first responders and the sponsors I speak to are very supportive and tell me it’s a great facility to be in and it would be best for me because this tapering is not working and I feel like I’m slowly being tortured by the different doctors I’ve been to.

Hey there! I'm so sorry for your suffering

I will give it to you straight:

I went to a facility that was VERY expensive and they said they could have me off Ativan in 30 days. And they did..... however the way they do is like this ......

Bring you in and give you a week or so of a long acting benzo like valium or librium (basically a crossover) and they do it VERY quickly, then they pretty much just cold turkey you from there. They will say that because of the long half life of Valium or librium that you will have less symptoms. But typically...that does not happen. By the time you leave a few weeks later you are in acute withdrawal and they will then offer different drugs to try and help those symptoms.

 

Now, some people can get away with doing this and yes have withdrawal symptoms, but it may not make them non-functional, that would be the most ideal outcome!

Different people will have different outcomes. Honestly mine was not ideal.....was I off benzos in 1 moth? Yes. Was it a good outcome for me? No.

That being said, again don't want to scare you, but I really wish I would have known how they were going to do it!

 

So my biggest advice is, or rather let me say,"If it were me"....

I would call the place and have an in depth conversation with them asking these questions:

1. What is their method for getting you off benzos in 30 days?

2. What meds will they use?

3. How fast will the rapid taper be?

4. What do they do with people who have severe withdrawal symptoms?

5. How long do they expect withdrawal to last?

6. Do they ever do a rapid crossover and then send home to finish taper as patient can tolerate as opposed to just rapid crossover and rapid taper?

7. How many patients have they treated specifically for benzos?

 

I know that's a lot! But based on answers to those questions, maybe you can make a much better informed decision than I did

Best wishes

Hey thanks for the advice I really appreciate it I’ve been trying to ask them similar questions to what you listed and the admissions person doesn’t really answer me on what they particularly do

And I’m in New York and I’m flying to Arizona having anxiety just getting on a plane to get

There. All my sponsers say it’s a great place to go but they’re all alcoholics not benzo users so it’s different getting off benzos and I went to a detox facility and they gave me Librium and completely failed that’s why I’m scared to go and so many people are pushing me to go and I have many questions for them and there just like buy the ticket already and just get here stop procrastinating but your right I don’t want to go into withdrawals again because I know how it feels to be cold turkeyed and it’s

The worst and I feel pressured to get up and just go like this but the problem is I’ve tried these slow tapers that are recommended and they keep failing and I don’t want to on this crap for life this drug

Is just destroying my life and no one can give me a straight answer and the health care in New York sucks they have no idea how to get people off these drugs and they act like they know everything and i feel so stuck and miserable because I really want off

These drugs but whoever invented them didn’t know the harm they cause in peoples lives and they never really helped me anyway I think the Ativan saved me once when I first took it and after that I just haven’t felt good. I really appreciate your advice because the admissions person just wants me to come there already and Says there’s all this help but can’t give me a explanation of how they actually get me off the drug and how i will be functional to

Get on a plane back to New York and not relapse back on this crap

Hi Rich, you might want to look at my story here on this board. I was more or less the same as you, starting on Lorazepam and crossing over to Valium for a taper. My taper failed after about 8 months. I never stabilized and only got sicker the further I came down. A long hold of several months gave me no relief. I updosed and never felt good on the meds again. I was in tolerance withdrawal and my psychiatrist did not believe in a slow taper anymore and gave me the option to updose or go to Detox.

 

I did not want to updose because benzo's make me sick, and I knew the dangers of a Detox. But I needed to get off the pills so I went in a more or less desperate attempt to be free.

 

About the Detox-facilities, I can only say that SouthernBelle is right. The place I went to was primarily meant for alcoholics and I was the only one coming off benzo's. The reality is that however nice the place is, it is about how you are when you get home. Because that is when the real withdrawals begin.

 

Take care and strength to you making your decision.

