24 months since jumping & In a ghastly wave

Hey everyone,

I really wish I was writing this & saying I was healed.  Nope.  Feel Like I’m back in acute.  The wave at 24 months is kicking my weary butt.  Oh Benzo’s - what have you done to me.  The headaches - oh the feeling that I’m literally having my brain squeezed out of my ears is vicious.  Boatiness, fatigue, cortisol surges, Restless Legs, anxiety, panic, terror, muscle tightness, neck pain, inability to concentrate, brain fog have beaten down my door, balance issues, benzo belly - I’ve lost close to 2kg in two days.  This feels like I’m Slammed back into acute.  I’ve had enough - more than enough. 2 years for 5 months of useage of Valium is just too much. It feels never ending. So many who have been on Benzo’s for way way longer have healed before 2 years. I think I’m just not gonna heal. I’m now believing that some of us don’t & im one of them.

I went to my Dr today for some reassurance.  She said I was the longest person she knew in BWD.  For I’m losing hope that I’m gonna heal.  I’ve decided to see someone who can prescribe something that will just make this manageable - I won’t reinstate but I’m investigating gabapentin - any feedback from people who have had success with going on this to ease symptoms would be greatly appreciated.  I simply have no more reserves left in me to deal with this.  I used to be able to work before this wave - I need to work - I don’t have any one else to support me.  I can take this week off work but have to get back to work by Monday.  Praying I’ll be well enough. In my next life I’m gonna be born into money.  If you didn’t have to worry bout money I think BWD would be easier. 

Sorry for being such a downer.  I just don’t see an end to this. Other short term Users are healed in a way shorter time.  I’m discouraged. I’m beaten.  I’m broken & enough is enough.  The only thing I can do is find some other medication that will help me to lead a better, more normal life.  I wish now I had’ve only done this sooner as this has just been never ending 2 years of sheer torture.  Enough.

Hi Bess55

Just thought I’d give you some banana power encouragement. Please don’t dismay, I went from extremely sick to just about better, in fact I don’t think I have any symptoms really, what’s left is probably just because of my age.

It’s good to see that you haven’t given up and that you’re still fighting the fight. You will beat this, you deserve to. The windows and waves will seem never ending and I know even a window isn’t completely normal and mine was much the same, especially my back and leg pain, my was in the right leg and has been just about the last thing to leave me, but it does get better, it really does! It just seems like forever to heal, but it happens, I’m so much better now and so will you be in time. Just don’t get thinking that you won’t heal or you’re the last to heal because a lot of others think just the way you do, I used to think this myself.

I hope my few words helps you along today…

Banana Man…Colin

Hey everyone,

 

I really wish I was writing this & saying I was healed.  Nope.  Feel Like I’m back in acute.  The wave at 24 months is kicking my weary butt.  Oh Benzo’s - what have you done to me.  The headaches - oh the feeling that I’m literally having my brain squeezed out of my ears is vicious.  Boatiness, fatigue, cortisol surges, Restless Legs, anxiety, panic, terror, muscle tightness, neck pain, inability to concentrate, brain fog have beaten down my door, balance issues, benzo belly - I’ve lost close to 2kg in two days.  This feels like I’m Slammed back into acute.  I’ve had enough - more than enough. 2 years for 5 months of useage of Valium is just too much. It feels never ending. So many who have been on Benzo’s for way way longer have healed before 2 years. I think I’m just not gonna heal. I’m now believing that some of us don’t & im one of them.

 

I went to my Dr today for some reassurance.  She said I was the longest person she knew in BWD.  For I’m losing hope that I’m gonna heal.  I’ve decided to see someone who can prescribe something that will just make this manageable - I won’t reinstate but I’m investigating gabapentin - any feedback from people who have had success with going on this to ease symptoms would be greatly appreciated.  I simply have no more reserves left in me to deal with this.  I used to be able to work before this wave - I need to work - I don’t have any one else to support me.  I can take this week off work but have to get back to work by Monday.  Praying I’ll be well enough. In my next life I’m gonna be born into money.  If you didn’t have to worry bout money I think BWD would be easier. 

 

Sorry for being such a downer.  I just don’t see an end to this. Other short term Users are healed in a way shorter time.  I’m discouraged. I’m beaten.  I’m broken & enough is enough.  The only thing I can do is find some other medication that will help me to lead a better, more normal life.  I wish now I had’ve only done this sooner as this has just been never ending 2 years of sheer torture.  Enough.

Thanks so much for your kind words & encouragement - I really appreciate it.  I’m afraid I have given up. It’s just been far too much & im dive, I have nothing left. I can’t take any more time off work.  I’m going to see a neurologist next week & have decided to go on meds that will give me a better quality of life.  I can’t live like this anymore - it’s just lit on me:  I’m not going to reinstate or go back on any Benzo’s.  I’ll be obestigatibg & going on other options.  Thanks so much for all your help - I’ve appreciated it.  I’m sorry you suffered so much - I’m glad you’re doing better & I hope your leg pain goes away soon.  Take care )

I am praying for you. 

Thanks so much )

Dear Bess, in spite of your own pain and suffering, you have always been one of the most fervent supporters of many of your fellow benzo buddies, myself included!  I am so grateful to have gotten to “know” you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you go forward in your quest for a healing that brings you to a place of peace.

Blessings,

GG

Dear Bess, in spite of your own pain and suffering, you have always been one of the the most fervent supporters of many of your fellow benzo buddies, myself included!  I am so grateful to have gotten to “know” you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you go forward in your quest for a healing that brings you to a place of peace.

 

Blessings,

 

GG

Thanks so much GG - right back at you. I’m proud I’ve given it a red hot go but 2 years of this torture us more than enough. I just want to be able to live my life like a normal person again.  Thanks for all your support & wncouragemt.  Take care of your lovely self.  Big love to you xxx

So sorry you are suffering, Bess. I hope you can find some relief soon. I’m going through the same thing at 25 months Benzo free today. I have to believe it will end soon for all of us.

Wishing you the best at whatever you decide to do. You are not alone.

Hugs of healing and support.🥰🙏

Sandy

So sorry you are suffering, Bess. I hope you can find some relief soon. I’m going through the same thing at 25 months Benzo free today. I have to believe it will end soon for all of us.

 

Wishing you the best at whatever you decide to do. You are not alone.

 

Hugs of healing and support.🥰🙏

 

Sandy

Hey Sandy,

Thanks so much.  Sorry you are suffering too, when did your wave start? How long has it been going for? This is sheer hell & I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for your kind words & support xxx

Bess,

I'm so sorry you're having so many symptoms. It does sound like a regular wave, but the fact you hit your head I think it definitely triggered something and maybe it won't be as long-lived as a wave could be. Once that heals hopefully things will settle down for you. Our nervous system is just so sensitive that any minor injury or the wrong supplement or medication can flare us up but it doesn't necessarily mean a set back or like it's going to be like this for a long time. So here's hoping it lasts less than a week and it will be much better. Hugs!

LiveLife

Bess,

 

I'm so sorry you're having so many symptoms. It does sound like a regular wave, but the fact you hit your head I think it definitely triggered something and maybe it won't be as long-lived as a wave could be. Once that heals hopefully things will settle down for you. Our nervous system is just so sensitive that any minor injury or the wrong supplement or medication can flare us up but it doesn't necessarily mean a set back or like it's going to be like this for a long time. So here's hoping it lasts less than a week and it will be much better. Hugs!

 

LiveLife

I agree with this. Hitting your head set off high stress alarms in your body that hasn’t healed completely yet. This is my opinion and what makes sense to me. Bess I’m so sorry this happened to you. But milestone waves are known to feel like this unfortunately. My heart goes out to you. I’m here for you! You’ve been such a dear lovely friend to me, GG, and others. I’m so happy to hear that you won’t reinstate. Please hang in there. Keep us posted. Thank you for being such a lovely supportive friend here on BB. You’re in my thoughts sweetheart. Banana man made a good point…this is temporary even though it sucks. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️