 

 

Hey thanks for your advise and I’d like to look at your story where is it on the forum? How are you know are you still using the benzos and did you get any relieve in any type of way? Yes these places are mostly all for alcoholics because the group that is pushing me to go they all went to rehab centers for alcohol and it seems they know how to get people off alcohol in these places and don’t know what they’re doing with benzos and the issue is I’ve tried these long slow tapers a few times already and they keep failing my doctor can’t cross me over to Valium we’re doing this 10 months and I don’t think he knows what he’s doing and people are concerned for me and I’m losing everything now I had to sell my sports car I moved back in with my parents at 35 years old they’re driving me crazy here and I’m on the verge of losing my job if I don’t get off these drugs and become functional and I’m getting tired of seeing everyone else living their lives being fine and making a big deal about little things in their lives that to keep are nothing and now the center keeps calling me trying to get me to get my plane ticket everyday to get me in and I need some time but it’s like if I stay with these doctors here they don’t help me at all it’s like I feel so doomed right now and everyone bothers me to do like like I was prior to being on these drugs when I was functional and I’m getting really tired of it and no one understands how I feel and they just keep asking me what’s wrong with me and I’m like what’s wrong with me? It’s these damn devils pills that’s what’s wrong with me and they still don’t believe me because i have a history of addiction or dependence on my moms side of benzos so they keep dismissing it and saying it’s something else and that my attitude sucks and all this but in reality I feel like crap everyday and no one gets it!

Hi Rich, I am in a slightly similar situation as you.

I went on Ativan in April of last year for a stressful situation and unknowing got hooked after 2 months of use. I tapered too fast from 3mg to .375mg and was acute nearly the entire time til I crossed over to Valium in Sept. I started tapering again in Nov slower having found bb. I am not completely stable but much better than Ativan but I have no life, depressed and anxiety and no appetite. I was referred to a new rehab place near me that I was told were benzo experienced. The girl that runs the admissions has given me a very positive impression that she really cares about people and has spent a lot of time on the phone with me giving info on the program and confidence they can help me. She has a lot of benzo knowledge and answered all of my questions. Definitely not a sales pitch since Ive talked to many places and they all seem fake and just in it for the money. She is so positive that the outcome will be good not symptom free but manageable and with the support of “comfort meds” and therapy.

I am still scared to try it having read all the horror stories here on the forum but my life sucks and I don’t think I can make it through a long taper. So I’m trying to decide what to do. I realize it’s still a gamble since no one can promise an absolute success. I feel for your reserve in wanting to do it.

This program is a 30 day one also, and coming off for me would be about 10-14 days they day. They wud use the typical meds you hear about as needed.

Good luck with your decision I’m still trying to figure my situation out. Let us know what you decide to do and how your doing

Joeb

I will def let you know my decision and I’m glad you were Atleast able to cross over to Valium because I don’t think my body agrees with it I had a failed cross over attempt last year with an addiction specialist that we tried for a month and I’m happy you were Atleast able to cross over. I’d like to k know what your decision is also as far as what your going to do because I’m scared for my life to go and it’s all the way in Arizona and I’m in New York and I had experience in a detox center and I got taken off Ativan and I relapsed 5 days later because I couldn’t handle the pain and withdrawal I was going through and now this place keeps calling me finding out when I’m coming and I need some time I’ve been crying with my gf all week about this because im so scared and they said the same thing we get people off benzos all the time but I still

Haven’t seen anyone with a benzo dependence go to a rehab center and be successful all the alumni that I spoke to went for alcohol and it aggravates me because it makes me believe they can’t do it. But I wish you luck and it made me cry to read your story and others that are going through the same torture we are I wish we could all meet for a drink of water and talk about our experiences because my appetite sucks too I’m 138lbs I used to be 175lbs before I got put on benzos and the life stressor that got me in it but I pray for you and hope you make the right decision as well and I’m so sorry you are suffering

Hey there! I feel bad for you Rich, and Joeb

I was also in tolerance with Ativan, and couldn't go up, down, or hold....as all of it made me so sick. So yes, I was hopeful that this top notch facility that I traveled to, would know what they were doing. The reality is that majority just don't. They may mean well, and they may have "success" when they get someone off benzos, but they send them home on z drugs etc. (Which is NOT a success!) In the 30 days I spent there....I was given many comfort drugs ...they were even going to send me home on antipsychotics....like really? I came there to get off benzos and I'm gonna leave on antipsychotics? And after they had given me 9 different other drugs? How is that a success?

I left on a blood pressure med that did nothing for the anxiety and heart rate, and a z drug!!! I quit both when I got home.

 

I refuse to tell you just how bad my wd was. It just won't be helpful for you

All I'm saying is that these places mean well.....but they are just not really trained on how to deal with severe symptoms. They just aren't. So if you go there, it's best for you to be prepared the best you can!

There are some things they can offer that I would consider on the lower scale such as:

Melatonin for sleep

Antihistamines for sleep

Hydroxizine (strong antihistamine) for anxiety and sleep

Propranolol (lowers your heart rate) isn't addictive, just gotta keep how low it goes.

Zofran for vomiting (but careful it is a serotonin booster if you are on any antidepressants it can interact)

Buspar for anxiety (it's not a benzo, but it's questionable on how well it works and that you can't just stop taking it)

Ear plugs, white noise machines, herbal teas, etc.

 

After that you are looking at psychotropics like:

SSRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexipro, paxil)

Atypical antidepressants (Trazadone, Remeron)

Trycyclic ADs (amitriptyline, Imapramine)

Z-drugs (Ambien, lunesta., Restoril.......more like benzo cousins)

Mood stabilizers (tegretol, valporate)

Antipsychotics (zyprexa, risperdal, haldohl, Seroquel, abilify)

 

I will say that none of these things helped me, but I know some of the lower key things I listed have helped other people here. Like I said... different people will have different outcomes.

Since nothing helped me, I had to just endure the suffering. But that is not to say that it will be the same for you or anyone else!

It's just that no know tells you what they do, or what can happen.

I am trying to do that for you, so you can make inform choices

For example:  while you are there it is ALWAYS up to you on what you want to take or not take. You give consent to the medication, you always have the right to refuse if you choose.

 

So like you could say "well, I'm ok with trying this one, but I will NOT take that one."

But also know that you may or may not be perceived as a patient that "doesnt want to take their meds to get better"

 

I know this a lot. I'm just hoping that something in here is helpful to you in some way!. I am just trying to give you the truth of how it goes. What it's like and what they have to offer.

 

Can't tell you what choice is best, but i can say what I know

And I know the feeling of being stuck on benzos allllll to well.

 

Southern belle thanks for your response that’s why I am scared to go because of what you said all they tell me at the intake they get people off benzos but can’t tell me if they do is successfully or not and I see based on your experiences is what I’m afraid of because I assume they just pump you with other drugs it’s like a vicious circle they just try one drug and put you on others and it’s no different doing it on an outpatient they try the same thing just prescribe you other things when you tell the doctor you don’t feel good and this and that. I really appreciate your input and I don’t trust these centers and I was already in a detox center which almost killed me but this slow long taper I’m on is killing me also and I don’t know what to do anymore my doctor is polydrugging me and telling me I’m doing well and I’m not functional. Are you still currently on the benzos l? If so how did you get off ?

Southern belle thanks for your response that’s why I am scared to go because of what you said all they tell me at the intake they get people off benzos but can’t tell me if they do is successfully or not and I see based on your experiences is what I’m afraid of because I assume they just pump you with other drugs it’s like a vicious circle they just try one drug and put you on others and it’s no different doing it on an outpatient they try the same thing just prescribe you other things when you tell the doctor you don’t feel good and this and that. I really appreciate your input and I don’t trust these centers and I was already in a detox center which almost killed me but this slow long taper I’m on is killing me also and I don’t know what to do anymore my doctor is polydrugging me and telling me I’m doing well and I’m not functional. Are you still currently on the benzos l? If so how did you get off ?

 

This kind of detox hardly ever works, and makes things harder… trust me I just went to one on Dec 14th and they kept put me on librium for 3 days and gave me seroquel and trazadone to keep me asleep. Then on day 4 they started giving me 2mg valium and on day 5 they released me with a prescription of 7 pills of 5mg Valium. I was just as bad off when I left as when I went in, and maybe even moreso because my central nervous system was even more confused. Im still on the valium… trying to stabilize on this dose so I can do what I should have done in the first place and just tapered slowly and dealt with it. Trust me, I know its hard… but these places are mainly for alcoholics and opiate users and even though they claim to be able to help people on benzos, they usually dont have the first clue what to do and you end up in a worse state than before going. I know what you mean about feeling like its killing you… Ive been bedridden for months, can barely walk or even stand and have lost 85 pounds… All detox did was stave off the withdrawal symptoms by drugging me up on psych meds for a few days which kept me basically half asleep, and then released me to fend for myself after just 5 days… They were really more of a hurt than a help because they advertised benzo detox and the dr himself even told me they really dont do that there (after id been there, polydrugged for days) i was really hopeful they could help and it all turned out to be a big lie to charge peoples insurance… you gotta do what you think is right for you, im just telling you my experience. Good luck, God bless, and hang in there

Rich,

I have been off since June 2019

WD was beyond brutal, put me in a wheelchair for months.

Got over most acute symptoms around 4 months off..... however the neurological symptoms remained. I was mentally ok, but physically had to have 24 care. It was seriously traumatic and truly my undoing. At 6 months off, found a great neurologist that was VERY careful with me and helped me start a child's size dose of med for the excruciating nerve pain....and it worked.

 

After that it was nothing but constant improvement.

Took me about 18 months to rehab my body, but it was always steady improvement.

 

I am now 31 months off (so like over 2.5 years)

And I am in amazing shape!!!!

Doing very well and able to do the sports and activities I could do before plus new ones

 

For me, I think yeah, they got me off benzos in 30 days....but what I think caused more damage was all the other drugs including more benzos. I sometimes wonder what my rapid wd or cold turkey may have been like without that? But I will never know.

I know you are miserable now, I was too during tolerance, but nothing could prepare me for what happened after the facility.

 

I wonder if there is a way for you to just do a quicker taper?

Without adding more and more drugs. Because eventually every one gets down to a dosage so low that it's just too low and they have to jump. I do t know if just speeding up yours would help?

Certainly wouldn't make you feel better,, but would get you off faster to face acute. Because what sucks is.....that is ALL sucks!!!

You just have to make the choice that you think would be the less, thats it.

I feel bad for you cuz I understand 

I really appreciate your responses and I know what it felt like in the detox center they did the same to me put me on Librium took me off it in 6 days gave me remeron in there for sleep made me go to 12 step programs and now I’m having people push me to go to rehab that says they take people off benzos all the time. It scares me to see you were wheelchair bound just from a stupid drug not even from an accident and I’m afraid of that and I’m still working and im trying to save my career and nothing has helped and it’s basically on my last leg here and my doctor doesn’t know what he’s doing and it’s hard to find a doctor that know what they’re doing because he’s my 4th doctor already that I tried and failed and I would love to speed up my taper right now but im really non functional and he has me on lorazepam and diazepam for 10 months already and he’s killing me hasn’t crossed me over and im not sure if my body can handle the cross over and I really don’t know what to do im stuck and it’s a quite possibility I will lose my job especially if I end up wheelchair bound because my job won’t accept that id have to be put out on sick leave and the sick leave sucks and I’m scared to get to the point of being wheelchair bound and I’m only 35 I have no one to take care of me and I’m still working and I’m scared as hell and my anxiety and depression is through the roof it takes me 3-4 hours to get out of bed and everyone calls me lazy and says my attitude sucks and I just need to go to the gym and it will help but I can’t make it to the gym the way I feel and I have all these guys that were alcoholics pushing me into a rehab center and they just don’t get it. I’m so stuck I don’t know what to do I’m trying since august of 2020 to get off benzos and I was on them for 4 months when I started now I’m on them almost 2 years and I spent more time trying to get off them than when I was just taking them steadily and I sold my house moved back in with my parents because I’m afraid to lose my job and no one in my house understands what I’m going through they just keep saying I have COVID long hauler syndrome but I don’t believe that it’s like talking to a wall with them im so frustrated.

L

Rich,

Awww, listen, let me say right away that my WD and being in a wheelchair was not the norm!!  Try not to be scared of that!

Even in this benzo world of forums with 1000's of people on here, I am in small percentage of the wheelchair worst. There is really only a couple of others that I know of here that were in the same boat. It's NOT really common! Other WD symptoms?, sure there are plenty of common ones that we all get, but the wheelchair is NOT one of them. And I also believe mine had a lot do to with the amount and potency of all the other drugs I was given during acute.

So try not to stress about that!!! That's not gonna be you!

You are already smart enough not to let them give you a million more drugs

 

Have you looked at Ashton's work for tapers? And crossing over to valium? You could print that out and discuss with your doc. And also you could post some questions on the taper advice boards or withdrawal support boards maybe? If you haven't already. Because maybe some of the folks there could could talk to you about successful valium crossovers.

It breaks my heart so much to hear that you were only on for 4 months! And to be trying to get off for 2 years!!!

Ahhhh!!! That kills me. That's so ridiculous. I feel like you should be able to be fully crossed over and actually tapering by now!!??

 

I also feel so bad for you because I can tell you are really worried about losing your job and stuff. And the isolation you feel that literally no one understands whats going on with you:(

I and many others know just how that feels. And the frustration of finding a doc that will listen and understand.

 

See if some of the taper folks on here can help you out, if you haven't already, because they did it.....and I did not

 

As always we will support you with whatever you decide to do.

Feel free to PM anytime

Thanks I really appreciate it and yes it’s frustrating trying to get off this drug longer than I was on it and I had no clue how dangerous it was and I’m being called almost everyday from this rehab center to come and I spoke to an alumni there that said he was on benzos alcohol and opioids when he went there and he said nothing but nice things about the center. I tried crossing over to Valium last year with an addiction specialist that failed and now my doctor has me stuck on Valium and Ativan for 10 months and he doesn’t know what he’s doing and I’m in so much pain everyday and I still work full time but I want to get my life back and back to full status at my job and be functional I have so much anxiety and depression I’m scared and how no energy to even do minor things anymore I don’t take pleasure in the things I used to do I have a terrible appetite and when I’m not working I mostly just lay in bed and feel hopeless and depressed. I know it’s possible to not land in a wheel chair but sometimes I feel like I can’t walk well and I’m still on a high dose my doctor really doesn’t know what he’s doing and a long taper will probably make me lose my job if I start over again they really want me off the drugs I don’t have the type of job that accepts being on these meds and it’s all from this damn COVID I was a find strong functional guy before COVID and for some strange mystery i developed insomnia from it and I got no help but a prescription of ambien and no help from the doctors and ended up just telling me I had anxiety and put me on benzos to calm me down from all the panic I had from lack of sleep and god knows what else this virus caused but I’m really fed up with these tapers because nothing has worked and the doctors here suck and don’t care about their patients. I’m just so scared of rehab even though I talked to some alumni from there and heard all positive things but it’s a hard step to take and I’m already traumatized from detox like the other individual said I had the same experience as

Him and nothing but pain and suffering and I vet get low on my doses like other people on here post I’ve been on high doses for a while and suffering. I’m just so torn I still don’t know what to do I can try to reach out to the about the crossing over to other people but I’ve been trying it for a year and it’s not working i read the Ashton manual several times and it’s hard to follow it to me and my doctor I don’t think really knows how to follow it or maybe my body can’t handle the cross over I don’t know I’m in a bad spot. 

Hi Rich, I so feel for you. Your body and your mind have been through so much already, it’s no wonder you feel so grotty. My sons tried everything to get me to go to a detox facility but I refused. I also knew that I would not succeed with the taper at home……too many little life stressors. So, I went to stay with my sister but mentally I imagined I was in the detox place. She helped me stick to my taper and let me sleep, cry, rant whatever. I think we have to just accept fully that withdrawal is very hard and that there is no magic bullet. If there was, someone would be offering it and making a fortune. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you wanting to stay functional and keep your great job. Can you even consider the possibility of slowly getting well …….maybe at your parents………and then a career change? I found it helpful to look 5 years ahead, not 5 months or weeks. I’m still not off Lorazepam but down to 0.2mg daily and mentally so much better. Physically, I’m not great but hope to build up strength gradually.

Healing hugs and Prayers.

I’m glad for your response I am currently staying at my parents right now but it’s been a little hectic here and no one here believes me that the meds is Causing my issue. I see you been on this drug longer than I am alive and I have great most respect for you being on it so long and getting off it almost and being on such a low dose and attempting to get off after so many years. From what I know of my grandfather was on Ativan for 40 years and he never got off he passed away at 91 but not from Ativan but he was pretty functional on it but I know he was in bed a lot but the medication didn’t seem to bother him. For me it’s been so hard trying to get off this and as far as career change I don’t know what else to do for a living I’ve been a first responder for almost 13 years now and that’s all I know and not many other jobs interest me and I’m probably not even functional enough to do another job right now my job is tough but it’s exciting at times and I feel fulfilled. I’m constantly having people pushing me everyday to get to this rehab center and I’m still scared and they’re all saying this place will help you but I have much trauma from being in detox it really scares me to be in the facility for 30 days and not know if I will be functional. I’m really happy you got Yourself down To a low dose after all those years and I know your in England and is there any centers that they are similar to what DR. Ashton was running or are they all gone. I really hope you Jump off the meds soon I see that you lowered it because I’ve seen many of your post and I pray for you and all the people here suffering and myself as well I just want my life back I’m 35 years old and I want to have children and a family and I can’t have one because I can’t function I barely can manage things anymore and I don’t think it’s always about age being on these meds I started at 33 and it’s almost 2 years and it’s just been hell for me I feel like I lost out on life already and I’m starting to become a skeleton I don’t eat well anymore and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I really appreciate your response and I’m very happy you made a life choice to get off these meds after being on them most your life I couldn’t imagine being on them that long and being able to live and make it through life. It seems That benzo use runs on my mothers side because everyone on that side is all on it but they on it in their 50s but they’re content with being on it and not planning to get off but I really just want off it already and it’s so painful and mentally challenging.

I do really think you should reach out to the withdrawal support board. I know there are some pretty good people here who are very taper savvy! It may be worth a shot anyway to at least see if they can help you with better taper and could explain better for you and your doc.

Also, another thing to think about is if you go to the rehab...  You can be in control of what you do. You can decide what you want to take and what you don't. I am assuming you are in the US right?

You can always consent to or refuse any treatment you wish! So if they have a plan to load you up with librium.....you could say "uh, I don't want to do that" you can ask what their ideas are for just a quicker taper with what you are already on.

We all know that slow tapers are supposed to be the safer choice, but if mine was not working.....I would would just want to change it. I would either do it with a facility but I would be in control the best I could.....or I would figure out a better taper plan with the help of some veteran buddies here, so I would also be in control. Me? I would opt to try getting the help of taper masters here, and then take to my doc and at least try to do it sensibly. Not 10 months on 2 benzos!

Anyway, that's my thoughts if it were me

Yea I will reach out to them thanks for following up now I have a choice between going to two different centers ones in Arizona the other in New Jersey and I’m in New York so yes I’m in US a native New Yorker. I’ll see what they say with the taper it’s like this doctor doesn’t know what he’s doing to have me on 2 benzos at once this long and he’s gonna keep me like this for who knows how long and he thinks he’s doing a good job and I hate going to see him he’s a nice guy but he’s another one that failed with me and I can’t continue to suffer this way.